"He's about as dumb as a box of rocks." or
"I'd say he's about as dumb as a box of rocks, but I'd hate to insult perfectly good rocks."
"Ain't got enough sense to pour pi$$ out of a boot"
"If it tell you a chicken dips snuff, you best look under her left wing for the box."(Listen)
"Don't pee into the wind"
"Make hay while the sun shines".
"Ya know the funny thing about that little white dot on top of chicken poo. It's chicken poo too".
"He don't even know which end of the cow gets up first". or
"He don't even know which end of the cow eats".
"I ain't never seen/heard nothin' like that".
"Uglier than the north end of a southbound mule".
"Why do I always carry a gun in my truck? 'Cause ya never know when you might meet someone who needs shootin".
(Southern) Ya know the difference between a Yankee and a durn
Yankee? The Yankee went home".
"Homlier than homemade mud/sin".
"Busier than a one legged man in an ***** kickin' contest".
"Sonny, your about as clumsy as a bull in a china closet".
"He's as full of cr** as a christmas turkey".
"He is all hat and no cattle".(All talk)
"When they was handing out brains he thought they said beer and he didn't want none".
(Winter time)"The onliest thing between here and the north pole is a 3 wire fence and 2 of them is down".
"Colder than a well diggers shovel in Siberia".
"Cash on the barellhead".
"He's about a half a bubble off of plumb".
"He's a few bricks shy of a load".
"Ya can't get there from here".
"Rougher than a cob".
"She's wound up like a 8 day clock".
"He's a lie'n like a dog".
"He's a lie'n thru his teeth".
"Shakin' like a coyote sh!!!ng persimon seeds".
"Shakin' like 2 pigs a wrestling in a sack".
"I'd say she's about 2 axe handles wide"(fat)
"Why Bea, your about plum finished out for slaughter".(fat)
"She's prettier than a speckled pup".(Yes, that is a compliment)
"Son, don't get higher than corn or lower than taters and you'll be all right".(don't fly or coal mine ect.)
"He's a running around like a chicken with his head cut off".(excited)
"Ain't got sense to come in out of the rain".
"Your a cookin' with crisco now".(doing good or making progress)
"Your a fartin' in the wind".(wasting time)
