Dark Sucker....I stole this from another site.

[Durbob]

What? You aren't familiar with the Dark Sucker? Here's a little primer: For years, it has been believed that electric bulbs emit light, but recent information has proved otherwise. Electric bulbs don't emit light; they suck dark. Thus, we call these bulbs Dark Suckers. The Dark Sucker Theory and the existence of dark suckers prove that dark has mass and is heavier than light. First, the basis of the Dark Sucker Theory is that electric bulbs suck dark. For example, take the Dark Sucker in the room you are in. There is much less dark right next to it than there is elsewhere. The larger the Dark Sucker, the greater its capacity to suck dark. Dark Suckers in the parking lot have a much greater capacity to suck dark than the ones in this room. So with all things, Dark Suckers don't last forever. Once they are full of dark, they can no longer suck. This is proven by the dark spot on a full Dark Sucker. A candle is a primitive Dark Sucker. A new candle has a white wick. You can see that after the first use, the wick turns black, representing all the dark that has been sucked into it. If you put a pencil next to the wick of an operating candle, it will turn black. This is because it got in the way of the dark flowing into the candle. One of the disadvantages of these primitive Dark Suckers is their limited range. There are also portable Dark Suckers. In these, the bulbs can't handle all the dark by themselves and must be aided by a Dark Storage Unit. When the Dark Storage Unit is full, it must be either emptied or replaced before the portable Dark Sucker can operate again. Dark has mass. When dark goes into a Dark Sucker, friction from the mass generates heat. Thus, it is not wise to touch an operating Dark Sucker. Candles present a special problem as the mass must travel into a solid wick instead of through clear glass. This generates a great amount of heat and therefore it's not wise to touch an operating candle. Also, dark is heavier than light. If you were to swim just below the surface of the lake, you would see a lot of light. If you were to slowly swim deeper and deeper, you would notice it getting darker and darker. When you get really deep, you would be in total darkness. This is because the heavier dark sinks to the bottom of the lake and the lighter light floats at the top. The is why it is called light. Finally, we must prove that dark is faster than light. If you were to stand in a lit room in front of a closed, dark closet, and slowly opened the closet door, you would see the light slowly enter the closet. But since dark is so fast, you would not be able to see the dark leave the closet. Next time you see an electric bulb, remember that it is a Dark Sucker. SO, then, you now have the basics, lets move on to more advanced theory: It had been thought until this time that shadows were merely the absence of light; but an innovative research team from the University of Lower Sodbury has ruined that perfectly good theory by discovering a new wavelength of light -- that responsible for shadows. Doctor Bob Wigglebottom, head of the research team, explains the accidental discovery that instigated the research: "While fiddling around one day with a couple of uwave fluxometers and a jug of Bozleys Best Bitter, I noticed a peculiar thing. But it went away again when I stopped moving my head. Anyway, after that I noticed that when the fluxometers were waved in the shadow of the beer, there were some slight, unexpected fluctuations in the readings on the U.W.F. I tried it again, only sober this time, and noted the same effect. I began thinking about the possible cause...". After 2 years of painstaking research and extra-long lunch breaks, the Sodbury team have gathered enough data to reveal their discovery -- the fascinating world of Shadowlight. Shadowlight is a form of light which exists at very small wavelengths, far beyond the visible spectrum. It has a smaller wavelength even than microwaves, enabling it to propagate through solid objects (without exciting their molecules and making them explode, as luck would have it). As it passes through solids, shadowlight excites the dark particles lying within them, causing a current* of dark in the same direction. Thus, dark can be seen flowing out of the side of objects facing away from the light source. Transparent objects contain a much lower dark density, and thus produce weaker shadows. [A related discovery of the team explains the danger of standing under a levitated piano: Should the dark inside slip, it can be propelled towards the ground by shadowlight at very high velocity, and if it hits a person, it can supersaturate their eyes and brain with dark so that they are temporarily blinded and fall unconscious. (Often the piano will also be sucked down by the vortex created by the sudden movement of dark, which can cause great damage and may get blood on the piano.)] It is thought that if Newton was aware of the way in which solar Shadowlight accelerates dark, which in turn applies a downward force to solid objects, our concept of gravity would be quite different. This phenomenon is also responsible for the movement of rivers: as solar shadowlight reflects down from snowcapped mountains, it drives deep into the river, pushing the dark downhill. The slight friction between dark particles and water particles pushes the water. This moving water in turn pushes the water that lies further down out of sight of the mountains, until it flows out into the sea. Although the emitted dark is carried out of the solid by the shadowlight, it tends to spread out slightly as it leaves the object, resulting in a fuzzy edge (the shadow penumbra). Test this for yourself - as you move an object further from its shadow, the shadow spreads out and gets fuzzier and fainter. This is because the cone-shaped flow of dark is being spread out