Buried a good friend of mine today:

[Brushhill dave]

My question is how do you decide where you bury the body?? We grew up together and like alot from our generation moved across the country (3300 miles) to make a better life for ourselves. He was married to a great girl in the west but his family is for the most part on the east coast. I faced with this same question myself now that death has found my circle, and am left wondering what to do?? Any suggestions will be welcomed

 

[toy]

My question is how do you decide where you bury the body?? We grew up together and like alot from our generation moved across the country (3300 miles) to make a better life for ourselves. He was married to a great girl in the west but his family is for the most part on the east coast. I faced with this same question myself now that death has found my circle, and am left wondering what to do?? Any suggestions will be welcomed

Sorry to hear of your loss, it does hit hard when it is friends that you grew up with. I lost two friends last week, one was my first cousin and the other one I went to school with and we rode motor cycles together when we were younger, they both were buried in the area where they made their life as an adult and raised their families.

We have a family cemetery near where I live and that is probably where I will be placed. You have to decide if you want to be taken back to where you grew up or do you want to be buried where you lived your life as an adult. After you make that decision then , at least in this area, you would decide if you want to be buried in a public or family cemetery or if you want to be buried in a commercial cemetery. If you intend to be buried in a commercial cemetery then you need to purchase a plot there, and possibly purchase an opening and a closing. My mother has asked me to take her to make a prearranged and prepaid funeral at the funeral home where she wants to be taken, she said she don't want to put a burden on her children when she passes, it is going to be a hard day for me and her also I guess but I appreciate her for planing ahead. In our area a typical funeral can cost about $9 or $10 thousand. To be cremated is cheaper of course but that is not the rout that a lot want to go. A school friend of mine was killed a couple years ago and he didn't have any family, the state cremated him. If you already know which funeral home you want to take care of you then it might be better to go talk to them and they can give you the advise or make suggestions that might help you. I hope this might help you some, take care and God bless.

 

[TripleR]

I sure wish I knew the answer to that and really encourage everyone to give that serious consideration now no matter your age. I almost died a few times with the first at the age of 21.

My family knows my wishes, but I put it in writing with a copy for my wife and kids; no visitation or funeral service with cremation and I don't care what they do with the ashes. I refuse to have thousands of dollars on casket and the other related expenses.

My dad made his wishes known and my 89 year old mother has hers arranged and paid for.

 

[forgeblast]

I am going to be cremated and planted under a tree on our property some where, i have it written out for my family.
My grandmother who was 92, had everything planned out from the obit, to clothes to who gets what. I can honestly say it made a difficult time easier. I want to do the same.

 

[creekbend]

Sincere condolences in regards to the passing away of your Friend. My Father bought cemetery plots for the entire Family when I was young. My Grandparents, Mother, a Brother, Aunts and Uncles are buried there already.

 

[bp fick]

This is very personal and family oriented.

Our kids always liked to stop by the ancestral cemetery every few years. They took some sense of connectedness and identity in their roots by seeing the generations represented there. I don't know.

I only know I wish I could stop by my dad's grave from time to time. Cannot do it since my mother interned his remains down in Florida. That was her choice, but it doesn't do anything for the kids, grandkids or great grandkids, almost all of who have mentioned they wish he was somewhere within the state where they could just go "visit", whatever personal meaning that has to each of them.

It's different for different people and different family traditions. I guess I'm saying it wouldn't about me, cause I'll be done and won't care, but I think the grandkids will care. Need to do something about it, one of these days.

 

[jmurray01]

I'm sorry to hear of your loss Dave.

I don't plan on leaving the area I was brought up in, but if I did, I think I'd still want to be burried "at home".

Everybody is different though.

 

[dmccarty]

It is a tough decision.

One set of my grandparents bought plots in a place in central Florida. The plots are likely worth a lot of money today. My grandmother is still alive but my grandfather died and is in AL. Nobody in the family is in central FLA to visit the plots if they were buried there.

My other grandfather is in IN and it is doubtful I or the grandkids will ever see his grave.

My other grandmother is buried in a family plot in GA. We have stopped by the grave to visit.

The wifey's side of the family has a large family plot. Given that they are living in the same area of NC it is easier to visit the plot.

