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An old woman was sitting in her rocker by the fireplace one night when all of a sudden a genie appeared and promised to grant one wish. She thought about it for quite awhile then looking down at her faithful cat Tom, she asked the genie to transform the pet into a handsome prince who would love...

There are two statues in a park, one of a nude man and one of a nude woman. They had been facing each other across a pathway for a hundred years, when one day an angel comes down from the sky and, with a single gesture, brings the two to life. The angel tells them, "As a reward for being so...

Have killed hundreds of moles with a scissor trap. The trick....dig down deep enough to find their tunnel......make a mound between the tunnel openings.....place the trap carefully over the mound.....throw some light dirt on top.....check the trap next day.....dead mole.....have beer!

A man driving down a winding country lane noticed two people on the road. They were wearing robes and sandals, had shaved heads and holding up signs. One sign read "The End is Near!" The other sign read "Change Before it's Too Late!" He slowed the car and rolled down the window. "Get lost you...

The old man was sitting on the examining table in the doctor’s office having his hearing checked. The doctor poked his light scope in the old man’s ear and said, “Hey, you have a suppository in your ear!” “Rats,” said the old man. “Now I know where my hearing aid went.”

A bus full of housewives went to a picnic but fell into a river and everyone on board dies. All the husbands cried for almost a week but a guy cried over three weeks. One of them consoles him and asked," Do you miss your wife so much." He replies,"No, my wife missed the bus."

Noah was fishing one day off the side of the ark. Suddenly he looked around and yelled out, "Can someone bring me the *other* worm?"

What’s the male version of a Karen called? I don’t know but a group of them is called a Senate.

A woman from Los Angeles , who was a tree hugger and an anti-hunter, purchased a piece of timberland near Grants Pass , Oregon . There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted a good view of the natural splendour of her land so she started to climb the big tree. As...

Lets just stop growing things....stop eating??? Maybe do more rain dances.

So was the virus.

If there were enough desalination plants......you could irrigate with it.......expensive....sure....needed....you betcha. We need to think different......old ways are no longer working.

80/20 rule applies to all people.....put 100 people in a room....80 of them are good folks....20 are jerks.....doesn't matter color of skin....sex.....religion.......find the 80.....that's who you want to be around.

Lot of water out in the ocean....a shame we refuse to use it. https://www.newsecuritybeat.org/2020/09/tale-coastlines-desalination-china-california/

A woman driving along at speed passed over a bridge, only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait. The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, with that classic smirk and asked: "What's your hurry?" She Replied; "I'm Late For Work!" "Oh Yeah?", Said The Cop, "What Do...

Hold on there...you mean you don't want to know what I had for breakfast or that I clipped my toenails today??? LOL!

My wife ha asked me not to join FB for some reason?????

Tragic accident....same thing can happen with a septic tank.....fumes have killed people.

A little boy gets on the public bus and sits right behind the bs driver. The boy keeps repeatedly saying," If my mom was a cow and my dad was a bull, I'd be a little calf. If my mom was a hen and my dad was a chicken, I'd be a little chick. If my mom was a deer and my dad was a buck, I'd be a...

Marshall Dillon is returning from a 3-day trip hunting for outlaws. He see Chester walking down the middle of the street completely naked. "Chester! What the hell are you doing walking down the street without your clothes?" "Well, Mr. Dillon," says Chester, "since you were gone, Miss Kitty...

Old man goes to the doctor. The doctor says “The test results are back, and I’m sad to say you have cancer and Alzheimer’s.”. The old man says “Phew! At least it’s not cancer!”

We woke up to drizzle this morning....will get to low 70's later today. Yesterday.....we were on the bay crabbing......blue skies...high 60's.......we might push 80 this weekend. Southwest Wash.

A man was going ice fishing. He goes out onto the ice, cuts open a hold, and lowers his bait into the hole. 45 minutes pass, and the man has not gotten a nibble. A younger man walks out onto the ice, drills a hole right next to him, lowers his bait, and within a few minutes has hooked a...

Try a 60/40 solution of linseed oil and turpentine......works well.

Dad: Did you hear about the celebrity that killed her husband? Dad: Her name was Reese... Son: Witherspoon? Dad: No, with her knife.

There have been many....a few of the best......John Wooden.....Richard Nixon.....all of the Eagles.....Jackson Browne....Linda Ronstadt......Ted Kennedy.......Merle Haggert.....John Stewart......Kris Kristofferson.....Steve Earle.....Merlin Olsen......Kareem Abdul Jabbar (even played against...

Two bats are hanging upside down on a branch. One asks the other, "Do you recall your worst day last year?" The other responds, "Yes, the day I had diarrhea!"

Three men are chatting when the first says, "I think my wife is having an affair with a plumber. "I went home last night, and what did I find under the bed? A pipe." "I think my wife is having an affair with an electrician," says the second. "I went home last night, and what did I find under...

Went for a walk with my new girlfriend and we saw dogs mating. She said: "How does the male know when the female is ready for sex?" I replied: "He can smell she is ready . That's how nature works." We then walked past a sheep field and the ram was mating the ewe. Again my girlfriend asked...

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, 'Dad'. With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands...

Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?" Student: "Meat!" Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?" Student: "Bacon!" Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?" Student: "Homework!"

I run chains on my JD LT180 year around....steep hills are not a problem.

Teach the owls to hunt rats or shoot them...then get a cat.

A penguin takes his car to the shop and the mechanic says it'll take about an hour for him to check it. While he waits, the penguin goes to an ice cream shop and orders a big sundae to pass the time. The penguin isn't the neatest eater, and he ends up covered in melted ice cream. When he returns...

I got myself a senior phone with built in GPS......Not only does it tell me how to get to my destination, it tells me why I wanted to go there in the first place.

A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o'clock in the morning by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door, where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push. "Not a chance!" screams the husband. "It's three o'clock in the morning!" He slams the...

Totally agree....even when you have your shed built....you will still have rats.....we have two shop cats with a cat door.....I have a mole...mouse...rat...bird....shrew almost everyday......they keep the riff rat out!

With all this new technology.......I think it's only a matter of time before we get a country song where a guy's truck or tractor leaves him too.

If I had a billion dollars.....I would own a lot more tractors and attachments.

I bid on that extra seat Bezos was offering.....I almost had it....missed by only $27,999,000......I was so close!

That's good....I just replaced a seal on my Yanmar 186D.....sure glad I wasn't arrested!

So there was a family of moles. They decided to leave their burrow to smell the spring air. The father mole poked his head out first and sniffed, "I smell lavender." he says. The mother mole poked her head out as well and said "You're right dear, I smell it too." Their son couldn't fit through...

Two avid baseball fans dying of cancer have a discussion about the afterlife... The first man says, "do you think they have baseball in heaven?" The second man replies, "I don't know, but if one of us dies we need to come back and tell the other person if there is baseball in heaven." The...

A man in Alberta wakes up one morning to find a bear on his roof. So he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough..there's an ad for "Alberta Bear Removers." He calls the number and the man says he'll be over in 30 minutes. The bear remover arrives and gets out of his van. He's got a ladder, a...

An elderly man is stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night. The man replies, "I am on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late." The officer then asks, "Really? Who is...

Nope...no details.....just tons of spam that I saw.......not sure what the fix is.

FYI......MC says TNT will be down for a week.

Don't call a doctor....call a women's soccer team!

Muhammad is aware of the issue.....

We hit records on Sunday....112....today it is 62 with light drizzle....I prefer today's weather.