Grandparents being a PITA

[jinman]

This is a grandparent on grandparent rant.:laughing:

Last September, we had our 11-yo grandson come to live with us. He's somewhat ADHD, but not so much that he acts out because of it. He is just very busy and can't concentrate for long on things like math problems. If you can look over his shoulder and keep him focused, he does well. However, if you walk away, his attention will go to a dozen other things. Even so, we have worked with him so much that he can quickly do most problems and has worked up to a B-average. For things like English and science where it's identification of parts of speech or knowing definitions, he has done excellent. Just don't ask him to write a complete sentence. He can tell you how to spell a word, but somewhere between his mind and his hand, the spelling gets lost. It just seems to take too much effort to write the whole word. We're trying to teach him that it's always shorter to do it right than do it over. We've had some success, but he will need much more help. If all the world required was reading and doing, he'd be fine; however, if he has to write or make logical lists, he struggles.

So that brings me to what he does well and loves the most. Of course, it's video games. The fast action of a video game and constant changes fit his personality perfectly. It's the one thing he does that has his full attention and interest. To go along with video games, he also loves hunting and fishing. I'm using those terms loosely because hunting to him is shooting a gun over and over. We have an old BB gun and let him shoot at targets. After shooting for 1/2 hour at the targets, he wanted to take the gun and go "hunting." His definition of hunting is cocking the BB gun and shooting everything in sight. If he can't find anything to shoot at, he'll just cock the gun and shoot into the air. When fishing, if he is able to cast out his line and get a bite in 30 seconds or less, he's okay. If it takes longer, he is messin' with his pole or imagining the waves making the bobber jump are really fish. I have to admit that he is really havin' fun and is fun to watch when fishing.

Now the problem. . . His great-grandparents bought him a new BB-gun of his own for Christmas. No, they didn't ask us before buying it. We let him have it, but we sure have had to spend a lot of time teaching him safety. He has such a strong cock-shoot-cock-shoot-cock reaction, that often he has no idea if the gun is cocked and ready to shoot or not. His finger just dances on the trigger. I've drilled and drilled on him with gun safety, but it seems that his hands do things without his mind ever connecting. Last week he was on our deck with the gun and I asked him if it was cocked and told him to keep it pointed down. "It's not cocked!" he complained as he pulled trigger and fired a BB into the deck.:smiley_aafz: So I told him if he doesn't know the condition of his gun, then he's not old enough to own one and we should put it away until he grows up. That pretty much got his attention. The other thing he did was to hand the BB gun to a neighbor kid (about 9) while it was cocked and ready to fire. He didn't tell the kid it was cocked, but just handed it to him and walked away. He got another lecture over that one. The little kid had no idea that he was being handed a gun ready to fire.

Last weekend, he went to spend a day with his other grandparents. It was Christmas all over again there and he came home with a new Nintendo DS. Oh boy! Here we go again. . . sigh!:confused2:

 

[Martian]

This is a grandparent on grandparent rant.:laughing:

Last September, we had our 11-yo grandson come to live with us. He's somewhat ADHD, but not so much that he acts out because of it. He is just very busy and can't concentrate for long on things like math problems. If you can look over his shoulder and keep him focused, he does well. However, if you walk away, his attention will go to a dozen other things. Even so, we have worked with him so much that he can quickly do most problems and has worked up to a B-average. For things like English and science where it's identification of parts of speech or knowing definitions, he has done excellent. Just don't ask him to write a complete sentence. He can tell you how to spell a word, but somewhere between his mind and his hand, the spelling gets lost. It just seems to take too much effort to write the whole word. We're trying to teach him that it's always shorter to do it right than do it over. We've had some success, but he will need much more help. If all the world required was reading and doing, he'd be fine; however, if he has to write or make logical lists, he struggles.

So that brings me to what he does well and loves the most. Of course, it's video games. The fast action of a video game and constant changes fit his personality perfectly. It's the one thing he does that has his full attention and interest. To go along with video games, he also loves hunting and fishing. I'm using those terms loosely because hunting to him is shooting a gun over and over. We have an old BB gun and let him shoot at targets. After shooting for 1/2 hour at the targets, he wanted to take the gun and go "hunting." His definition of hunting is cocking the BB gun and shooting everything in sight. If he can't find anything to shoot at, he'll just cock the gun and shoot into the air. When fishing, if he is able to cast out his line and get a bite in 30 seconds or less, he's okay. If it takes longer, he is messin' with his pole or imagining the waves making the bobber jump are really fish. I have to admit that he is really havin' fun and is fun to watch when fishing.

