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  1. #1

    Default Oil Change Techniques (funny) :)

    Oil Change instructions for Women:

    1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles
    since the
    last oil change.

    2) Drink a cup of coffee.

    3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly
    maintained
    vehicle.

    Money spent:

    Oil Change $20.00

    Coffee $1.00

    Total $21.00

    ================================================== ==========


    Oil Change instructions for Men:

    1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case
    of oil,
    filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a
    check for
    $50.00.

    2) Stop by 7 - 11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20,
    drive
    home.

    3) Open a beer and drink it.

    4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.

    5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.

    6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.

    7) Place drain pan under engine.

    8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.

    9) Give up and use crescent wrench.

    10) Unscrew drain plug.

    11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in
    process. Cuss.

    12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and
    arms.
    Throw
    kitty litter on spilled oil.

    13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.

    14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.

    15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil
    filter
    and twist off.

    16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing
    oil
    everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash
    in trash
    can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.

    17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Decide to
    finish oil
    change tomorrow so you can go see his new garage door opener.

    18) Sunday: Skip church because "I gotta finish the oil change."
    Drag
    pan
    full of old oil out from underneath car. Cleverly dump oil in
    hole in
    back
    yard instead of taking it back to Kragen to recycle.

    19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.

    20) Beer? No, drank it all yesterday.

    21) Walk to 7-11; buy beer.

    22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of
    oil to
    gasket surface.

    23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.

    24) Remember drain plug from step 11.

    25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.

    26) Remember that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back
    yard,
    along
    with drain plug.

    27) Drink beer.

    28) Shovel out hole and sift oily mud for drain plug. Re-shovel
    oily
    dirt
    into hole. Steal sand from kids sandbox to cleverly cover oily
    patch of
    ground and avoid environmental penalties. Wash drain plug in
    lawnmower
    gas.

    29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor.
    Throw
    kitty litter on oil spill.

    30) Drink beer.

    31) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes
    with oily
    rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench
    tightening
    drain plug and bang knuckles on frame.

    32) Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31.

    33) Begin cussing fit.

    34) Throw stupid crescent wrench.

    35) Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit bowling
    trophy.

    36) Beer.

    37) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop
    blood
    flow.

    38) Beer.

    39) Beer.

    40) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.

    41) Beer.

    42) Lower car from jack stands.

    43) Accidentally crush remaining case of new motor oil.

    44) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled
    during
    steps 23 - 43.

    45) Beer.

    46) Test drive car.

    47) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.

    48) Car gets impounded.

    49) Call loving wife, make bail.

    50) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.

    Money spent:

    Parts $50.00

    DUI $2500.00

    Impound fee $75.00

    Bail $1500.00

    Beer $40.00

    Total - - $4,165.00

    But, hey, you know the job was done right! [img]/forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img] [img]/forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img] [img]/forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]




  2. #2

    Join Date
    Aug 2002
    Posts
    7,386
    Location
    North East CT
    Tractor
    2003 Kubota BX-22

    Default Re: Oil Change Techniques (funny) :)

    According to scopes.com this method has been around since 1978. [img]/forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img] [img]/forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img] [img]/forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

  3. #3

    Default Re: Oil Change Techniques (funny) :)

    ..ok....it still is funnny everytime I read it. [img]/forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img] [img]/forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img] I know my wifed died over it.

    I crank up....

  4. #4
    Veteran Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Posts
    1,368
    Location
    N.E. KY
    Tractor
    Century 3035

    Default Re: Oil Change Techniques (funny) :)

    And this doesn't even cover filling all the grease fittings.

    BTW: Do the Qick Change places grease everything while there under there?

  5. #5

    Join Date
    Aug 2002
    Posts
    7,386
    Location
    North East CT
    Tractor
    2003 Kubota BX-22

    Default Re: Oil Change Techniques (funny) :)

    </font><font color="blue" class="small">( ..ok....it still is funnny everytime I read it. [img]/forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img] [img]/forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img] I know my wifed died over it.

    I crank up.... )</font>

    Did she die laughing with you or at you???? [img]/forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img] [img]/forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img] [img]/forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

  6. #6
    Elite Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2003
    Posts
    3,373
    Location
    Goffs Corner, KY
    Tractor
    IH 2444

    Default Re: Oil Change Techniques (funny) :)

    You left out the part about ordering the $8.50/qt special oil and having to wait to get it, so that a lot more beer would be required.
    Ben

  7. #7
    Veteran Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2004
    Posts
    2,315

    Default Re: Oil Change Techniques (funny) :)

    Another couple cases can be downed if you incorporated the thing in this thread.

  8. #8

    Join Date
    Aug 2002
    Posts
    7,386
    Location
    North East CT
    Tractor
    2003 Kubota BX-22

    Default Re: Oil Change Techniques (funny) :)

    I believe that this thread has been subjected to cross thread contamination. We need to send the original poster out for analysis to determine for sure when the proper time to change threads will be. [img]/forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img] [img]/forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img] [img]/forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img] [img]/forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

  9. #9
    Elite Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2003
    Posts
    3,373
    Location
    Goffs Corner, KY
    Tractor
    IH 2444

    Default Re: Oil Change Techniques (funny) :)

    Good one Junk [img]/forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

  10. #10
    Veteran Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2004
    Posts
    2,315

    Default Re: Oil Change Techniques (funny) :)

    Junk,

    Would that correct the problem I'm having? I'm in an infinite loop between these 2 threads now and just can't get out. I've been reading the same things for the last 1/2 hour. [img]/forums/images/graemlins/shocked.gif[/img] [img]/forums/images/graemlins/confused.gif[/img] HELP!!!

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