over a larger area, and is therefore diluted by more light. Postulating that objects 'recharge' by absorbing dark during the night, the team set up an experiment where objects were continuously exposed to a 100 watt dark sucker. After 3 months the observed shadows had not weakened, and it was then that an able young student realized that the dark sucker had been running on 50 Hz AC power, and that dark was able to leak back into the objects between AC cycles. Experiments are planned to use a second bulb with a 90 degree phase-lag to provide a more constant dark vacuum, as soon as the funding for the extra bulb comes through from the University Senate. Doctor Wigglebottom is now collaborating with Bell Laboratories on research into the potential uses of solar shadowlight in driving dark through power-generating turbines. * Dark current is measured with an SI unit based upon the number of negative candelas of light (or positive candelas of dark) emitted from an appropriately excited black-body object (such as a Nubian woman's brazier, heated to body temperature, and folded to make a roughly spherical shape), the 'candelabra'. How does all of this relate to air in tires? I think it is obvious, and anyone who can't see the parallel at this point should just buy a Murray, and quit fiddling with the premium brands. Some people are just not intended to have the Premium brand equipment. Then, Tom asked: Grant,I enjoyed the light ,dark explanation.makes sense to me.Now,when a refrigerator is running normally,does it make cold,or take away heat inside,or neither one? And why? Hint,hint,nudge,nudge! Feel the condensor. I replied: Your refrigerator uses almost total darkness to create the cold. This is why it has such tight, magnetic seals around the door. It needs these seals to keep out all of the light, so this absence of light makes it cold in the refrigerator. This theory can be proven to be true by simply going out into your garage and feeling the concrete floor. It is cold because of all the dark under the cement migrating up through the cement and making the surface cold. Surprisingly, this effect takes no electricity to take place. For years, the makers of refrigerators have been including a complex bunch of equipment with the refrigerators to help keep the price of them high. This equipment also serves the added effect of transmitting electric power, via subaudible wavelengths back to the refrigerator company. That is why all refrigerators have the big antenna either on their back, or underneath them. The manufacturers harness this energy to provide them with free power to manufacture new appliances. This complex equipment can also be controlled by the appliance company completely. If you unplug the refrigerator, the power transmission to the appliance company is stopped, which sounds an alarm at the appliance companies secret control room. Then, they send out a signal to your refrigerator to open a small aperture in a hidden place on the refrigerator to allow a small amount of light in, thereby slowly allowing the refrigerator to warm up when unplugged. There are those who argue with the cold-dark connection. To them I say this: 1. Why then does it always get coldest at night? 2. Why is it always colder near the bottom of a lake than on the surface? You'd think that your cars, lawn and garden equipment would have cold tires if all of this were true. In fact, tires are semi-permeable by light, therefore they don't get very cold. This can easily be seen by getting inside a large tire, just before it is mounted on the rim. It isn't as dark as you would expect in there. The theory can also be supported by a simple experiment with an aerosol spray can. The can sits there at room temperature because as long as there is pressure in the can, it is permeable to light (due to the slight expansion of the can itself while under pressure). Now, spray the can for a few seconds...Gets cold. This is because the release of pressure allows the light admitting gaps in the skin to temporarily close up, thereby creating a temporary dark area, which gets cold just like a refrigerator. When the can is totally empty, the effect stops, due to the specially designed light admitting valve (provided by the refrigerator people, to prevent us from getting free cold). There have recently been some advances in producing solid-dark. Solid dark is not black, like you might expect. instead, it is opaque in color, just like an ice-cube. It isn't black because of it's dark sucking ability (just like a new lighbulb isn't black) Anyway, The little things in the middle of an ice-cube are actually little bits of solid dark, held in place by frozen water. you'll notice that the little bubbles disappear when the ice-cube melts? This is because the solid dark has turned back to its normal quasi-gaseous state. If you go to Wal-Mart, you can find little greenish blue bottles of rechargeable dark. They aren't charged when you buy them. These operate similarly to the batteries we use to hold dark. To use the rechargeable dark bottles, simply put them in a dark place like your freezer (which by the way is kept darker than the refrigerator). Once devoid of light (dark), these bottles of dark can be placed in a cooler to keep food items cold. They work best when used in the dark, so keep the cooler lid closed! Also note that they won't last as long in the daytime, as they do at night, due to the massive amount of light they have to absorb. Another innovation in dark-cold engineering is the can-coozy. They simply keep the drink inside them mostly dark, thereby keeping it cold longer. Don't believe me? Then why are can coozy's almost never transparent? Actually, another advancement has been made which allows visible light to move through an object, but not dark. This stuff is used in stuff like High-E glass, and transparent can coozies. Then, Wayne Asked: Grant: Finally! Someone