?????? GROAN 2

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Pixguy

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Yogi05

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I get calls from their relatives in the Canadian government saying I owe taxes, that I can pay off in gift cards or bitcoin.
They tell me there is a warrant for my arrest and a group of officers waiting down the street to descend on me as we speak.
I tell them to sent them in. I'll put coffee on.
 

Pixguy

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I had a obvious telemarketer call yesterday so I put on my old Italian man voice, "Ello?" a foreign accent guy tells me he calling about my tv service. I said "My Direct tv service?"
He says, yes your direct tv service.
I said You're a lying sack of s***, I don't even have direct tv. Click
 

i7win7

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All the nurses and even the doctor didn't know what to do with him. Then, the chief surgeon walked in and asked what was wrong.
The head nurse replied, "We don't know what to do with this baby."
So the chief surgeon took one look and said, "You should put him into a mental institution."
"Why?" asked the head nurse.
"Well," replied the chief surgeon, "take a look at him. The boy is obviously half nuts."
 

scaredychicken

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I get calls from their relatives in the Canadian government saying I owe taxes, that I can pay off in gift cards or bitcoin.
They tell me there is a warrant for my arrest and a group of officers waiting down the street to descend on me as we speak.
I tell them to sent them in. I'll put coffee on.
IF I actually get them talking to me on the phone, I politely suggest that that they call me on me preferred contact line.
Then I give them the local RCMP (police) NON-EMERGENCY Number, and hang up
Oh, to be a fly on the wall when they call "me" back :)
 

k0ua

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Love Shaq

B-52's


I don't get it. I suspect this is going to be a cultural thing.
 

k0ua

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A Group called B-52’s had a song called “Love Shack”.

MoKelly
I figured it was something like that. Of course I could have googled it. But the meme didn't make any sense to me at first look.
 
  
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Xfaxman

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I didn't get it either. Glad it got explained.
 

i7win7

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Never knew auto-correct could fix "beach" pictures
auto-correct.jpeg
 

buckeyefarmer

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Love Shaq

B-52's


I don't get it. I suspect this is going to be a cultural thing.

They Bangin, on the door. At the Love shack baby!!

Lol, love the song.
 

Yogi05

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IF I actually get them talking to me on the phone, I politely suggest that that they call me on me preferred contact line.
Then I give them the local RCMP (police) NON-EMERGENCY Number, and hang up
Oh, to be a fly on the wall when they call "me" back

Wonder what would happen of you answered "Detective XX, telephone fraud division. How may I help you?"
 

dstig1

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I figured it was something like that. Of course I could have googled it. But the meme didn't make any sense to me at first look.
It's a great fun pop song from the late 80's, as others have noted. Worth a listen. Hard not to like it. The B52s had a bunch of great songs and a rather unique sound.
 

Jstpssng

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It's a great fun pop song from the late 80's, as others have noted. Worth a listen. Hard not to like it. The B52s had a bunch of great songs and a rather unique sound.
I know the song well, but somebody still had to explain it to me. Kate Pierson had an amazing voice.
 

i7win7

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Neighbors reporting "big foot" tracks in the area
footwear.png
 

i7win7

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A cub reporter for a small town newspaper was sent out on his first assignment one day. He submitted the following report to his editor.

"Mrs. Smith was injured in a one-car accident today. She is recovering in County Hospital with lacerations on her breasts."

The Editor scolded the new reporter, saying. "This is a family paper. We don't use words like breasts around here. Now go back and write something more appropriate!"

The young reporter thought long and hard. Finally he handed the Editor the following report. "Mrs. Smith was injured in a one-car accident today. She is recovering in County Hospital with lacerations on her ( o )( o ) "
 

i7win7

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One day, Bubba and Earl were driving down the road, drinking a couple of beers. The passenger, Bubba, said, "Lookey thar up ahead, Earl. It's a po-leece roadblock. We're gonna get busted fer drinkin' these here beers!"

"Don't worry, Bubba," Earl said. "We'll just pull over and finish drinkin' these beers, peel off the labels and stick 'em on our foreheads, then throw the bottles under the seat."

"What fer?" asked Bubba.

"Just let me do the talking, okay?" said Earl. They finished their beers, threw the empty bottles under the seat and slapped the labels on their foreheads.

When they reached the roadblock, the sheriff asked, "Have you boys been drinking?"

"No sir," replied Earl. "We're on the patch!
 

i7win7

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Nothing like a good pair of work boots
good shoes.jpg
 

Peace

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Two men are hiking through the woods when one of them cries out, “Snake! Run!” His companion laughs at him. “Oh, relax. It’s only a baby,” he says. “Don’t you hear the rattle?”
 

Peace

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I went to the bar&grill for lunch yesterday. I got up from the booth and asked the bar tender for the wi-fi password. He said “You need to by a drink”. I said “I just bought breakfast”. He said “You need to buy a drink”. I said “ Fine, give me a Coke. Now can I have the password?” He said” You need to buy a drink. All lowercase and no spaces.”
 
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drssg

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When I was a kid, one of my buddies had this sign up at their place.

IMG_0996.JPG
 

i7win7

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After a day fishing on Lake Michigan, a fisherman is walking from the pier carrying two brown trout in a bucket. He is approached by a Conservation Officer who asks him for his fishing license.

The fisherman says to the warden, "I was not fishing and I did not catch these browns, they are my pets. Every day I come down to the water and dump these fish into the water and take them for a walk to the end of the pier and back. When I'm ready to go I whistle and they jump back into the bucket and we go home. The officer not believing him, reminds him that it is illegal to fish without a license.

The fisherman turns to the warden and says, "If you don't believe me then watch," as he throws the trout back into the water.

The warden says, "Now whistle to your fish and show me that they will jump out of the water and into the bucket."

The fisherman turns to the officer and says, "What fish?"
 
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