A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband is not in bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.
'What's the matter, dear' she whispers as she steps into the room, 'Why are you down here at this time of night
The husband looks up from his coffee, 'It's the 20th Anniversary of the day we met'.
She can't believe he has remembered and starts to tear up.
The husband continues, 'Do you remember 20 years ago when we started dating, I was 18 and you were only 16,' he says solemnly.
Once again, the wife is touched to tears. 'Yes, I do' she replies.
The husband pauses The words were not coming easily. 'Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car'
'Yes, I remember' said the wife, lowering herself into the chair beside him.
The husband continued. 'Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, "Either you marry my daughter or I will send you to prison for 20 years'
'I remember that, too' she replied softly.
He wiped another tear from his cheek and said "I would have gotten out today."
These two guys made a pact with each other that the first one that died and went to heaven would come back as an angel after a couple weeks and tell the other one what it is like up there. The next day one of them had a heart attack and died. A couple weeks later he came back and found his buddy. His buddy says what's it like up there? He said well, I have some good news and some bad news.
The other one said what's the good news? The angel said well, we play baseball everyday. It's just a blast. His buddy says, what's the bad news? The angel said.
You're playing in Saturday's game.
Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a
pet dog for company. One day the dog died, and Muldoon
went to the parish priest and asked, "Father, my dog is
dead. Could ya' be saying' a mass for the poor creature?"
Father Patrick replied, "I'm afraid not; we cannot have
services for an animal in the church. But there are some
Baptists down the lane, and there's no tellin' what they
believe. Maybe they'll do something for the creature."
Muldoon said, "I'll go right away Father. Do ya think
$5,000 is enough to donate to them for the service?"
Father Patrick exclaimed, "Sweet Mary , Mother of Jesus!
Why didn't ya tell me the dog was Catholic??"