Some days you just can't seem to win, and today was one of them. Harrison called, he's the neighbor with all the welders, and said to stop over cause he had some time to show me how to weld with that battery driven welder of his. Well, as luck would have it I was all the way finished with my Readers Digest, I don't like stopping in the middle cause I loose track of the story line, so I head off across the back yard. Now I swear that little poodle of Elviras just spends all his day hunkered down in some secret spot waiting for me to get midway between two safe spots. There I am midway when the little buzzard comes a yappin and a runnin right at me. Now this has happened before, way too many times before, but today the little sucker almost got the better of me. Good thing I sidestepped when he lunged or I wouldn't be havin no reason to look for another new wife I'll tell you. He went flyin thru the air and found himself stuck in the snowbank. Normally I'd help one of God's creatures, but not this dang poodle, no way.
I get over to Harrisons, and tell him about the poodle, and he being the big hearted fellow takes himself a chunk of pipe and a hunk of rope, and I'm thinking he's going to do the poodle in for sure. Turns out he threaded the rope through the pipe and came walking back leading that little yapper with the pipe between the two of them. Harrison said even though the dog is a neighborhood blight he just can't let one of Gods critters suffer, and since the little monster has one of them goofy haircuts Harrison figured it would freeze out there cause Elvira and her hubby were at Square Dancing clinic. Harrison has evidently had previous encounters with the monster cause he has a wire jailcell he puts him in.
Well, we get to welding, and eventually motormouth shuts up in his cell, and I'm concentrating on what Harrison is showing me which ain't one bit easy with that helmet on. Nest thing we know Elvira's at the shop door looking for her monster. Harrison asks me to go set the monster free so Elvira can reclaim him, and I go flip the latch on the cell with a long stick while I was standing on a milk crate for my safety. That's when it happened.
That dang yapper made a beeline direct for the door and ran under the welding bench where Harrison was making sparks. Before I could say Gimminee I saw a flash of light and a cloud of smoke. Best we figure, Elvira put hairspray on that little monster, and one of the sparks hit the hairspray, and woooosh! Elvira's standing there in the doorway and that brainless mutt goes right betwixt her legs still on fire. Well let me tell you, all them petticoats that woman waers, and she wears so many she has to ride in the back seat while Ernest drives, are not one bit fireproof. Fortunately by then Harrison has stopped welding, and sees what is happening. He grabs the fire extinguisher and heads right for Elvira. Good thing was he got there real fast, and put her fire out before she even knew she was flaming, but the bad thing was we both learned Elvira has a nasty mouth on her. She's also got a poodle who will be needing a coat for the rest of this winter as we figure. Dang mutt looks a lot more like a mexican hairless tonight.
Elvira waddled off sort of dragging her dancing skirt, them things are real long when you ain't got the petticoats under em, and she is a substantial woman if you know what I mean. I look at Harrison and he at me, and we both decided we were done for the day. I tell you that shop stinks to high heaven of burned poodle hair. It sort of reminded me of whan I was a lad and mother overheated the curling iron she used on my sisters hair. You know, I never did get to test drive that battery driven welder.
