Anyone hire a caregiver for elderly parent?

[gsganzer]

Has anyone directly contracted an individual to act as a caregiver for an elderly parent?

We've been using a local agency for the past few years, but we've had somewhat spotty quality of caregivers and service. We've found someone that comes highly recommended that's been a caregiver for others in the past and we'd like to start using her. Other than the acquaintances that have used her for years and recommended her, I don't know much else. I'm just planning to have her submit an invoice each week and pay her with a check.

Has anyone else been down this path? Send me a PM if you'd rather it not be discussed openly.

 

[downsizingnow48]

It is an important topic. We went through the options a couple years back. Decided that an assisted living home was the best option for my 97 year old father in law who needed 24/7 support.

 

[RNeumann]

Our family has been through this a few times- both with family members and as the trustee. The worst ended with a criminal conviction for theft- we were trustees. It was one of the first cases in our state that was taken on and won where the individual worked themselves onto the bank accounts and took money. Hard to prove the elderly person wasn't able to make decisions for themselves when they signed everything over which is why it was a great victory!
Another lady we hired for a family member fell asleep driving home from her night job and died.
Anyway enough of my drama-
Without the company serving as the umbrella you won't have the insurance and other protections a typical company would provide. If you are paying them directly, you should 1099 them as an independent contractor for tax reasons. If they are injured while caring for your loved one I don't believe your homeowners would cover that-check! This is more common than you think as lifting humans or catching a fall is hard to do and can lead to injury. Are they licensed? Do they understand the medications and the paperwork/family wishes- DNR, living will etc. Do they know basic first aid?
Bottom line is hiring someone who just wants some "under the table" money shifts a lot of liability back on you and the loved one. With that, hopefully the individual has training and insurance.
Obviously the "fit" with you and your loved one is key. If you like them and your loved one likes them I'd say hire them. As you are finding out it's tough to find good help! If you want basic protection from my above concerns have yourself and the individual work through an employment agency. They will provide the needed liability and work comp insurance and cover you and the employee for tax purposes. My wife does this for all of her employees (unrelated business)- it costs her a few bucks extra but avoids so much hassle she has found it to be worth it.

 

[downsizingnow48]

Rneumann has listed the main reasons we decided on an institution vs individual option.

 

[fishheadbob]

Word of mouth reviews tend to bring better quality of care than agencies. My mother suffered a head injury, was on shaky ground, and couldn't live alone 24/7. We heard of an available lady living nearby who was an R.N. who had retired and did part-time caregiving in select cases. She interviewed us instead of the other way around. She came in 2 or 3 days a week for a few hours , got my mother into the shower, laid out a few days of clothing, sometimes took her to lunch, and would bring her mother with her. Her mother was of similar age, condition, and background as mine so the two old ladies hit it off pretty well.
My mother's long time cleaning lady had also worked for a time as a home health aide, got along with mom. Pretty soon the house was getting "cleaned" twice a week on days the R.N. wasn't coming even if some of the cleaning included several hands of gin rummy or a trip to the supermarket.
My brother, myself, and those few family members still living in the area had an informal drop-in schedule. My high school aged daughter was probably the most frequent visitor maybe 3 or 4 days a week for a few minutes but it made the old lady's day. She completely took over my car to do this which was part of the price. We had dinner and lunches out on an informal schedule similar to what she did before the injury. Most of her old friends dropped off as my mother's mental status had been hit hard by the head injury. This whole arrangement was work for all family members involved.
This arrangement continued for 2 or 3 years until my mother's condition deteriorated to where skilled nursing was inevitable.
This staying at home business was a costly arrangement. There are no government programs that consider this unless you meet a ridiculous amount of conditions for a smattering of people under some demonstration program or another, most of which go away after results don't support the idea. We were fortunate enough to have the assets to pay for this out of our own pockets. The monthly cost was a lot less than an institution, my mother was a lot happier in familiar surroundings, and I consider us lucky to have pulled this off.