who can explain physics theory in a manner that this country dummy can understand. I tried reading the scientific and engineering papers on the subject. I became so confused! I actually thought that these 'bulbs' emitted light! Isn't that a laugh? Dark suckers that emit light! Hahahaha! However, I have one question that has evaded at least one of the best philosophers of modern times (Quentin Schwatz - the owner of our local pub) and that is this. If a candle actually sucks dark (rather than the preposterous theory of emitting light), shouldn't it get larger as it is used? So large in fact that, at some point in time, it will exceed the molecular energy holding the cell walls together? If that is indeed the case, shouldn't we also have some kind of a 'dark explosion' as the candle's cell walls ruptured and leaked out all of that dark? Does anyone get hurt when this happens? Actually, I guess that was several questions. I await your response. A: Things that suck dark have a limited life span. This is because they eventually fill up with dark. Engineers privvy to the design of such items, are highly trained to prevent disaster, caused by reaching the critical mass of dark. If any of the many types of dark-suckers are allowed to operate for an excessive amount of time, a critical mass of dark will develop. Once a critical mass of dark develops, very odd things happen. Government researchers postulated that the so-called "lightbulb" manufacturers were making a huge mistake when they were producing all of those really reliable "lightbulbs" back in the early part of the century. You know the clear ones lots of people still have in outbuildings, and basements of old farm houses. Since those things never seem to "burn-out", Government officials had to begin marketing B-B guns to little boys to prevent any of them from reaching critical-dark-mass. A seemingly innocent toy prevented the sure destruction of mankind. Now that there are a safe number of those long-lasting dark-suckers, B-B guns aren't marketed as aggressively. I am not very well versed in the nature of these things, but the common scientific term for a critical mass of dark is a "black hole". From my very basic understanding of black holes, they can bend light, have temperatures approaching absolute zero, have a huge gravitational pull, which can cause an uneven cut on your lawn, among other horrors. Anyway, since these black holes have a huge gravitational pull, due to their density, it is impossible to measure if they actually get larger, or smaller when more dark is added. Sorry to say that your first question will have to go unanswered until someone invents a measuring device with no mass, which might take a week or two. For your second question, I'll refer you to what happened at Chernobyl, when the USSR's government dark experiments went awry. Nuclear reactors are just a cover-up for government sponsored Dark experiments. it's no coincidence that a large portion of your governments budget goes for "Black" programs. They don't call them "Black" for nothing....nosiree, they are performing experiments with massive amounts of dark, and one cannot be sure what will happen when "Superdark" masses, and intense light are combined. Many little Ukrainian children will be able to show you the effects of a dark explosion. Q: If dark is heavier than light, wouldn't it be better to place the Dark Sucker on the floor where it would suck more efficiently? A: You'd think that'd be the logical thing to do. Unfortunately, some things are the exact opposite of what we think would be true. Take for example Ag tires not wrecking the lawn as much as turf tires. Another one would be putting a dark sucker on the floor. You see, if you put a dark sucker too close to the floor, it will have a tendency to suck dark at an ever increasing rate, eventually approaching "darkal runaway". This would be very dangerous, as explained earlier. This is why dark suckers designed to go close to the floor are special dark suckers made to regulate the amount of dark they suck. Take "night-lights", for example. They have a special bulb that is coated internally with a dark-limiter that prevents them from approaching darkal runaway. The few apparent exceptions, like halogen "work-lights", and "trouble lights" actually employ sophisticated systems of dark limiters to prevent the dreaded darkal runaway. The halogen dark-suckers usually have a special thick glass coated with a darkal limiter, and trouble dark-suckers use a special sucker, covertly marketed as "rough-service". A good way to visualize this is one of two ways: 1. Tanning beds. A tan is really just a layer of dark that was deposited by passing dark either on its way to the dark suckers in the tanning beds, or on its way to the sun (the bigggest dark-sucker of all). 2. A toaster. You'll notice that your toast is usually a bit darker along the top part after you take it out of the toaster. This is because the "toasty part" is really just a layer of dark deposited by the passing dark particles on their way to the glowing wires. Light bulbs are actually an Anti-photon compressor, as they suck in the dark matter out of the Anti-photon cell collecting around and outside the light bulbs area in space, they compress the Anti-photon cell walls to a point so small that there is no more room for dark matter inside the cell, thus there is only left varying degrees of visible photons, but if this compression action is blocked by a solid object or a clear object with an Anti-photon compression filter coating applied to it, the Anti-photons are allowed to expand back depending on the level of compression blockage and dark matter is allowed to re-enter into the void left by the expanding empty Anti-photon cell walls in direct relation to the decompression of the Anti-photon cell effectively reducing or blocking totally any visible photon activity.

