Mother in law myth

[ultrarunner]

Yep... it is a sinking feeling when you become the bad one...

Starting to happen a little now and it really gets to me.

 

[Semper Paratus]

After my Mom Passed in 2014 my Dad's tenuous anchor to reality slopped away. It got to the point when you went in to see him you just greeted him as Thomp or Hal and waited to see who he thought you were. I learned to respond in character to whoever he thought I was at the time. To not do so caused a lot of anxiety, confusion and anger. It was surreal to be talking with him about me 10 or twenty years earlier and get his unvarnished take on things. Sometimes I was his Brother in law, sometimes I was his dad, his brother or one of his friends from work. I was occasionally even me. We were fortunate that he had dislocated his hip in the spring of 14 and was barely ambulatory so we were able to keep him in his home with 24 hour care. He lived almost 5 months after Mom, his wife of 61 years, passed. He died peacefully in his bed surrounded by folks that loved him.

 

[Travelover]

Above post reminds me of a close relative that outlived her husband. She'd continually ask where he was and initially we'd explain that he had died and she'd break into tears as if hearing it for the first time. A pretty sad thing to go through constantly for all concerned. Eventually we just lied and said he was away and coming back soon. She was OK with that.

 

[Guidshir]

My grandpa died of Alzheimers a few years ago and it was heartbreaking to see him forget everyone. He was paranoid, he would walk or drive and forget who and where he was. He was in good enough shape to break out of the first home so my grandmother had to put him in another one with higher security and a LOT more money. In the end death was a relief.

It's a horrible disease and speaking personally I'd rather trip and fall in the woods and die while still sane then to be that kind of burden on my family.

 

[bunyip]

My father was falling over and couldn't get up, was found in his garage between the car and the wall and was thought he was there for uo to three days in summer.
Then he refused home help and was eating chocolate bars and packet instant cup of soup, taken to hospital three times then I had to travel 1200km to find a nursing home, had a stroke on his 3rd day in there and died a week later.
His llate wifes family did nothing except to try and engineer his finances to their advantage, it wound up costing them when he died quickly and they were not happy.
We were left to clean out his home at the retirement home and they would not help so we did it and I claimed loss of earnings at $450 an hour as they didn't want to pay a contractor, they formally objected but it was overturned when I presented evidence of income and their correspondence indicating they would not do it.
His late wife who dismissed us told her family I worked in a factory for a meagre income and I was happy to see that blow up in their faces.

 

[k0ua]

It's a horrible disease and speaking personally I'd rather trip and fall in the woods and die while still sane then to be that kind of burden on my family.

+1. Having seen this disease first hand with a family member with this disease running its course from onset to death, I would not wish this disease on my worst enemy.

 

[ultrarunner]

These threads show different prospectives similar to what James shared with me previously...

It was over 20 years ago when the Doc said Mom's memory was slipping but the last 5 years is when it started to impact daily living and the last year getting more so yet I am very lucky that she is generally a very happy person so this is a blessing... don't think I could deal with being the bad guy over and over again.

Her top concerns are Church, Meals and one brother and the wife of the other brother... she asks about them everyday... one calls most days on the drive home from work which always perks her up and she is READY at anytime and any day to go to the Christmas Tree farm as it reminds her of the time when she was growing up... the tractors, cows, chickens, horses... etc... and she would always find something to do...

My Sister In Law of the other brother is also good about making time to pick her up for a few hours when she can... sometimes just to pick up the kids from school or grab a bite to eat out... which Mom really enjoys... she was cancer stricken in her early 30's with a new born and two toddlers... Mom was there night and day pitching in and it is something my Sister In Law never forgot going through the radiation, surgery, chemo, etc...

Often people will not realize there is anything off with Mom... especially in a first casual meeting...

I do think about the future... I had long ago planned to move but had to give up on that for now... at least the places are rented.

Mom is most comfortable sleeping in her own bed each night... she loves to share produce from her garden... only fruit trees now... but some days she will go to the same neighbors 4 or 5 times with fruit not knowing she had been there many times earlier...

I had locked the mail slot so main would not get lost... never had a late or missed payment in my life... the last 6 months I can no longer say this... as Mom will wait for the letter carrier and go through all of it and where it ends up is anyone's guess... the local Post Office is a Plexiglass fortress with a wait list... so a PO Box isn't an option... I have learned to know when bills are due and for some like Utilities... I make payments to cover several months ahead... can't get in trouble when you have a credit showing.

As long as she can sleep through the night so I can sleep through the night we can make it work... it is getting up several times each night that makes it hard to go to work with no sleep...

 

[bunyip]

My late MIL went the same way but that was many years ago, strange old bird, used to speak highly of her step son but told everyone what a loser me and my BIL were, even at our wedding she told my parents her daughter could have done better.
When she died she left everything to her two daughters, myself and my BIL and nothing to the golden boy stepson and stated in the will that she didn't because he was just after her money whereas we did everything for her and he did nothing.
Was all true and we were all amazed as we had never seen her will.