Condlences

[coachgrd]

We've got some wise owls here, as evidenced by the recent "If you knew then what you know now" thread. I've got another. This tradegy in Blacksburg and ones like always get me thinking about visits to funeral homes. I think it's safe to say that it's makes many uncomfortable. Myself, I guess I just never know what to say that could possibly provide any comfort to a greiving parent, friend, etc.

What do YOU say in circumstances like this? Have any of you been in situations like this and someone said something to you that you thought was especially thoughtful?

I know, it's fairly morbid topic but I love tapping into your life experiences.

 

[thcri]

I really have a hard time at funerals and wakes etc. There is nothing anyone can say to make a person feel better in my opinion. I go but don't like staying very long.

murph

 

[DocHeb]

As the deliverer of bad news on too many occasions, if at all possible I always try to lessen the guilt that many people have - "would he have lived if I called earlier?" etc. I tell people that they made the best decision they could at the time, and don't let anyone make them feel bad about it.

When I have to go to funerals/wakes I always think of something about the person that made me smile, or something outstanding that impressed me. I then tell the family I'm really sorry he's gone, and describe that thing to the family. "Every time that I think of him I'll remember that time he made me laugh by ....."

 

[Kendall69]

I'll tell you what NOT to do - laugh so hard you can't stand up and tears come rolling our of your eyes.

I went to the funeral of my best friends Dad, and we were in our 20's, not young punks, and for some strange reason we both started laughing uncontrollably, and it was his Dad.

The only thing we could figure is it was a coping mechanism that kicked in. Only happened that one time, and we never knew why, nothing was funny??

 

[Jagmandave]

I know what you mean..............

I was at the service for my mom, and there was a lovely picture of her on an easel. Unfortunately, the grey background she was sitting in front of kinda matched her grey and black hair, and I overheard my brother remark that it looked like her hair was smoldering..............I had to leave the room, and to this day when I see that picture, I burst out laughing..................

My mom was a happy, friendly person, and I know she would have laughed too, which makes it OK, I guess...............

 

[BTDT]

Just being there is usually enough. The family will remember.

This link is the words to the poem that is on the glass
http://www.tractorbynet.com/forums/...s-notices/97521-madreferee-tbn-member-12.html

I had an idea that I kicked around for awhile, and finally got around to making one. Made the first of my dad (died in 76), changed it up a little, and this was the finished product. I have made and give out several of these to deceased service mens families. They hold a 5x7 pic, have their name, birthdate/date died on the tag, and laser engraved onto the base is the branch of the service they were in.

 

[BTDT]

Then, I made one for my wife of her grandad. Her favorite pic of him was this one standing between his plow horses. I added farm type stuff (found in craft/doll furniture section) of walmart, etc. Pic 6 & 7. Then one for her grandmother, pic 9.(her tag is missing )

Sorry, pic 9 is of my mother, pic 8 is her grandmother

 

[MikePA]

What do YOU say in circumstances like this? Have any of you been in situations like this and someone said something to you that you thought was especially thoughtful?

I tell them I am sorry to hear of their loss. Ask if there's anything I can do to help them. Let them know I am praying for them and give them the book "A Grief Observed" by C S Lewis.

 

[BTDT]

Then, I made one for my wife of her grandad. Her favorite pic of him was this one standing between his plow horses. I added farm type stuff (found in craft/doll furniture section) of walmart, etc. Pic 6 & 7. Then one for her grandmother, pic 9.(her tag is missing )

Sorry, pic 9 is of my mother, pic 8 is her grandmother

Over the last 10 years I have probably made and give away a hundred of these. Some to friends that had children that died of cancer, some to folks that I read about in the paper, neighbors, etc. Some of the cards I received in return are priceless. As MikePa said, offer to help, take food, etc.

 

[thcri]

BTDT,

That is a good idea. I have never seen that before. I will have to remember that in the future.

murph