Oldie but Goodie...

[RobS]

Seems appropriate for some of us...


Diary of a Mad Shoveler
or
A Texan Moves to Minnesota

December 8: 6:00 PM. It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!

December 9: We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the Whole World? Moving here was the
best idea I've ever had. Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life.

December 12: The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. l don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man I'm glad he's our neighbor.

December 14: Snow lovely snow! 8" last night. The temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and
sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. l didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish l wouldn't huff and puff so.

December 15: 20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.

December 16: Ice storm this morning. Fell on my [censored] on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like ****. The wife laughed for an hour, Which I think was very cruel.

December 17: Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to
irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her. God I hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.

December 20: Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of the [censored] stuff last night. More shoveling. Took all day. [censored] snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said
they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they're
lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying.

December 22: Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white [censored] fell today, and it's so cold it probably won't melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to
go out to shovel and then I had to piss. By the time I got undressed, pissed and dressed again, I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter; but he says
he's too busy. I think the [censored] is lying.

December 23: Only 2" of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she nuts?!! Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did but I think she's lying.

December 24: 6". Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son of a bitch who drives that snowplow, I'll drag him through the snow by his balls. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was busy watching for the [censored] snowplow.

December 25: Merry Christmas. 20 more inches of the f***ing slop tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's an idiot. If I have to watch "It's a Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to kill her.

December 26: Still snowed in. Why the **** did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.

December 27: Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze.

December 28: Warmed up to above -50. Still snowed in. THE BITCH is driving me crazy!!!!!

December 29: 10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?

December 30: Roof caved in. The snow plow driver is suing me for a million dollars. The wife went home to her mother. 9" predicted.

December 31: Set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.

January 8: I feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?

Rob

[markcg2000]

[img]/w3tcompact/icons/laugh.gif[/img] [img]/w3tcompact/icons/laugh.gif[/img] [img]/w3tcompact/icons/laugh.gif[/img] [img]/w3tcompact/icons/laugh.gif[/img] [img]/w3tcompact/icons/laugh.gif[/img]
I had to keep biting my tongue so that my cube-neighbors wouldn't lock ME up!! I'm printing this and hanging it on the wall! This was great.

[JimBinMI]

RobS,

[img]/w3tcompact/icons/laugh.gif[/img][img]/w3tcompact/icons/laugh.gif[/img][img]/w3tcompact/icons/laugh.gif[/img][img]/w3tcompact/icons/laugh.gif[/img][img]/w3tcompact/icons/laugh.gif[/img][img]/w3tcompact/icons/laugh.gif[/img][img]/w3tcompact/icons/laugh.gif[/img][img]/w3tcompact/icons/laugh.gif[/img][img]/w3tcompact/icons/laugh.gif[/img][img]/w3tcompact/icons/laugh.gif[/img][img]/w3tcompact/icons/laugh.gif[/img][img]/w3tcompact/icons/laugh.gif[/img][img]/w3tcompact/icons/laugh.gif[/img][img]/w3tcompact/icons/laugh.gif[/img][img]/w3tcompact/icons/laugh.gif[/img]

Thanks, I've read that before, a couple of times and I just can't get through it without doubling over and tearing up!

JimBinMI

[ERNIEB]

Thats great![img]/w3tcompact/icons/laugh.gif[/img] I want to send a copy of this to Red Mccombs as incentive to move the Vikings to San Antonio[img]/w3tcompact/icons/wink.gif[/img]

ErnieB
"We were surrounded by some gross, proud, and victorious men. Anyone who knows the character of the North Americans can judge what our situation must have been."
Jose Juan Sanchez Navarro

[RobertN]

Harv
I don't get this... do you? [img]/w3tcompact/icons/wink.gif[/img]
Did you have to put on a long sleeve shirt today? Sandals and shorts were out for the day, but [img]/w3tcompact/icons/wink.gif[/img][img]/w3tcompact/icons/wink.gif[/img]

Honestly though, all that pretty stuff leaves you guys green when we are brown and on fire here in the summer [img]/w3tcompact/icons/frown.gif[/img]

RobertN in Shingle Springs Calif

[Harv]

<font color=blue>Did you have to put on a long sleeve shirt today?</font color=blue>

RobertN -
Nope! I did put on a windbreaker, though -- it rained so much that the road got completely wet. [img]/w3tcompact/icons/wink.gif[/img]

I enjoyed the "Oldie But Goodie" story immensely, even though I'm not sure what that white stuff is they keep talking about. We get a lot of leaves on the ground here, so I figure it must be something like that. [img]/w3tcompact/icons/laugh.gif[/img]

They say that Californians don't know what seasons are, and I suspect they're right. Winter is when the ground is wet, and summer is when it's dry. Autumn and spring have something to do with colors. [img]/w3tcompact/icons/crazy.gif[/img]

On the other hand, Californians are willing to spend mondo dollars for a week in Aspen.

Go figure.

[PaulB]

Well I just plowed the first snow of the year worthy of firing up the tractor, and had a great time doing it. Still can't wipe the grin off my face. Lets see how I feel in 2 or 3 months!

[TWINKLE_TOES]

Rob,

Thanks I have never seen that before. I thought the growing "I think He's/She's lying" part was really funny, and I'm not lying[smile}

[Muhammad]

Yeah, I got that one from another forum user probably about this time last year. [img]/w3tcompact/icons/wink.gif[/img] Very funny, each time I see it! [img]/w3tcompact/icons/laugh.gif[/img] Worth passing along to others in the snow...