?????? GROAN 2

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i7win7

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This fisherman goes to the river to check an illegal fish trap that he owns. He looks around to make sure there are no Fishing Inspectors about and proceeds to pull the fish trap out to check it.

An Inspector steps out of the bushes, “Ahha!” he said and the fisherman spun around and yelled “Shiiiit!”. The Inspector, who wasn’t expecting such a response said “Settle down, I’m the Fishing Inspector”.

“Thank God for that” said the fisherman, “I thought you were the bugger who owned this fish trap”.
 

i7win7

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gun manual.jpg
 

buckeyefarmer

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I went to the bar&grill for lunch yesterday. I got up from the booth and asked the bar tender for the wi-fi password. He said “You need to by a drink”. I said “I just bought breakfast”. He said “You need to buy a drink”. I said “ Fine, give me a Coke. Now can I have the password?” He said” You have to buy a drink. All lowercase and no spaces.”

Need or have? Lol
 

Yogi05

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The Ottawa river runs along the boarder of Ontario and Quebec (Canada) and therefore either provincial fishing license is accepted, but one day.....

A Quebec game warden pulled up to a fisherman's boat and asks for a Quebec fishing license.
Fisherman: "I have an Ontario license."
Warden: "You're in Quebec water and catching Quebec fish."
Fisherman: "No I'm not"
Warden: "There's some fish in the bottom of your boat, what are those?"
Fisherman: "Those are Ontario fish".
Warden: "How can you tell?"
Fisherman: "I throw back the ones with the big mouths".
 

jerrybob

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Noah was fishing one day off the side of the ark.​

Suddenly he looked around and yelled out, "Can someone bring me the *other* worm?"
 

RoyJackson

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Woman stops 12 ft gator with .22 pistol!
"Florida Woman Stops Alligator Attack Using a small .22 caliber Ruger Pistol." Another good reason to have a concealed weapons permit.
This is a story of self-control and marksmanship by a brave, cool-headed woman with a small pistol against a fierce predator.
Here's her story in her own words: "While walking along the edge of a pond just outside my house in the Villages discussing a property settlement with my soon-to-be ex-husband, and other divorce issues, we were surprised by a huge 12-ft alligator which suddenly emerged from the murky water.
It began charging us with its large jaws wide open. She must have been protecting her nest because she was extremely aggressive.
"If I had not had my little Ruger 22 caliber pistol with me, I would not be here today! Just one shot to my estranged husband's knee cap was all it took.
The gator got him easily, and I was able to escape by just walking away at a brisk pace. The amount I saved in lawyer's fees was really incredible and his life insurance was also a big bonus!"
 
  
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Xfaxman

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Groan m.jpg
 

npalen

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Police said the victim was shot in the ensuing fracas. Where is the "ensuing fracas"?
 
  
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Xfaxman

Xfaxman

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Police said the victim was shot in the ensuing fracas. Where is the "ensuing fracas"?
Down low on the left side of your back. ;)
 
  
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Xfaxman

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i7win7

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Three engineers and three accountants are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three accountants each buy tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket.

"How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks an accountant.

"Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer.

They all board the train. The accountants take their respective seats but all three engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, "Ticket, please."

The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.

The accountants saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the accountants decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all that). When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the engineers don't buy a ticket at all.

"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one perplexed accountant.

"Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer.

When they board the train the three accountants cram into a restroom and the three engineers cram into another one nearby. The train departs. Shortly afterward, one of the engineers leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the accountants are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, Ticket, please."
 

i7win7

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Wonder where he dug those up

dug up.jpg
 

i7win7

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I'm guessing - she got the house

happy wife.jpg
 

Peace

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I learned bucking 90lb bales onto a pickup truck one summer when my uncles bale loader’s engine seized.
 

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k0ua

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I learned bucking 90lb bales onto a pickup truck one summer when my uncles bale loader’s engine seized.
I spent a couple of summers baling hay. Well actually bucking bales and stacking them in the barn. I decided the coughing and wheezing each night from the inside the barn stacking just wasn't worth the respiratory pain, I decided I needed to figure out another career. I few years later, I got into Telecommunications. Installing and programming telephone systems in a nice air conditioned building was easier. Yeah, the cable pulling wasn't great, but even that was better than stacking hay in a barn. Yes I realize that isn't done much any more, but it sure was when I was 15 and 16.
 

Alan W.

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I’m getting old and decided to review my Bucket List. There were many things that I will never be able to accomplish.

Changed the B to an F and problem solved! :ROFLMAO:

My wife will be asking me about something and I will tell her that it falls into a very large category that I call my Dont Give A Rats Ass About List.
 
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