 

[2LaneCruzer]

Our family has been through this a few times- both with family members and as the trustee. The worst ended with a criminal conviction for theft- we were trustees. It was one of the first cases in our state that was taken on and won where the individual worked themselves onto the bank accounts and took money. Hard to prove the elderly person wasn't able to make decisions for themselves when they signed everything over which is why it was a great victory!
Another lady we hired for a family member fell asleep driving home from her night job and died.
Anyway enough of my drama-
Without the company serving as the umbrella you won't have the insurance and other protections a typical company would provide. If you are paying them directly, you should 1099 them as an independent contractor for tax reasons. If they are injured while caring for your loved one I don't believe your homeowners would cover that-check! This is more common than you think as lifting humans or catching a fall is hard to do and can lead to injury. Are they licensed? Do they understand the medications and the paperwork/family wishes- DNR, living will etc. Do they know basic first aid?
Bottom line is hiring someone who just wants some "under the table" money shifts a lot of liability back on you and the loved one. With that, hopefully the individual has training and insurance.
Obviously the "fit" with you and your loved one is key. If you like them and your loved one likes them I'd say hire them. As you are finding out it's tough to find good help! If you want basic protection from my above concerns have yourself and the individual work through an employment agency. They will provide the needed liability and work comp insurance and cover you and the employee for tax purposes. My wife does this for all of her employees (unrelated business)- it costs her a few bucks extra but avoids so much hassle she has found it to be worth it.

Excellent advice. I might add that during my tenure with the Health Department, which regulated assisted care/nursing homes, SNF's and group homes, I learned that in this state at least, if a patient needs help with their medication, the care giver must have specialized training to dispense medication. You might want to check this out.

 

[Industrial Toys]

I am wrestling with this over my 80 year old Mother. I have heard horror stories from Elderly customers about being robbed by care givers. Face it. We live in a world where many only think of themselves. And having a job where you may have to wipe someone elses behind is not usually a first choice but often the only employment available. For whatever reason, many of these caregivers are also on drugs, from what I have heard.

My Mom wants to stay at home.

 

[2LaneCruzer]

Funny you should mention this. I have heard similar stories, and in most cases it is a family member, like a Niece, Nephew, or Grandchild...and there were indeed drugs involved. What's more, the thefts are so blatant and obvious and the perp seems to care less.

 

[Sawyer Rob]

All I can tell you is, Dad and me took care of mom until she passed and then my brother and me took care of dad until he passed!

When I was a baby THEY took care of me so why wouldn't "I" take care of them when they needed PROPER care the most??

I bought my house/property from my parents and always told them they could live here as long as they wanted and that's exactly what happened, NO being put in a home for them!

I don't even understand family not taking care of family!! And yeaaa, it's a lot of work and takes up a lot of your time and yeaaa, I know folks have a thousand excuses why THEY can't do it!!

Key word "excuses"!!

SR

 

[downsizingnow48]

When my wife's parents got into their late 80's we moved from Virginia to Sacramento so we could be close by and support them in their home. Her mom passed shortly after. Her dad was OK at their home for quite a while until he fell and broke a leg. The recovery was long difficult and incomplete. By the time he was mobile again it was clear to everyone in the family that living on his own was too dangerous. That is when we went through the calculations laid out by RNeumann and considered issues such as those raised by Industrial Toys and 2Lane. The bottom line is, there are too many unknowns and risks with individual caregivers. So we researched several dozen assisted living facilities and found a respected one 5 minutes from our house. The old fellow is now 97 and either my wife or I check in with him just about every day and take him shopping, to lunch and dinner, etc. There are so many considerations involved I would hesitate to offer any advice, but am laying out our circumstances so that some of the tradeoffs and issues and options can be seen. On the question of cost, none of the available options are inexpensive. I did a spreadsheet comparing about 5 different support/care options taking into account all costs and the strengths/weaknesses of each. The assisted living facility was clearly the best option, a conclusion that the family reached after lengthy consideration.