Bird
Rest in Peace
Dear Diary:
May 30th:
Just moved to Dallas, Texas ...Now this is a city that knows how to live!! Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. Mountains and deserts blend together. What a place! Watched the sunset from a park lying on a blanket. It was beautiful. I've finally found my home. I love it here.
June 14th:
Really heating up. Got to 100 today. Not a problem. Live in an air conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to see the sun every day like this. I'm turning into a real sun worshipper.
June 30th:
Had the backyard landscaped with western plants today. Lots of cactus and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing for me. Another scorcher today, but I love it here.
July 10th:
The temperature hasn't been below 100 all week. How do people get used to this kind of heat? At least it's nice and windy though. But getting used to it is taking longer than I expected.
July 15th:
Fell asleep by the pool. Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body. Missed two days of work, what a dumb thing to do. I learned my lesson though. Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.
July 20th:
I missed Morgan (our cat) sneaking into the car when I left this morning. By the time I got out to the hot car for lunch, Morgan had swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and exploded all over $2,000 worth of leather upholstery. I told the kids she ran away. The car now smells like Kibbles and Sh___!! No more pets in this heat!!
July 25th:
This wind sucks. It feels like a giant freaking blow dryer!! And it's hot as hades. The home air-conditioner is on the fritz and AC repairman charged $200 just to drive by and tell me he needed to order parts.
July 30th:
Been sleeping outside by the pool for three nights now. $1,500 in freakin house payments and we can't even go inside. Why did I ever come here?
Aug 4th:
It's 115 degrees. Finally got the air conditioner fixed today. It cost $500 and gets the temperature down to about 90. Stupid repairman pee'd in my pool. I hate this stupid city.
Aug 8th:
If another wise ___ cracks, "Hot enough for you today?", I'm going to tear his throat out. Stinkin' heat. By the time I get to work the radiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet, and I smell like roasted freaking Garfield!!
Aug 9th:
Tried to run some errands after work. Wore shorts and sat on the black leather seating in the ol' car. I thought my butt was on fire. I lost two layers of flesh. Now my car smells like burnt butt and fried cat.
Aug 10th:
The weather report might as well be a recording: Hot and sunny. It's been too hot to do anything for two months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week. Doesn't it ever rain in this barren desert? Water rationing will be next so $1,700 worth of cactus just might dry up and blow into the freakin' pool. Even a cactus can't live in this heat.
Aug 14:
Welcome to Hell!! Temperature got to 113 today. Forgot to crack the window and blew the windshield out of the Lincoln. The installer came to fix it and said, "Hot enough for you today?" My wife had to spend the $1,500 house payment to bail me out of jail.
Bird
May 30th:
Just moved to Dallas, Texas ...Now this is a city that knows how to live!! Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. Mountains and deserts blend together. What a place! Watched the sunset from a park lying on a blanket. It was beautiful. I've finally found my home. I love it here.
June 14th:
Really heating up. Got to 100 today. Not a problem. Live in an air conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to see the sun every day like this. I'm turning into a real sun worshipper.
June 30th:
Had the backyard landscaped with western plants today. Lots of cactus and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing for me. Another scorcher today, but I love it here.
July 10th:
The temperature hasn't been below 100 all week. How do people get used to this kind of heat? At least it's nice and windy though. But getting used to it is taking longer than I expected.
July 15th:
Fell asleep by the pool. Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body. Missed two days of work, what a dumb thing to do. I learned my lesson though. Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.
July 20th:
I missed Morgan (our cat) sneaking into the car when I left this morning. By the time I got out to the hot car for lunch, Morgan had swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and exploded all over $2,000 worth of leather upholstery. I told the kids she ran away. The car now smells like Kibbles and Sh___!! No more pets in this heat!!
July 25th:
This wind sucks. It feels like a giant freaking blow dryer!! And it's hot as hades. The home air-conditioner is on the fritz and AC repairman charged $200 just to drive by and tell me he needed to order parts.
July 30th:
Been sleeping outside by the pool for three nights now. $1,500 in freakin house payments and we can't even go inside. Why did I ever come here?
Aug 4th:
It's 115 degrees. Finally got the air conditioner fixed today. It cost $500 and gets the temperature down to about 90. Stupid repairman pee'd in my pool. I hate this stupid city.
Aug 8th:
If another wise ___ cracks, "Hot enough for you today?", I'm going to tear his throat out. Stinkin' heat. By the time I get to work the radiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet, and I smell like roasted freaking Garfield!!
Aug 9th:
Tried to run some errands after work. Wore shorts and sat on the black leather seating in the ol' car. I thought my butt was on fire. I lost two layers of flesh. Now my car smells like burnt butt and fried cat.
Aug 10th:
The weather report might as well be a recording: Hot and sunny. It's been too hot to do anything for two months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week. Doesn't it ever rain in this barren desert? Water rationing will be next so $1,700 worth of cactus just might dry up and blow into the freakin' pool. Even a cactus can't live in this heat.
Aug 14:
Welcome to Hell!! Temperature got to 113 today. Forgot to crack the window and blew the windshield out of the Lincoln. The installer came to fix it and said, "Hot enough for you today?" My wife had to spend the $1,500 house payment to bail me out of jail.
Bird
