Ethics on clearing neighbor's drive ways and private lane

[Redneck in training]

I spent about half of my life in a country where money didn't have much value so barter was way of life. If I needed help I called on friends. When they called I never said I am too busy. If you had a repairman doing even small work like fixing your TV that took him 30 min. You offered food or at least coffee or tea. If it was a big few days job like facade on your house you provided good homemade meal for the craftsmen and all the helpers (And I mean good. Burgers or hot dogs wouldn't do it). I live in the states now but still maintain the custom. It makes me happy. We had four guys installing chain link fence around part of the property. They were told day one that lunches will be provided. Guy who put tiles in my bathroom was also fed. He did very good job but was so slow. I was kidding him that he was slow to get more lunches. Guy who combined my beans was also fed and all the mechanics that were fixing his combine when one of the HST drives died. In other words we fed every single person who did even some trivial job for us. My wife is american born so she wasn't used to it but also enjoys doing it. She like to cook so she gets many compliments from guys when they stuff themselves. HeHe.

 

[lilranch2001]

It's kind of funny how things of changed.
I live on the first road outside of a little village and in the last 20 years a housing addition build up a cross the road from me and now my road is the boundary with the village
the people that live there Will hardly even wave at you much less have conversations
All of us on the other side of the road have live there for a very long time and are all friends but we hardly speak to anybody I cross the road because they are so tight lipped
I haven't even cleaned out some of their driveways and never heard the first thank you

 

[Avery11]

I have twin sons who get along great 99% of the time...until they don't.

I am a poor Christian on my best day but have raised my boys with all they need in their tool kit to walk the line if they so choose. While both are good and God-fearing, one is exceptionally filled with the Spirit; Beau.

When he was about 6 (10 now) the Bear came into the living room in tears holding one hand in the other. I had heard the argument but stayed out of it as young men sometimes need to just work it out on their own.

Long to short, when I asked what his brother did, Beau, through the tears and frustration, said something that will never leave me. He said "Daddy, Luke tore up a drawing I made so I punched him and bent my wrist and my anger came back on me."

Beau didn't blame his brother for his pain, he blamed himself which still floors me; especially from a little boy.

If you plow the road and driveways of your own will and receive no thanks, and this bothers you, look inward for the source of your frustration. Regardless of your neighbors, you are doing a good thing so for the source of satisfaction and praise, look inward as well.

Certainly, this is me on a high horse so feel free to discard the advice of a jaded adult, but give the example of a good little boy some thought.

I'm trying to learn the only finger pointing worth while is at a mirror.

THANK YOU, for doing a good thing.

A.

Beau-bear and his beautiful Mother.

 

[lilranch2001]

I didn't indicate I wanted compensation
I was only making a comment on the current human condition
My satisfaction comes from me not needing to feel like I need the help the thankless in the future

 

[Avery11]

You are correct, I apologize. Nonetheless, my reply was targeted more toward what you just summed up very nicely - the nuances of the human condition. I used my son as an example of what I think is the best way to deal with emotions; however, I have certainly not reached his level of Zen.

I think it says something about you that don't seem to want to simply dismiss your neighbors and I would say you've done your part (the inner satisfaction). If I was in your situation, I would probably stop the services.

I didn't indicate I wanted compensation
I was only making a comment on the current human condition
My satisfaction comes from me not needing to feel like I need the help the thankless in the future
������

 

[Copperhead]

Yeah, just clear what you need for your concerns and see how others react to it. Might be a wakeup call to some of your neighbors.

 

[BigBlue1]

I read the OP but not the whole thread so hopefully this response is still pertinent:

If you're going to do something like that (i.e. snow removal outside the scope of your own property) you need to do it because you want to do it and you feel good about it, not expecting anything back. When you get to the point that you are frustrated because you feel like you've been taken advantage of or someone is not appreciating you you're past the point of doing it just because you are generous and it is time to stop. All sorts of different people react differently to those types of actions. Some are extremely appreciative and show or tell you so. Some take it for granted and sort of like it but don't care enough to thank you or reciprocate. Some actually resent you and may be offended or might like it up until you rip into their lawn a little bit or break some landscaping and they they'll sue you. It's a crapshoot. But if you're not OK with all possible reactions then don't do it. Why frustrate yourself.

