Subject: Cow Economics
A CHRISTIAN: You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor.
A SOCIALIST: You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to
your neighbor.
A REPUBLICAN: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So what?
A DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for
being successful. You vote people into office who tax your cows, forcing
you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for
then take the tax money and buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You
feel righteous.
A COMMUNIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you
with milk.
A FASCIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and sells you the
milk. You join the underground and start a campaign of sabotage.
DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government taxes you to
the
point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has
only one cow, which was a gift from your government.
CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull and
build a herd of cows.
BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government takes them
both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, then pour the
milk down the drain.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the
other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow
drops dead.
A FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want
three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are an
eleventh the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
A GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You reengineer them so they live
for 100 years, eat once a month and milk themselves.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows but you don't know where they
are. You break for lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have
five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them
again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another
bottle of vodka.
A MEXICAN CORPORATION: You think you have two cows, but you're not sure
where they are. You'll look for them tomorrow.
A SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5000 cows, none of which belongs to you. You
charge for storing them for others.
A BRAZILIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You enter into a partnership
with an American corporation. Soon you have 1000 cows and the American
corporation declares bankruptcy.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You worship them.
A TALIBAN ORGANIZATION: You have two cows. You load them up with
explosives and herd them onto your neighbor's property where you blow them
up. Your neighbor dies. You starve to death.
And now, the "ENRON STYLE": You have two cows. You borrow 80% of the
forward value of the two cows from your bank, then buy another cow with 5%
down and the rest financed by the seller on a note callable if your market
cap goes below $20B at a rate 2 times prime. You now sell three cows to
your publicly listed company, using Letters of Credit opened by your
brother-in-law at a 2nd bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an
associated general offer so that you get four cows back, with a tax
exemption for five cows. The milk rights of six cows are transferred via an
intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority
shareholder, who sells the rights to seven cows back to your listed
company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option
on one more and this transaction process is upheld by your independent
auditor. The Balance Sheet provided with the press release that announces
that Enron, as a major owner of cows, will begin trading cows via the
Internet site www.COW.com (cows on web). You find out that you never owned
the original two cows, file for bankrupcy protection and your key
executives start committing suicide rather than testify before
Congressional committees.
A CHRISTIAN: You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor.
A SOCIALIST: You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to
your neighbor.
A REPUBLICAN: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So what?
A DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for
being successful. You vote people into office who tax your cows, forcing
you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for
then take the tax money and buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You
feel righteous.
A COMMUNIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you
with milk.
A FASCIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and sells you the
milk. You join the underground and start a campaign of sabotage.
DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government taxes you to
the
point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has
only one cow, which was a gift from your government.
CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull and
build a herd of cows.
BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government takes them
both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, then pour the
milk down the drain.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the
other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow
drops dead.
A FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want
three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are an
eleventh the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
A GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You reengineer them so they live
for 100 years, eat once a month and milk themselves.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows but you don't know where they
are. You break for lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have
five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them
again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another
bottle of vodka.
A MEXICAN CORPORATION: You think you have two cows, but you're not sure
where they are. You'll look for them tomorrow.
A SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5000 cows, none of which belongs to you. You
charge for storing them for others.
A BRAZILIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You enter into a partnership
with an American corporation. Soon you have 1000 cows and the American
corporation declares bankruptcy.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You worship them.
A TALIBAN ORGANIZATION: You have two cows. You load them up with
explosives and herd them onto your neighbor's property where you blow them
up. Your neighbor dies. You starve to death.
And now, the "ENRON STYLE": You have two cows. You borrow 80% of the
forward value of the two cows from your bank, then buy another cow with 5%
down and the rest financed by the seller on a note callable if your market
cap goes below $20B at a rate 2 times prime. You now sell three cows to
your publicly listed company, using Letters of Credit opened by your
brother-in-law at a 2nd bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an
associated general offer so that you get four cows back, with a tax
exemption for five cows. The milk rights of six cows are transferred via an
intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority
shareholder, who sells the rights to seven cows back to your listed
company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option
on one more and this transaction process is upheld by your independent
auditor. The Balance Sheet provided with the press release that announces
that Enron, as a major owner of cows, will begin trading cows via the
Internet site www.COW.com (cows on web). You find out that you never owned
the original two cows, file for bankrupcy protection and your key
executives start committing suicide rather than testify before
Congressional committees.