hmm...
Can I add the magnificent soil tenderizer?
Here is the recipe for soil tenderizer..
$18K for a tractor. Give or take $5-20K
$10-50 dollars for diesel per work day.
$130 - $400 for a sub-soiler.
a bored tractor operator
hours and hours of free time.
1 set of hearing protection
enjoyable beverage of a safe level for tractor operation-likely choices- water, sweet tea, Gatorade
soil tenderizing mix-- amount to be determined by size of tenderization area parameters and county agent
a tractor hat with special sweating water bottle
precautions for proper "cooking" setup.
1. Ask SWMBO for permission to purchase the tractor
2. Use all the bribery and persuasion needed-- This might involve a Caribbean cruise or other high cost excursion.
Care much be used so that the tractor funds are not exhausted on the persuasion.
3. Make multiple envy trips to the local tractor implement yard and stores, make sure you point how cool they look in the presence of SWMBO.
4. Ensure that you post all the details on TBN while further using the excuse to purchase a new digital camera to document.
5. Enlist the help of neighbors and friends to talk about how much help their tractors were, be sure to plan carefully- too much work may be a bad thing.
6. Upon purchase approval, immediately start the work of explaining how this is a tool and that SWMBO would never want to dirty her dainty hands doing such a task as driving or using the tractor.
7. The safety of the project's manhood relies totally on the last ingredient. While working even in the coolest spring and fall weather.. ensure that you keep a sufficient bottle of water handy to simulate excessive sweatingé*�ka really hard work
Now the mixing process:
Carefully utilize the tractor making the work look hard and arduous while using the water to ensure sweat stains and wet hair if you have such. Some men will use such tricks as deer urine or other hunting tricks to incite foul smells. In some areas you may need to add salt to the water so that there are real sweat lines.
Mix in the tenderizing agents as recommended by the local county extension office after he/she has tested your soil. remember not to mention this to anyone on how you came to the perfect combination of lime, potting mix, top soil and the secret spices that only Col Sanders can tell you about.
Remembering the seed recommendation from the county agent (this one you can and should admit the source for�oes to how to find good info and all the time spent 妬n town?, make the third or fourth trip to town to the seed store all the while enjoying the man time... Don't forget when dinner is, as you should never be called late to dinner.
Plant the grass, cover as desired for best results. Wheat straw, light raking etc..
Then sit back and do the most enjoyable event of all: get the pat on the back from SWMBO, while drinking the beverage of choice delivered by the grateful and sweet one with a smile for a hard days work. And don't forget that she can never know the secret truth of just how much fun you had doing all that hard work.
well, that's how it should be done... of course, cooking times and seed acquisitions times vary based on climatic conditions, time of month, and other environmental variables that cannot be accounted for in this simple recipe.
Please add other precautions and ingredients as I may have missed some in my haste to maintain the secrets of a tractor owner
Enjoy dear friend and welcome to the secret society of the lawn builder?
later,
J
