Funeral Costs

[beowulf]

A bit off of the subject - but not much. While you don't want to leave a financial burden regarding funeral and related expenses, it is also a good idea to not leave your family with the task of preparing an obituary at a time they are grieving and do not need more stress and an additional burden. Preparing that can be a challenge - putting together dates, notable things to mention, and more. Some families may want to defer that to those left behind, but not me. I have had to prepare them before and would have preferred to have had at least an outline to work with.

Anyway, mine is prepared and ready, along with very detailed information and instructions about financial and other matters - from password and account information to the location of the septic tank - hey, you can't just give up control that easily. The point of all that is to make things as easy as possible. Without this, I can see them struggling with the first steps, having to guess at things, and with the stress of trying to figure everything out that I had been taking care of. My 'roadmap' is detailed, e.g., how to obtain death certificates, how many to order, insurance, what to cancel, what to continue paying, what to stop paying, who to notify, locations of records, how certain tasks are managed, and much much more. We have also had 'the conversation' about this, and where my 'just-in-case-file' is located - which is updated a few times a year. One way to approach this is to just start keeping a list - as something comes up that you think they will need to know about, write it down. Then add it to your own folder from time to time.

I am much more content knowing I have done all this - and they have told me they are as well. Anyway, just a suggestion.

 

[tradosaurus]

As a Cheyenne tribal member my burial costs are free.

 

[JasperFrank]

My father was a funeral director and mortician.

The work eventually, drove him to alcoholism.

He wanted us children, for some reason, to be involved, as a father and sons sort of venture. By the time I was nine, I had worked on at least 25 funerals. Most everything people hear about shady dealings and funeral homes is true. And then there is stuff, you just don't want to know.

Traditional Funerals are theater that is tied to the concept of resurrection.

The traditional funeral, with viewings, casket, grave, vault, head stone and ceremony, procession, flowers, full embalming and cosmetic work, easily reaches many thousands of dollars. Each of these are steps, usually decided by a grieving spouse. And each of these steps has a level of expense. And there is an avenue of expense escalation built in to all of them. Kind of like a new car, dealership, selling options. And if the deceased was not specific, about their final affairs, the phase is, "What do you think they would have wanted?" This is the up sale phrase used, and plays on people that want only the best, for the deceased. Which is entirely understandable, you want the best for your deceased love one, yet they are not there to say something like, "Please just buy a new car instead," or help a child pay off a mortgage.

Funerals are not for the deceased, they are for the survivors.

I don't want to tilt on anyone's religious beliefs here, that would be rude. But you would be surprised at how few people actually go to the Traditional Funeral. Its not like the movies. And most of the time, it isn't raining at the grave site. And I've seen full on funerals that only 12 people showed up.

I'm so very glad in a way that the role of Funeral Director, drove my Dad crazy and he had to get out of it.

I would suggest that anyone that is making a Will, make it known, what YOU want done.

My Will says cremation, and where ashes are to be spread. No viewing of any kind, and a set aside amount of money for a Life Celebration. Though I am looking into natural burial, now that it is legal.

 

[jyoutz]

At this time I’m the executor of my father’s will. He chose to be cremated and total funeral and associated costs are about $5K.

 

[jyoutz]

Mo, sorry for the loss.
But it brings up a good thread. Death comes to all of us.
Planning for it is often difficult and put off to "later".

Wills are great, but they need an executor (or more) to do it right.
I've mentioned before my wife being an attorney and her being an executor for many of the "family" estates.
Usually she shared duties with another person.
If the estate is of any size multiple executors are often needed to get the job done, and they need to get along. One of our relatives, an uncle, was wealthy but did not trust banks. He had the habit of establishing bank accounts with a few thousand dollars or so. They must have spent weeks tracing down the funds and filling out paperwork. It took about 2 years to get the estate finally settled.

As I’m now appointed as my father’s will executor, I want to say that everything can be done without an attorney. I downloaded the forms to petition the court to be appointed as executor. Then I used a title company to draw up the transfer deed for the house. I recognize that more complex scenarios might require an attorney, but most simple family estates can be done without hiring an attorney.

 

[JasperFrank]

"but most simple family estates can be done without hiring an attorney."
I repectfully disagree with this. Maybe in your case, this worked. I have also been the common man, doing simple legal things, that should be straight up. To discover later, that no, there is a huge problem, that an attorney would have found. Just saying.

 

[jyoutz]

"but most simple family estates can be done without hiring an attorney."
I repectfully disagree with this. Maybe in your case, this worked. I have also been the common man, doing simple legal things, that should be straight up. To discover later, that no, there is a huge problem, that an attorney would have found. Just saying.

I guess it depends on the laws of the state and complexity of the estate.

 

[newbury]

I guess it depends on the laws of the state and complexity of the estate.

All of the estates my wife has been executor for were moderately complex and most included one or two relatives that would steal from the church, or anyone else.

 

[Oaktree]

A bit off of the subject - but not much. While you don't want to leave a financial burden regarding funeral and related expenses, it is also a good idea to not leave your family with the task of preparing an obituary at a time they are grieving and do not need more stress and an additional burden. Preparing that can be a challenge - putting together dates, notable things to mention, and more. Some families may want to defer that to those left behind, but not me. I have had to prepare them before and would have preferred to have had at least an outline to work with.

My wife and I have discussed this, and while we haven't done so yet are planning to do so. This way it reads the way you want it to, not what someone else thinks was important about your life.

At this time I’m the executor of my father’s will. He chose to be cremated and total funeral and associated costs are about $5K.

We're looking into pre-paying for this. One less thing for our survivors to have to deal with.

 

[Joel/ak]

When my mom died in 2021 it was about 7K total. They already had the plot.

My family doesn't like to drag things out so we had the funeral at her church, viewing was for the 2 hours prior to the funeral. If someone wanted to stay, that was great or if they wanted to pay respects and leave, that was also cool.