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How to mess up your children

Grocery run

It was designed for black powder, do not use modern powders. Is there a group of civil war re-enactors that can look at it and give better advice? Don't know what happens to powder trapped in barrel for decades, can draw moisture thru touch hole. One of the problems with black powder is...

Police officer pulled this guy over for speeding and told him that his eyes were bloodshot, and asked him if he'd been drinking. The guy said "Your eyes are glazed, have you been eating donuts?"

Using simular pellet stove. Consider this, it's micro-processor controlled. A 1300VA or 1500VA UPS power supply for a computer $200 or less. Will run stove about 10 min. It will beep when power goes out, has a display to let you know power consumption. Our stove, when running uses 5A, more if...

skid heavy logs up muddy, fairly steep hills. $$$ a skidding winch $$ a log arch - has wheels & lifts front of log $ ladder, chain and snatch block. Use ladder & chain to mount snatch block high in tree at crest of hill, pulls log above the ground, reattach rope or chain to log & 3pt to pull...

A 92 year-old man went to the Doctor to get a physical. A few days later the Dr. saw the man walking down the street with a gorgeous young lady on his arm. A couple of days later the Dr. talked to the man and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?" The man replied, "Just doing what you...

One Sunday morning the pastor noticed little Johnny was standing staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church. The young man of seven had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up and stood beside him and gazing up at the plaque he said quietly...

Road service vehicles have a remote plug in connection for their jumper cables. Inspiration for my power mod https://www.tractorbynet.com/forums/threads/adding-electrical-devices-to-tractor.425790/

Looks like the dump box is wedged under the I-beam like a support pillar

Then the fight started

Indoor privy

My Titan box was not QH compatible. The top link needed to be lowered and moved forward. I drilled holes in a QH adapter bracket (for brush mower) and used it to relocate top link pin A parking stand prevents knocking it over when reconnecting

Tractor forum claims vacuuming leaves is easier than raking -- I think it's BS

If you use DEF fluid you may want to watch this https://banned.video/watch?id=61b256ec859af811ce9db20c

Makes tattoos look less painful

Tis the season for missile toad

I hate it when someone steals my username

****** sent his son shopping to get some food. His son came back with the food on his head. So ****** says "Why have you got the shopping on your head?" The son replies, "Because there is no Baghdad!"

Only 2k actually --- here's my 8k version The things you do when you never learned to weld

This works for flatbed / equipment trailers

Picked up new water line

Hydraulic or machine shop maybe able to rebuild them

After buying/building your ballast box, a wooden stand keeps it from dumping over when you back into it

Movin the farm

An old man was sitting on a bench in the mall when a young man with spiked hair came over and sat down beside him. The boy's hair was bright yellow and green with orange tips, and he had blue makeup around his eyes. The old man kept looking at him. The boy said, "What's the matter, old man...

A woman was trying hard to get the catsup to come out of the bottle. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her four-year-old daughter to answer the phone. "It's the minister, Mommy" the child said to her mother. Then she added, "Mommy can't come to the phone right now. She's hitting...

This is what I'm using for well power https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000K2CV00/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_asin_title_o01_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

Daddy's worst prom date nightmare (from Police Academy) Next worst

Recalculating

I think it's going to rain soon

It's OK I got the rental insurance

Toad Suck, Arkansas has a festival every year not sure what they do for festivities

Job interview tip: When HR asks if you can multi-task, show them this picture and say "Sure can".

Never knew the garage had long term parking

What do a hurricane, a tornado, a fire and a divorce have in common? They are four ways you can lose your house!

Heard Australia has something called land trains

Wonder if tree hugger still thinks trees rock

When you get older, it's harder to remember the combination

Cut down about 100 dead trees. The limbs shattered upon impact. The landscape rake tines have a gap between 1/2" and 3/4", they flex and allow brush to wedge between the tines. Lifting rake lifts about 1/2 of the brush and require manually clearing the tines. If you remove every other time the...

New toy

Gravel run

Black Friday Special

Q: What do you call a beer that makes you laugh? A: A Brew Ha Ha

Black Friday Urban Camouflage

Why can't you patch it? You patched the last one.

Yes, all plastics will dry out and become brittle over time, auto parts, buckets, ect

remove it, an auto parts store can sell you all the needed parts

OK, now they're just messing with me.

