Alright I did some test driving this weekend, thought a lot more about what all you guys have said, and I have narrowed things down a lot. Here's a long description of my reasoning (since I found it helpful to read other folks' similar posts).
Regarding the backhoe, after reading Witel's thread, I agree I do want a backhoe. I have sprinkler ditches to dig over my whole 4 acres of pasture, french drains along most of my outbuildings, a new retaining wall about 100' long to build, a new septic tank going in in the next 2-3 years, and lots of big rocks in my property that might not come out with a FEL. So, if I had the ~$7k in my budget, I would buy one.
But, having sat on and played with several 20-25 HP tractors this weekend, I am convinced I want nothing less than the 30+ mid-sized CUT. So, given my 20k budget, even if I throw in some cash on hand, I simply cannot afford a backhoe. Too bad for me, but that's the way it is. I'll have to rent for the backhoe work, or put it off.
Now as far as getting a bunch of implements, I think N80's post makes a lot of sense to me. Trying to buy it all at once gets too complex. I'm just going to get the tractor and FEL and whatever options I know and want that will cost more to put in later. So that really just means the the tractor, FEL, and maybe brush guard, work lights, telescoping draft links (or quick hitch, but probably not both), and either a
ballast box or a box blade. Speaking of which, quick poll: with a 2900 lb tractor, loaded R4s, and a box blade, will I have enough weight to do FEL digging, or should I get a ballast box and swap it on for FEL digging?
Anyway now that I know I'm really only trying to fit the tractor and FEL into my budget, and that I want more than 25 hp, I went and drove the JD 3120 and 3320. Just playing with a loader pile and the 300cx FEL, I felt I was taxing the 3120 when I would dig and push the throttle hard, whereas the 3320 handled it with ease. I think the 3320 will make me plenty happy in terms of power. The 3520 is more than I need (heck the 3120 would do everything I want, I just liked the feeling of the 3320 better). So I know I want the 3320 or equivalent from another manufacturer. I went and sat in a couple Kubotas, the L3400 (I think) and the B7800. The L was just too big for what I'm doing, I don't need that much tractor and I don't want that much size. Same on the JD 4x20 or 990. I also want my wife to feel comfortable using it to move hay from storage to the stalls, so the hydro is probably a must.
Anyway the B7800 just didn't fit me as well (6'5" 230). I felt a little cramped getting in and out (which I do a lot of, working alone most of the time). Also, using the loader, it felt a bit lightweight... the bucket full of gravel really moved the tractor more than with the 3320. Overall I didn't have a hard time deciding I liked the 3320 over the B7800.
The NH dealer was closed but I sat on a 34DA, and I think it's a great tractor just by looking it over, and playing with levers. It has a really nice layout. One small complaint: I really don't like the treadle pedal design. But my only real issue with the NH is there is only one smaller dealer nearby and he's only there part of the time. There are three JD guys within 20 minutes and they're all 20+ years in the business. I need to get a quote on the NH and drive it, though.
I'm also going to try out the TYM from the Newberg dealer woodlandfarms suggested. Heck maybe if I am willing to risk an unknown brand I will come away with a backhoe after all
So there you go, after all this I'm down to the JD 3320 vs. the NH 34DA (still need to drive that one) and maybe looking at the TYM stuff if they can get me the backhoe.
I'm going to spec out and price a 3320 but I'll do that on the JD pricing forum. I'll let you know what I think of the NH.
Big thanks for all the help fellas. Two weeks ago I had over 10 tractors written on my notes, now I'm down to two!
Nathan