Details

[scruffy]

Just a lite-side bit of humor....

Details... details...

In a terrible accident at a railroad crossing, a train smashed into a
car and pushed it nearly four hundred yards down the track. Though no
one was killed, the driver took the train company to court.

At the trial, the engineer insisted that he had given the driver ample
warning by waving his lantern back and forth for nearly a minute. He
even stood and convincingly demonstrated how he'd done it. The court
believed his story, and the suit was dismissed.

"Congratulations," the lawyer said to the engineer when it was over.
"You did superbly under cross-examination."

"Thanks," he said, "but he sure had me worried."

"How's that?" the lawyer asked.

"I was sure afraid he was going to ask if that durn lantern was lit!"

 

[TWINKLE_TOES]

Scruffy,

A smile a day keeps........./w3tcompact/icons/smile.gif

A young school girl was listening intently as the teacher was explaining all about whales. When the teacher stated that it would be impossible for a whale to swallow a human, although they have gigantic mouths their throat is really quite small.
The young girl raised her hand and said "but teacher Jonah was swallowed by a whale"
The teacher replied "that would be impossible".
The young girl responded "When I get to heaven I will ask him". To that, the teacher asked "how do you know Jonah went to heaven?"

The girl replied "OK then you ask him"

Al

 

[scruffy]

With this one, I must apologize to our favorite Docs and Lawyer members out there!
Please accept it in the humorous manner it is intended...after all, one of my hair brained cousins sent it to me!

Number of physicians in the US: 700,000.
Accidental deaths caused by physicians per year: 120,000.
Accidental deaths per physician.... 0.171
(U.S. Dept. of Health & Human Services)

Number of gun owners in the US: 80,000,000.
Number of accidental gun deaths per year (all age groups) 1,500.
Accidental deaths per gun owner.... 0.0000188

Statistically, doctors are approximately 9,000 times
more dangerous than gun owners.

Not everyone has a gun, but nearly all have at least one Doctor.

Please alert your friends to this alarming threat.
We must ban doctors before this gets out of hand!

As a Public Health Measure, statistics on lawyers have been withheld
for fear that the shock could cause people to seek medical aid.

 

[Bird]

Scruffy, it's usually entertaining, if not downright silly, when anyone tries to prove anything with statistics. Unfortunately, I'm afraid a lot of what the medical profession tells us in all seriousness is just about as accurate as your message./w3tcompact/icons/laugh.gif

Bird

 

[TWINKLE_TOES]

Scruffy/Bird,

The following is from Mark Twain /w3tcompact/icons/smile.gif

"In the space of one hundred and seventy six years the lower Mississippi has shortened itself two hundred and forty-two miles. That is an average of a trifle over one mile and a third per year. Therfore, any calm person who is not blind or idiotic, can see that in the Old Oolitic Silurian Period, just a million years ago next November, the Lower Missippi River was upward of one million three hundred thousand miles long, and stuck out over the Gulf of Mexico like a fishing rod. And by the same token any person can see that seven hundred and forty two years from now the lower Mississippi will be only a mile and three quarters long, and Cairo and New Orleans will have joined their streets together, and be plodding comfortably along under a single mayor and a mutual board of aldermen. There is something facinating about science. one gets such wholesale returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact."

I guess Sam didn't have a lot of use for Statisticians.

Al

 

[Harv]

Interesting, Al -

If you had left the author's name off of that one, I would have guessed either GlennMac or MChalkley. /w3tcompact/icons/laugh.gif

 

[scruffy]

Bird, ya beat me to the punch, tonight I was going to add that a person can 'prove' anything they want with statistics, but IMO, doesn't mean squat. Statistically, milk causes cancer, why? 100% of the people who contract cancer drank milk at some point in their lives. Yeah, sure.
Hope y'all didn't think I was serious with that joke! I gave up on statistcal analysis way back in college days. It came across as a bunch of bull then, and still strikes me as the same today.
<P ID="edit"><FONT SIZE=-1>Edited by scruffy on 07/18/01 01:56 AM (server time).</FONT></P>

 

[Bird]

Many years ago in one of my college classes, I had a book entitled How To Lie With Statistics but can't remember who wrote it.

Bird

 

[RJohnson]

Nothing is funnier than real life, enjoy/w3tcompact/icons/smile.gif!

1. WILL THE REAL IDIOT PLEASE STAND UP?
AT&T FIRED President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package.
Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.

2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS:
Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them in the police line,
shouting "Please come out and give yourself up."

3. WHAT WAS PLAN B???
An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines, wherein the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.

4. THE GETAWAY!
A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop, and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and
grabbed him.

5. DID I SAY THAT???
Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words, "Give me all your money or I'll shoot," the man shouted, "That's not what I said!"

6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING??
A man spoke frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" the doctor asked. "No!", the man shouted, "This is her husband!".

7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED!!
In Modesto, California, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun, but unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his
pocket. (hellllllooooooo!)

8. THE GRAND FINALE
Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, California, some folks, new to boating, were having a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their brand new 22 ft.
Bayliner to perform. It wouldn't get on a plane at all, and it was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power was applied.
After about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted to a nearby marina, thinking someone there could tell them what was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working condition. The engine ran fine, the outdrive went up and down, the prop was the correct size and pitch.
So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath. He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard.

NOW REMEMBER THIS IS TRUE....
Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer.

Have a great day,
Randy

 

[Charlie_Iliff]

I think the author of "How to Lie With Statistics" was Darrell Huff.

Charlie Iliff