I used to live in a city residential environment, in a cul-de-sac, for 20 years. I had my JD 345 garden tractor with snowblower because I grew up with similar equipment and I do things overkill when I buy stuff. I absolutely love moving snow and would do my driveway, the sidewalk along our main road (adjacent to my property) and as many other neighbors' driveways as were not already done by the time I got out there. Some of them only shoveled. Some had walk-behind blowers. I believe they all appreciated my efforts because it saved them time and energy. Some thanked me. Some didn't say anything. I was OK with both tacts. I knew them long enough to know they would forgive me if I ripped up a little grass or something. I would have done it even if nobody ever said a thing to me in thanks. Now I live in the country and only have my own stuff to take care of. I keep trying to offer help to my rural neighbors but nobody has taken me up on it yet. Maybe someday I'll be able to give more assistance.

 

[fishheadbob]

There is no free lunch.
To quote Joe Tex "You don't know what you got, until you lose it." If they aren't appreciative of your efforts, stop and see what happens. They will appreciate you a lot more when they have to pony up to pay (a lot) to a plow jockey to perform a service many of them have come to feel is an entitlement.
I'm an easy touch , when we get a snowmageddon as we do in Buffalo's snowbelt, I'll bail my neighbors out when their stuff is overmatched. I don't accept payment but will take thank yous , some maple syrup, a dozen eggs or two, that sort of thing. People who live in snowy places ordinarily realize you have to have at least a snowblower, most have a plow service, but a few with a lot of young men still shovel. It usually takes a couple of feet of wet snow for their stuff to be inadequate so it's not an annual event.

 

[skyhook]

I agree with fish, if they can't give you a " ( thumbs up ) " afterwards, then I personally don't see why.
It's so nice when someone close come's by and say's , " how much to do mine ", and you say....
hey, were neighbors, I'll take care of it. Unfortunately, thats not always the case. it makes it hard for the good heart'ed guy's like some of us.

 

[Dale Mercer]

I read the OP but not the whole thread so hopefully this response is still pertinent:

If you're going to do something like that (i.e. snow removal outside the scope of your own property) you need to do it because you want to do it and you feel good about it, not expecting anything back. When you get to the point that you are frustrated because you feel like you've been taken advantage of or someone is not appreciating you you're past the point of doing it just because you are generous and it is time to stop. All sorts of different people react differently to those types of actions. Some are extremely appreciative and show or tell you so. Some take it for granted and sort of like it but don't care enough to thank you or reciprocate. Some actually resent you and may be offended or might like it up until you rip into their lawn a little bit or break some landscaping and they they'll sue you. It's a crapshoot. But if you're not OK with all possible reactions then don't do it. Why frustrate yourself.

I used to live in a city residential environment, in a cul-de-sac, for 20 years. I had my JD 345 garden tractor with snowblower because I grew up with similar equipment and I do things overkill when I buy stuff. I absolutely love moving snow and would do my driveway, the sidewalk along our main road (adjacent to my property) and as many other neighbors' driveways as were not already done by the time I got out there. Some of them only shoveled. Some had walk-behind blowers. I believe they all appreciated my efforts because it saved them time and energy. Some thanked me. Some didn't say anything. I was OK with both tacts. I knew them long enough to know they would forgive me if I ripped up a little grass or something. I would have done it even if nobody ever said a thing to me in thanks. Now I live in the country and only have my own stuff to take care of. I keep trying to offer help to my rural neighbors but nobody has taken me up on it yet. Maybe someday I'll be able to give more assistance.

I did not want anything for clearing snow off the road not a thank you or anything but i did not think i should be put down for it.