UPI Dateline 07/2016
In what can only be called a freak accident, a hapless gentleman managed to climb onto the nicely shaped roof of his Kubota tractor to save himself after he accidentally, and v-e-r-y s-l-o-w-l-y drove his beautiful, gleaming Kubota Tractor into some quicksand. Unfortunately, the tractor was not so fortunate and was completely submerged, a total loss except for a bumper sticker that floated to the surface reading "GREEN SUCKS" (reporters at the scene had no clue what that meant, but is seemed important at the time as the rest of the tractor was just plain gone - except for some bubbles).
Accident investigators were assisted by Kubota engineers, who were summoned to the scene due to the unusual circumstances and this mishap being the first of its type. At first, wildly waving their slide rules and talking in foreign tongues, they later said they were puzzled why the tractor sank so quickly. This riddle was solved when it was discovered that the owner had taken off the original, "manly" big honkin', high flotation tires, and put on something just a little smaller. This bizarre behavior, now officially called OCTATD (Obsessive Compulsive Tiny ***** Tire Disorder - - - or ObamaCare mandatory reporting Disability Code 7734-BODC-GL32400000) by psychiatrists called to the scene due to the unusual circumstances and this mishap being the first of its type. The doctors opined that this unusual behavior was likely due to the owner ne patient trying "not to make up for something". Sadly he slipped down the slippery slope and "just went too dang small", according to the head doc. This patient kept changing to smaller and ever smaller tires and wheels, about once or twice every week, until the tractor that sank in the quicksand, due to essentially having no tire footprint of any consequence and no flotation whatsoever, was wearing in-line skate wheels, orange ones, had a minimum of 1/4 inch of ground clearance, and had a reputed top speed of 1.9 miles per week (but one heck of a LOT of grunt on DRY ground, according to the owner).
Video at 10 PM.