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  1. #1

    Join Date
    Jul 2001
    Posts
    1,807
    Location
    Sharpsburg, Md
    Tractor
    John Deere 4100 HST

    Default Ten puns +....

    I received these from my sister-in-law. Enjoy at your own risk....[img]/w3tcompact/icons/wink.gif[/img][img]/w3tcompact/icons/laugh.gif[/img]

    Puns are the lowest form of humor.

    Anyone who uses one should be drawn and QUOTED--No pun intended!


    1. Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons.

    The stewardess looks at them and says, "I'm sorry gentlemen, only one carrion per passenger."


    2. Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina.

    One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The second stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much.

    The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.


    3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly.

    But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.


    4. A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West.

    He slides up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw!"


    5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal?

    He wanted to transcend dental medication.


    6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent trournament victories.

    After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.

    "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

    "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."


    7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption.

    One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named Ahmal. The other goes to a family in Spain and they name him Juan.

    Years later Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother.

    Upon receiving the picture she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal.

    Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."


    8. Three friars were behind on their belfry payments so they opened up a florist shop to raise funds.

    Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not.

    He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him.

    So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close.

    Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop.

    Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that Hugh and only Hugh can prevent florist friars.


    9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of callouses on his feet.

    He also ate very little which made him rather frail. And with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.

    This made him. . .what? (Oh man, this is so bad it's good!)

    A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.


    10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh.

    Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.


    To add to your reading misery.....

    What do you call a dwarf soothsayer who recently escaped from prison?

    A small medium at large.

    Terry

  2. #2
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2001
    Posts
    126
    Location
    Southern Maryland
    Tractor
    Kubota L3010DT

    Default Re: Ten puns +....

    Just put down the pun and step away from the computer. [img]/w3tcompact/icons/laugh.gif[/img]

  3. #3
    Veteran Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2000
    Posts
    1,591
    Location
    Western Connecticut
    Tractor
    2003 Kubota L3430

    Default Re: Ten puns +....

    Hahahaha. I laughed out loud. That almost never happens to me on the net. Brilliant paronomasia.

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