Buying a plot today does not mean your family will even be in the area when one is buried. Unless it is a family plot and the family stays in the area, in a few generations nobody will be visiting.

One of the neatest/oddist thing I have seen was a family grave yard in the middle of now where. I was on a canoe trip in eastern NC. We had permission to camp on some private land so we stopped for the night. There was a dirt road on the land but the road was supposed to be gated.

It happened to be a night with a full moon which rose early in the evening. A couple went wondering down the road and found a family plot that was off the road. A group of us went back to see the graveyard. Under a full moon. A midnight.

It was obvious that the family once had money. The grave yard was surrounded by a wall and a metal gate. The largest monument was from the oldest couple. They were young adults in the Civil War. As their kids and grandkids died off as the generations passed, the monuments got smaller and cheaper. The last people buried had metal markers that I think were used for paupers.

I would guess that our little group was the most people that had visited that grave yard in decades....

I have seen little family plots in the Appalachian mountains that last had a burial in the 20's, 30's or maybe the 40's. The plots where off the side of roads that are now blocked off. Almost certainly nobody visits anymore.

I do not know the answer because circumstances are so varied and can easily change.

Later,
Dan

 

[TripleR]

It is a tough decision.

One set of my grandparents bought plots in a place in central Florida. The plots are likely worth a lot of money today. My grandmother is still alive but my grandfather died and is in AL. Nobody in the family is in central FLA to visit the plots if they were buried there.

My other grandfather is in IN and it is doubtful I or the grandkids will ever see his grave.

My other grandmother is buried in a family plot in GA. We have stopped by the grave to visit.

The wifey's side of the family has a large family plot. Given that they are living in the same area of NC it is easier to visit the plot.

Buying a plot today does not mean your family will even be in the area when one is buried. Unless it is a family plot and the family stays in the area, in a few generations nobody will be visiting.

One of the neatest/oddist thing I have seen was a family grave yard in the middle of now where. I was on a canoe trip in eastern NC. We had permission to camp on some private land so we stopped for the night. There was a dirt road on the land but the road was supposed to be gated.

It happened to be a night with a full moon which rose early in the evening. A couple went wondering down the road and found a family plot that was off the road. A group of us went back to see the graveyard. Under a full moon. A midnight.

It was obvious that the family once had money. The grave yard was surrounded by a wall and a metal gate. The largest monument was from the oldest couple. They were young adults in the Civil War. As their kids and grandkids died off as the generations passed, the monuments got smaller and cheaper. The last people buried had metal markers that I think were used for paupers.

I would guess that our little group was the most people that had visited that grave yard in decades....

I have seen little family plots in the Appalachian mountains that last had a burial in the 20's, 30's or maybe the 40's. The plots where off the side of roads that are now blocked off. Almost certainly nobody visits anymore.

I do not know the answer because circumstances are so varied and can easily change.

Later,
Dan

Yes it is a difficult decision and I neglected to convey my condolences to Brushhill dave for which I apologize, we just all look at it differently.

We have a farm with an old family cemetery of about twenty or so graves. We don't know the family and no ones visits it. There are several such overgrown cemeteries close to where I live and I have run across many while trail riding. South of me in New Madrid County cemeteries are located in the middle of actively farmed fields with the original owners long forgotten.

 

[whiskywizard]

This is very personal and family oriented.

Our kids always liked to stop by the ancestral cemetery every few years. They took some sense of connectedness and identity in their roots by seeing the generations represented there. I don't know.

I only know I wish I could stop by my dad's grave from time to time. Cannot do it since my mother interned his remains down in Florida. That was her choice, but it doesn't do anything for the kids, grandkids or great grandkids, almost all of who have mentioned they wish he was somewhere within the state where they could just go "visit", whatever personal meaning that has to each of them.

It's different for different people and different family traditions. I guess I'm saying it wouldn't about me, cause I'll be done and won't care, but I think the grandkids will care. Need to do something about it, one of these days.

First, let me extend sympathies to Brushill Dave...

Having your father interred far away raises an important point. Funerals, services, caskets, prayers, headstones, wakes, etc are all for the living, not the dead. These things help bring closure, allowing those still alive to say their goodbyes and move ahead.

Whatever choice the OP makes, it needs to be in the interests of those still living.