deerseeker001
Super Member
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- 5,734
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- Central wisconsin
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- International 2500a with Loader
Roy i also have had a cold/cough 3-4 weeks.Its something that's going around everyone one is coughing or sneezing.
Good morning!!!!
- Thread starter 300UGUY
- Start date
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WayneB
Elite Member
It is maybe the first real cold I have had in years!
All stuffed up and really sore throat.
So it is sit tight and lay low for this Olde turkey!!
daugen
Epic Contributor
lay low for this Olde turkey!!
may you feel like a Spring Chicken soon!
that will come from eating all that chicken soup....
may you feel like a Spring Chicken soon!
that will come from eating all that chicken soup....
RoyJackson
Rest in Peace
- Joined
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- 24,646
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- Bethel, Vermont
- Tractor
- John Deere 4052R Cab,, Deere 855D UTV, Z920A Zero Turn Mower and assorted implements
Well, then let's start the week with a bit of humor:
A LITTLE HUMOR FOR US ALL...WOMEN MIGHT SAY ...VERY LITTLE.
A wife asks her husband
"Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk and if they have avocados, get 6.
A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk.
The wife asks him, "Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"
He replied, "They had avocados."
If you're a woman, I'm sure you're going back to read it again! Men will get it the first time.
My work is done here.
Water in the carburetor
WIFE: "There is trouble with the car. It has water in the carburetor."
HUSBAND: "Water in the carburetor? That's ridiculous "
WIFE: "I tell you the car has water in the carburetor."
HUSBAND: "You don't even know what a carburetor is. I'll check it out . Where's the car?"
WIFE: "In the pool"
THIS IS A FRIGHTENING STATISTIC, PROBABLY ONE OF THE MOST WORRISOME IN RECENT YEARS .
25% of the women in this country are on medication for mental illness. That's scary. It means 75% are running around untreated.
HE MUST PAY
Husband and wife had a tiff. Wife called up her mom and said, "He fought with me again, I'm coming to live with you."
Mom said, "No darling, he must pay for his mistake. I'm coming to live with you.
Today's Short Reading from the Bible. Genesis:
"And God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the earth."
Then He made the earth round...and He laughed and laughed and laughed!
Teachers & Cops:
These are actual comments made on students' report cards by teachers in the New York City public school system. All teachers were reprimanded (but, boy, are these funny!)
1. Since my last report, your child has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.
2. I would not allow this student to breed.
3. Your child has delusions of adequacy.
4. Your son is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot. (my favorite...)
5. Your son sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.
6. The student has a 'full six-pack' but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.
7. This child has been working with glue too much.
8. When your daughter's IQ reaches 50, she should sell.
9. The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming..
10. If this student were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.
11. It's impossible to believe the sperm that created this child beat out 1,000,000 others.
12. The wheel is turning but the hamster is definitely dead.
These are actual comments made by 16 Police Officers. The comments were taken off actual police car videos around the country:
1. "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through."
2. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while."
3. "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."
4. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
5. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you." (LOVE IT)
6. "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?" (MY FAVORITE)
7. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"
8. "Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."
9. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
10. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."
11. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."
12. "In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC." (National Crime Information Center)
13. "Just how big were those 'two beers' you say you had?"
14. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."
15. "I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."
AND THE WINNER IS....
16. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't.. Sign here."
A LITTLE HUMOR FOR US ALL...WOMEN MIGHT SAY ...VERY LITTLE.
A wife asks her husband
"Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk and if they have avocados, get 6.
A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk.
The wife asks him, "Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"
He replied, "They had avocados."
If you're a woman, I'm sure you're going back to read it again! Men will get it the first time.
My work is done here.
Water in the carburetor
WIFE: "There is trouble with the car. It has water in the carburetor."
HUSBAND: "Water in the carburetor? That's ridiculous "
WIFE: "I tell you the car has water in the carburetor."
HUSBAND: "You don't even know what a carburetor is. I'll check it out . Where's the car?"
