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  1. #1
    Platinum Member
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    Aug 2001
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    990
    Location
    Winchester, New Hampshire
    Tractor
    Kubota L3000

    Default Need Advice - SOON

    My mother who is 73 is terminal with cancer. Two years ago it was discovered in her blatter and treated but in the last 5 months it has spread to her lungs, bones, liver, kidneys. She is on oxygen to help her breathing now.

    My father died 24 years ago and she remarried a man who is in my mothers terms a little greedy when it comes to money. Back before she took a turn for the worse she and her husband planned a trip to a remote place in Mexico to visit a large canyon which they would hike into with a group of people.

    Her husband is adamant that she still go on this trip, she doesn't really want to go but is afraid to say no to him. My sister who is a nurse has told her should she get any type of sickness there it would be fatal and without her oxygen she might not make it, she doesn't think she can take her oxygen on the airplane.

    They will have to take a train and bus ride to reach the caynon area in Mexico. Her husband said she can sit in the bus while they others hike. We have pleaded with her husband not to take her but he says she will be okay. We had told him that if she does die there it could be difficult to get her body back to the states. His reply was we have $5,000.00 insurance for medical and I can use your inheritance to get her back if I have to.

    We don't care about the inheritance, he does, she tried to take care of her financial affairs when she first discovered she had cancer and he is upset about that. We care about her health and don't want to she her die any sooner than what is natural. His responce when asked what if she dies on this trip was, oh well.

    Does anyone know how we can protect our mother in this situation??

    Thanks,
    Randy

  2. #2
    Veteran Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2003
    Posts
    1,160
    Location
    Denton, TX
    Tractor
    BX 2200

    Default Re: Need Advice - SOON

    Oh man. My prayers are with you and your family.

    I'm not a medical professional, but it sounds to me like your Mom's illness is too advanced for this type of trip. With that being said, I'm also not one to stand in the way of someone's last dying wishes or efforts to fullfill a lifelong dream. I guess the problem is in determining if it's "her" dream or your stepdad's.

    Is it more important to your mom that she risk it all taking this trip, or forego the trip to spend more time with her loved one's?
    I plan to screech to a sideways stop at heavens gate, jump out with a cigar in one hand, a scotch in the other, yelling "WOOHOO!! WHAT A RIDE!!!"

  3. #3
    Super Member scott_vt's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2004
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    5,009
    Location
    east wells,vt
    Tractor
    1986 MF 1040, 1942 Farmall A, 1949 Farmall Super A

    Default Re: Need Advice - SOON

    Hi Youare,
    First of all Im very sorry to hear of your Moms' illness. In reading what you put together for your post, I would say your stepfather is being very selfish to drag your sick mother all the way down there to sit in a darn hot bus while others are out having fun

    Once again this is very personal stuff, but if you could have a private moment with her, ask her what she really wants ? And go from there.

    Good Luck on whatever is decided !
    scotty

    ,,,course,,it is gas,and gas is,,well,gas,,so,,but it kills the @#$$ oughta them yellow jackets,,,thingy

    http://www.tractorbynet.com/content/...onth-scott_vt/

  4. #4
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    May 2006
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    264
    Location
    NE TX
    Tractor
    Long LongTrac

    Default Re: Need Advice - SOON

    I am very sorry to hear about your mother.
    My prayers are with you.

    I think it is important to find his motives at any cost hire a PI.
    When I worked for a large international company our life insurance paid more if we were in another country.

    Document every conversation with him regarding this matter and note the date and time.

    Talk to a lawyer.

    God's speed!

  5. #5
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2001
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    990
    Location
    Winchester, New Hampshire
    Tractor
    Kubota L3000

    Default Re: Need Advice - SOON

    Thanks for all the concern and advice.

    I know we all must pass from this life to the next and both my mother and I are at peace with this. My concern is that she is being forced to do something she would not do on her own.

    I just don't understand why he is so adamant about her going knowing it could shorten the little time she has left. He will not go on the trip without her, which is strange.

    Thanks,
    Randy

  6. #6
    Veteran Member
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    Mar 2004
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    1,518
    Location
    Indiana
    Tractor
    BX 23

    Default Re: Need Advice - SOON

    Quote Originally Posted by Youare
    Thanks for all the concern and advice.

    I know we all must pass from this life to the next and both my mother and I are at peace with this. My concern is that she is being forced to do something she would not do on her own.

    I just don't understand why he is so adamant about her going knowing it could shorten the little time she has left. He will not go on the trip without her, which is strange.

    Thanks,
    Randy
    You may have hit the nail on the head right here. I would be asking my MOM about divorcing this man..........He is being a jerk.
    Danny

  7. #7
    Elite Member CurlyDave's Avatar
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    Dec 2005
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    4,081
    Location
    Grants Pass, OR
    Tractor
    JD TLB 110

    Default Re: Need Advice - SOON

    I just don't understand why he is so adamant about her going knowing it could shorten the little time she has left. He will not go on the trip without her, which is strange.

    If I had to guess, i suspect he will not go alone because he wants to be there when she dies.

    Probably in order to have more say in what happens, especially with regard to a will.

    If you can possibly afford it, talk to a lawyer.

    In many, if not all, states, a holographic (hand written) will supercedes any and all previous wills...

  8. #8
    Elite Member Sigarms's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
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    3,137
    Location
    Mid north west in the state of N.C
    Tractor
    F3080

    Default Re: Need Advice - SOON

    Quote Originally Posted by CurlyDave
    If you can possibly afford it, talk to a lawyer.
    Second that.

    Why is your mother afraid to say "no" to this man about going on the trip?

    Who is the executor of her will and are they and the family lawyer "up to date" on your mothers last wishes?

    I realize you mentioned that you and the family doesn't care about the inheritance, but I respectfully suggest that you should, not for you personally, but to make sure any assets are distributed in a manner that your mother would want.
    Just because you can't do everything, doesn't mean that you have to chose to do nothing.

  9. #9
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    May 2006
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    726
    Location
    St.Marys County. Maryland/Tall Timbers Md.
    Tractor
    Farmtrac 300 dtc

    Default Re: Need Advice - SOON

    "His responce when asked what if she dies on this trip was, oh well."

    You, your mother, an attorney, and pen and paper need time alone in priviate without the step dad.



  10. #10
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2001
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    990
    Location
    Winchester, New Hampshire
    Tractor
    Kubota L3000

    Default Re: Need Advice - SOON

    Thanks for all your advice and support.

    I now realize that my mother's husbands actions are born out of his denial of the extent of her illness and the fear of loosing her.

    Friday my mother was taken to the hospital with breathing problems. Saturday evening she passed away. Now it is easier to see the motives for his actions.

    Mom and I share a faith in God that gives us the confidence that we will one day meet again where there is no sickness or seperation. What a hope and comfort this is.

    Thank you all for the concern and the support, you helped make a difficult issue easier with your observations and sharing of your experiences.

    Death may steal the physical presence of a loved one but not the memories we have. Your concern is a memory I will always treasure and I hope to pass along the favor to others as I have opportunity. Your a great bunch of people.

    I will be away from the computer for a few days, because mine at home has quit. Once again thanks for the concern and advice.

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