End of life, sometimes oh so ironic

   / End of life, sometimes oh so ironic #1  

Sigarms

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Wife's grandmother died the end of this January, and her grandfather just died the other day. Married 64 years, both 84 years old.

Grandfather couldn't make it to the memorial service for his wife because he was hospitalized with pneumonia. He also spent the last fourteen days in the hospital on a CPAP machine.

Seeing him on the machine, trying to talk, I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy.

What I find ironic is that when they finally come to the decision to take him off the machine, it's "lets drug him up so bad so he can't feel anything and hope he goes quick".

First, I'd like to make clear that the one doctor was absolutely wonderful on how he handled the situation and dealing with both patient and family.

However, I scratch my head thinking that we've come so far as a society, but when someone is GOING to die, we have to let natural events take their own course (and time) and can't use modern medicine to end life.

Thinking about it, some of my dogs who had to be put down at the vets office probably go out with less pain than some humans in modern hospitals.

There was a guy down the road from me who was in his 70's, learned that he had brain cancer, and decided to go out on his own terms. I can only hope I have the same resolve if I'm faced with the same situation.

About my wife's grandparents...

Married 64 years together, and dying within a month of each other is a pretty good darn run in this world if you ask me.
 
   / End of life, sometimes oh so ironic #2  
I'm 52 and still have both of my parents.
I may/might be going thru some thing similar at some point and time and I'm not looking for word to it:(
Sorry for your loss.
 
   / End of life, sometimes oh so ironic #3  
Sigarms,I,m so sorry for your loss,but what a wonderful thing about the human spirit that a loving couple didn,t or couldn,t live without the other.Best wishes to you and your family,Dave
 
   / End of life, sometimes oh so ironic #4  
Bittersweet and poignant story Sigarms. Sorry for your loss, but thanks for posting.

Jim
 
   / End of life, sometimes oh so ironic
  • Thread Starter
#6  
Thanks guys.

I guess what was different in this experience was that the other day, I was talking to him while he was on the machine and he was "fine".

I can be one not to play around with words, and I knew he was going to die when they decided to take the mask off, so I told him what I needed to say (and I had my wife ask him some questions so we would know what he would want to do in case their was any family squabbling) and consider myself so lucky to be able to do so (talk to him).

Guess what bugs me is I think what would happen if I were in his (grandfathers) position. If I were in his position and the doctor told me if they were to take my mask off that I was most likely die, but that they wouldn't know how long it would take, I'd want to get it over with quick. Yes, it's nice that they would pump me full of drugs that hopefully it would be painless and quick, but I guess I'd like to go out with my senses about me.

Made me think of my uncle when I was a young man visiting him in the hospital and he was dying of lung cancer. He didn't go pretty at all, and he was so out of it in his last days that he treated his wife awful and said hurtful things even though we knew he didn't mean it.
 
   / End of life, sometimes oh so ironic #7  
Sigarms,it,s never easy to lose the folks that mean the most to us.The older I get ,it just naturally happens more often.It,s been told to me that nature protects us by,if you will"shock".So much has been done for pain management from years ago that I don,t know if a person is aware of much in the end of life.You seem to be a kind person and respected your wifes grand father unlike so many elders being mistreated so I,m sure he was grateful for that.I call my elderly dad a few times a week to tell him I love him and believe me those things never used to be said to embarrased I guess.Take care ,better times are ahead Dave
 
   / End of life, sometimes oh so ironic #8  
It has been a few years but my dad had cancer in his leg.
He had the chemo therapy for the leg that just about killed him and the Dr said he couldn't tolerate any more his leg started getting better was Ok for 6 mouths or so then the leg flared up again.
He decided on early on Thursday that he wanted to be kept from pain and that is all he wanted!
My syster didn't take it well, I understood his wishes and I came to the decision that I hope I have the guts to do the same thing (he also had lung cancer he didn't tell us about).

He passed early on Saturday while we were there with him.

He was my hero before he died, and passed with dignity in my opinion and is still my hero!

tom
 
   / End of life, sometimes oh so ironic
  • Thread Starter
#9  
He passed early on Saturday while we were there with him.

I've come to the conclusion that those who have their loved ones at their side during the time of their death are truly the most luckiest people in the world.

My wife's grandfather was a traveling minister for over 40 years and ended up living off social security in their trailer on their small piece of property (he didn't own much in earthly goods). For the one day I was in the hospital he had 6 people who were not his family members stop in to wish him well (from the church he and his wife went to). After all these years, it finally hit me what it means that you don't have to have money to be rich.
 
   / End of life, sometimes oh so ironic #10  
Amen, that is the quandrey


Wife's grandmother died the end of this January, and her grandfather just died the other day. Married 64 years, both 84 years old.

Grandfather couldn't make it to the memorial service for his wife because he was hospitalized with pneumonia. He also spent the last fourteen days in the hospital on a CPAP machine.

Seeing him on the machine, trying to talk, I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy.

What I find ironic is that when they finally come to the decision to take him off the machine, it's "lets drug him up so bad so he can't feel anything and hope he goes quick".

First, I'd like to make clear that the one doctor was absolutely wonderful on how he handled the situation and dealing with both patient and family.

However, I scratch my head thinking that we've come so far as a society, but when someone is GOING to die, we have to let natural events take their own course (and time) and can't use modern medicine to end life.

Thinking about it, some of my dogs who had to be put down at the vets office probably go out with less pain than some humans in modern hospitals.

There was a guy down the road from me who was in his 70's, learned that he had brain cancer, and decided to go out on his own terms. I can only hope I have the same resolve if I'm faced with the same situation.

About my wife's grandparents...

Married 64 years together, and dying within a month of each other is a pretty good darn run in this world if you ask me.
 
 
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