WIFE: "In the pool"
THIS IS A FRIGHTENING STATISTIC, PROBABLY ONE OF THE MOST WORRISOME IN RECENT YEARS .
25% of the women in this country are on medication for mental illness. That's scary. It means 75% are running around untreated.
HE MUST PAY
Husband and wife had a tiff. Wife called up her mom and said, "He fought with me again, I'm coming to live with you."
Mom said, "No darling, he must pay for his mistake. I'm coming to live with you.
Today's Short Reading from the Bible. Genesis:
"And God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the earth."
Then He made the earth round...and He laughed and laughed and laughed!
Teachers & Cops:
These are actual comments made on students' report cards by teachers in the New York City public school system. All teachers were reprimanded (but, boy, are these funny!)
1. Since my last report, your child has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.
2. I would not allow this student to breed.
3. Your child has delusions of adequacy.
4. Your son is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot. (my favorite...)
5. Your son sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.
6. The student has a 'full six-pack' but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.
7. This child has been working with glue too much.
8. When your daughter's IQ reaches 50, she should sell.
9. The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming..
10. If this student were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.
11. It's impossible to believe the sperm that created this child beat out 1,000,000 others.
12. The wheel is turning but the hamster is definitely dead.
These are actual comments made by 16 Police Officers. The comments were taken off actual police car videos around the country:
1. "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through."
2. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while."
3. "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."
4. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
5. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you." (LOVE IT)
6. "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?" (MY FAVORITE)
7. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"
8. "Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."
9. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
10. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."
11. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."
12. "In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC." (National Crime Information Center)
13. "Just how big were those 'two beers' you say you had?"
14. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."
15. "I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."
AND THE WINNER IS....
16. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't.. Sign here."
bakerg
Super Star Member
Good morning all. Thanks for the morning laugh Roy, good way to start the morning. 36F here heading to 43F.
toppop52
Super Star Member
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- Oct 19, 2011
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- 13,416
- Location
- Eastern Shore of Maryland
- Tractor
- Massey Ferguson 1723, Cub Cadet 1864
Scared the heck out of them, especially our daughter, but they are fine, thanks for asking!
toppop52
Super Star Member
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- 13,416
- Location
- Eastern Shore of Maryland
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Typically, it came out of the southwest and their house has a huge forest on the southwest and I think that helped keep the twister from touching down, it did touchdown briefly past them and dissipated. Not far from their house micro bursts caused several million dollars in damage and knocked out power to over 30000 people in and near Ocean City.
toppop52
Super Star Member
- Joined
- Oct 19, 2011
- Messages
- 13,416
- Location
- Eastern Shore of Maryland
- Tractor
- Massey Ferguson 1723, Cub Cadet 1864
20's early, 31 now 58 later, then rain and warm, then more cold. Drew, I'm on spring watch with you. I always look forward March first, it ain't spring but you can see it from there!
Good stuff Roy!:laughing:
Good stuff Roy!:laughing:
txdon
Super Star Member
Good morning! 61˚ and a cold font just blew through so we have already hit our high for the day. Sunny sky, crisp north wind, a 50˚s kind of day.
Frightful tornados, good jokes, it's all here - good morning America.
Frightful tornados, good jokes, it's all here - good morning America.
dave1949
Super Star Member
Thanks for the morning wake-up Roy. :laughing:
24*F, clear and calm.
I don't think I've ever seen our driveway quite so ugly as it is now. Last Monday's sand almost reappeared from beneath Saturday's new ice layer yesterday. The ice was bad enough Saturday that they cancelled the mail delivery around here. The rain forecast for tonight and into tomorrow will probably bury the sand I spread yesterday. Can't win, but it beats passing tornadoes all to heck. :laughing:
24*F, clear and calm.
I don't think I've ever seen our driveway quite so ugly as it is now. Last Monday's sand almost reappeared from beneath Saturday's new ice layer yesterday. The ice was bad enough Saturday that they cancelled the mail delivery around here. The rain forecast for tonight and into tomorrow will probably bury the sand I spread yesterday. Can't win, but it beats passing tornadoes all to heck. :laughing: