You Know You Are Old When

[Fuddyduddy1952]

I read the local obituary every morning. If I'm not listed I have coffee and doughnuts.

 

[Sigarms]

I read the local obituary every morning. If I'm not listed I have coffee and doughnuts.

Oh I get that, I even look at the obits daily.

That said, it would be nice to know ahead of time what people are reading about me in this case because I won't be around

 

[WinterDeere]

We stopped getting a newspaper ca.2000. I haven't seen an obit that I haven't purposefully sought out, ever since. I thought that was just the way of the world today, didn't know anyone still read them!

 

[LouNY]

We still get our so called local paper in digital, to check the obituaries.

 

[Oaktree]

Decided to write my obituary this morning.

No, no plans on dying anytime in the near future, and hopefully have at least another 20 years or more, but it's something I always wanted to do.

Short, sweet and simple with the most important things I wanted to say.

Honestly, seems like talking about death can be taboo. I know my wife is the executor of her aunts will because her cousins refuse to talk about the any possibility that she could die.

I was the one who got to write my mother's obituary when she died last fall. Kind of hit home how little I knew her, other than history...very little about what made her tick, passions, triumphs, regrets, etc. (we weren't particularly close). Wife and I have discussed writing our obits, in a large part to be able to write about parts of our lives that were important to us that the other may not be aware (we were in our mid 50s when we met).

I hear ya on how many avoid the subject. There's a couple we're friends with where the wife discovered earlier this year she had cancer. It looks like she'll be OK, but she mentioned to my wife that her husband would not talk about it. They (like us) are in their mid 70s, and that day's gonna come whether we're ready or not.

 

[newbury]

I realized I was old when my underwear became less of a fashion statement and more of a filter.

Do you put carbon filters in your undies?

First time I ever had surgery a very cute nurse was inadvertently leaning with her butt against my open hand. It was all that I could do to keep from scratching it.

I "dated" several hot nurses after college. They would do things like that advertently, hoping to get a rise from the patient.
But that was the early '70's.

 

[Sigarms]

I was the one who got to write my mother's obituary when she died last fall. Kind of hit home how little I knew her, other than history...very little about what made her tick, passions, triumphs, regrets, etc. (we weren't particularly close). Wife and I have discussed writing our obits, in a large part to be able to write about parts of our lives that were important to us that the other may not be aware (we were in our mid 50s when we met).

Wife and I married in our late 30's.

My obit wasn't earth shattering news to anyone. Giving thanks to my parents, my wife, my wife's parents and my children, and my biggest regret in life which was working too much.

Ended it with Edward Everett Hale and Will Rogers, two men who were much smarter than myself and have no qualms quoting...

 

[ultrarunner]

Do you put carbon filters in your undies?

I "dated" several hot nurses after college. They would do things like that advertently, hoping to get a rise from the patient.
But that was the early '70's.

I work with many nurses but they keep getting younger.

Almost all are in long-term relationship or married... don't think there is one not married or engaged.

 

[garry1p]

I no longer receive the newspaper to check the obituary to see if I should continue with my day
so now before getting out of bed I lift the bed sheet to see if I have a tag on my big toe.
NO tag and I get out of bed knowing its going to be a good day.

 

[Fuddyduddy1952]

Reading all this I decided to write my obituary.
What do ya'll think?

The Grim Reaper took Kevin Smith by the hand kicking and screaming Saturday evening after a lifetime of medical maladys that baffled physicians and his wife Edith of 40 agonizing years.
Kevin suffered from extreme flatulence and recently retired from DuPont working in the hydrogen sulfide division.
Kevin met Edith while visiting Barnum & Bailey since she had hypertrichosis, no sense of smell and was deaf. Understandable that Edith was Kevin's first relationship.
He leaves to mourn "Plasti Swat" his bearded lizard, his collection of electric shavers and a worn out La-Z-Boy recliner since he had Kleine-Levin Syndrome as well as Cotard delusion which explains why Edith waited so long before calling for assistance as well as being deaf and not remembering the number for 911.
Kevin was proud to tell about the day he cleared out Yankee Stadium with his trimethylaminuria, even proudest since he could pronounce it.
In a large crowd Kevin would grab women blaming it on Alien Hand Syndrome so the doctors suggested he take up painting where he developed symptoms of Stendahl's Syndrome.
He decided to vacation once in Papua New Guinea and back home couldn't stop laughing. He was finally diagnosed with Kuru after revealing having brains & eggs for breakfast.
Kevin led an interesting albeit boring life and thankfully Earth will be a more fragrant place from his demise.
Family will receive guests at the deceased home...please wear a mask you'll thank Edith later. Kevin will be cremated and guests will be served Edith's smoked salmon hors d'oeuvres.