 

[dieselsmoke1]

Geez! That was absolutely facinating!!! Learned all kinds of new things.

I read every word.....makes me wonder if I need a new hobby!

Reminds me of a reference by the late Southern Statesman Lewis Grizzard in reference to his mother's iced tea. Said she brewed it so dark that "when she put a pitcher on the table it would suck all the light right out of the room".

In technical terms, would this be a "light sucker"? /forums/images/graemlins/wink.gif

 

[Junkman]

Could you please read the whole thing and give me a 100 word synopsis of this.. I don't have time to read all this and the rest of the board also...... /forums/images/graemlins/shocked.gif

 

[YanmarFever]

Did you get this from ART BELLS show,
Or are you smoking something green ? /forums/images/graemlins/blush.gif

 

[1bush2hog]

Guess that makes my cold beer a heat sucker!

 

[PineRidge]

I got dizzy just trying to read it. Needs to be broken down into manageable paragraphs. Anybody else need a Tylenol? /forums/images/graemlins/crazy.gif

 

[TresCrows]

"I got dizzy just trying to read it. Needs to be broken down into manageable paragraphs. Anybody else need a Tylenol?"

I need several, I gave up reading it /forums/images/graemlins/crazy.gif. It is beyond my capability. My reading capabilities are rather extraodinary by any measure but that defeated my best attempts /forums/images/graemlins/shocked.gif. I have been humbled /forums/images/graemlins/frown.gif. Not even my worst students ever approached that level stinkyosity, not even the ones who are now in jail /forums/images/graemlins/smirk.gif. J