Now the problem. . . His great-grandparents bought him a new BB-gun of his own for Christmas. No, they didn't ask us before buying it. We let him have it, but we sure have had to spend a lot of time teaching him safety. He has such a strong cock-shoot-cock-shoot-cock reaction, that often he has no idea if the gun is cocked and ready to shoot or not. His finger just dances on the trigger. I've drilled and drilled on him with gun safety, but it seems that his hands do things without his mind ever connecting. Last week he was on our deck with the gun and I asked him if it was cocked and told him to keep it pointed down. "It's not cocked!" he complained as he pulled trigger and fired a BB into the deck.:smiley_aafz: So I told him if he doesn't know the condition of his gun, then he's not old enough to own one and we should put it away until he grows up. That pretty much got his attention. The other thing he did was to hand the BB gun to a neighbor kid (about 9) while it was cocked and ready to fire. He didn't tell the kid it was cocked, but just handed it to him and walked away. He got another lecture over that one. The little kid had no idea that he was being handed a gun ready to fire.

Last weekend, he went to spend a day with his other grandparents. It was Christmas all over again there and he came home with a new Nintendo DS. Oh boy! Here we go again. . . sigh!:confused2:

I don't trust anyone with a gun, especially young ones. I'd let him have the DS and at least that way he can't hurt anyone!

 

[Furu]

PM sent

 

[scesnick]

I have a nephew the same way. His attention span is pretty much zero if you are not right there drilling him about something. If it were me, I would have to take the BB gun away, atleast for a while. He doesn't seem to grasp the safety issue and that is a major concern.
Especially if he is around other children with the BB gun. That is a huge liability.

I highly doubt the other kids parents would really care about your grandsons learning issues if they have to take their own kid to the emergency room from a BB gun wound. As a matter of fact that would probably make them question the supervision of your grandchild even more.
Just being honest here.

 

[MossRoad]

Buy him a single shot BB gun and tell him you love him and why.

 

[jinman]

Buy him a single shot BB gun and tell him you love him and why.

Well Moss, that's pretty much what we did. We put up his BB gun and he cannot use it unless we are there to supervise. We had a long discussion about how we love him and would be devastated if anything happened to him. I'm thinking that a ration of a dozen BBs at a time might slow down his plinking a bit too.

Now, the other kids. . . They showed up uninvited from my neighbor's property. One had a BB gun and the other a CO2 pistol. The exchange of the gun while loaded was the only instance I saw that my grandson did something unsafe. I can't say the same for the other kids, but they had their parents with them. They went for a hike and he wanted to take his gun. I said he couldn't and that was that. Later, I pointed out several things to my grandson that the others had done that he did not do because he's been taught safe operation. He realizes I can complement him as quickly as scold him.

 

[k0ua]

You may find this intereresting, I grew up with guns in the house, and had fired my first .22 rifle at age 4 and first handgun a .38 special at age 6. of course this was under strict up close and personal supervision. But no matter how much I begged for a BB gun, my father thought them unsafe for a boy to have. He said they fostered unsafe gun handling skills. When I was 12 I had my own .22 rifle (single shot) and then when 13 a .22 pistol (high dollar Colt Woodsman) Then at 14 a .357 magnum revolver and 16 guage shotgun and a 7.7mm Jap high powered rifle. (which I outgrew by the time I was 16 as the stock length of pull is so short on those rifles) So I was given a lot of firepower at an early age, At 15 I finally got a pellet gun! I guess I was considered safe enough at that age to own one. I had gun safety drilled into me at a very early age, and so far (age 57) have never had an accident. I am not saying that my fathers ideas are the correct or only way, just relating how it was for me. Jim I hope all goes well with you and your grandson.

James K0UA

 

[jinman]

James, I didn't have the collection of guns you had, but my father would not let me have a BB gun for the same reason. We had a .22, a .410, and a double-barrel 12-ga. Those were the only guns in our house until I was grown. I can remember plinking with the .22 when I was just 9, but we always had to buy ammo with our own money. It's amazing how frugal you can be when the money is coming out of your own pocket.

 

[Thomas]

Time for little tough love even for grandparents.

 

[blueriver]

Time for little tough love even for grandparents.

Tough love is good love especially for a kid who had no love. Also a good boot in the rear ... its not a hand, a hit, a spanking ... rather a boot in the rear is a good disapointment to a youngin...they can't believe you care that much. I'm not saying daily.

Jim ... keep up the good work, it will pay you back thousands of times over. He is lucky to have his grand "parents"