Doctor said I should get out and ride my bike more

just seems wrong

no wide load sign or pilot cars

Due to a shoulder injury I can no longer pull start a chainsaw. I purchased a Stihl MSA 160C when it fist came out. 12" bar and have used it on up to 15" trees (not smartest thing to due). 1 of 3 woodpiles I also needed a larger light weight saw, ordered the MSA 220C-B, 18" bar in April - still...

Are Texans armed to protect their boots from thieves or hecklers?

New style mountain bike with flat free tires

Movin' in style

Looks like shotgun season has started

Always thought a spare key was a good idea - rethinking that

It's called wildlife for a reason

Must be Boston

Tennis is more interesting in Canada

Amish hitchhiker

Some people have trouble with English translations

Sitting on the edge of the highway waiting to catch speeders, a state police officer saw a car driving along at 22 M.P.H. He thinks to himself, that car is just as dangerous as a speeder. So, he turns his lights on and pulls the car over. Approaching the car, he notices there are 5 old ladies...

A wife comes home late one night and quietly opens the door to her bedroom. From under the blanket, she sees four legs instead of just her husband's two. She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can. Once she's done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink...

The fix for economy QH's https://qualityfarmsupply.com/products/top-hook-for-cat-1-quick-hitch?_pos=1&_sid=16009dde7&_ss=r

One day while doing door-to-door market research, this guy knocks on a door and is greeted by a beautiful young housewife. "Hello," he starts, "I'm doing some research for a petroleum jelly manufacturer. Have you ever used the product?" "Yes. My husband and I use it during sex," she answers. The...

It's strange to think 75 years ago everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars. Today everyone has a car and only the rich own horses.

jump ahead to 7:25

Looks like she had friends in high places

An angry wife to her husband on phone: "Where the hell are you?" Husband: "Darling, you remember that jewelery shop where you saw the diamond necklace and totally fell in love with it, and I didn't have money that time, and I said 'Baby it'll be yours one day'?" Wife, with a smile and blushing...

Looks like a good neighborhood to live in.

A little girl asked her father, "Daddy? Do all Fairy Tales begin with Once Upon A Time?" He replied, "No, there is a whole series of Fairy Tales that begin with 'If Elected I promise...'"

One day St. Peter saw a street gang walking up to the Pearly Gates. St. Peter ran to God and said, "God, there are some low-life street gang members at the Gates. What do I do?" God relied, "Just do what you normally do with that type. Redirect them." St. Peter went back to carry out the order...

A rather awkward freshman finally got up the nerve to ask a pretty junior for a dance at the homecoming. She gave him the once-over and said, "Sorry, I won't dance with a child." "Please forgive me," responded the underclassman. "I didn't realize you were pregnant."

Leave hood open https://www.grandpagus.com/products/mouse-repellent-1#:~:text=Grandpa%20Gus%E2%80%99s%20use%207%25%20Peppermint%20and%20Cinnamon%20to,irritating%20to%20mice%20only%20with%20its%20special%20blend%E2%80%A6 Bought my bottle at Menards

Not an expert on trees, but looks like some sort of assh tree

My cat is so lazy

Hey ya'll watch this

Q. Why are married women heavier than single women? A. Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

A middle aged woman has a heart attack and is taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she has a near death experience. During that experience she sees God and asks if this is it. God says no and explains that she has another 30-40 years to live. Upon her recovery she decides to just...

What do you get when you cross the Atlantic Ocean with the Titanic? Halfway.

Seeing her friend Sally wearing a new locket, Meg asks if there is a memento of some sort inside. "Yes," says Sally, "a lock of my husband's hair." "But Larry's still alive." "I know, but his hair is gone."

A sweet little boy surprised his grandmother one morning and brought her a cup of coffee. He made it himself and he was so proud. Anxiously, he waited to hear the verdict. The grandmother in all her life had never had such a bad cup of coffee. As she forced down the last sip, his grandmother...

How about the quadaphonic 4 track tapes. After thet figured the tape could store 8 tracks of info, they made 8 tracks (used less tape)

An Arkansas State trooper pulls over a pickup truck on I-40 and says to the driver, "Got any ID?" The driver says," ' Bout what?"

Three old ladies are sitting on a park bench when a flasher comes by and opens his trench coat right in front of them. The first old lady has a stroke. The second old lady has a stroke. But the third old lady can't reach that far.

Hooked a big'un