Funeral Costs

[GeneV]

Yep . He’s referring to a “different” Catholic Church.

Mel Gibson's Catholic church.

 

[tradosaurus]

Yep . He’s referring to a “different” Catholic Church.

I went to a Vatican 2 semenary in 1986. Thank goodness I got out of that religion and became Catholic.

 

[Wagtail]

Catholic Church has allowed cremation since 1963. They do not want the ashes scattered or divided up amongst loved ones, etc., scattered at sea, or kept in an urn in a home. They want the ashes kept together and buried in a cemetery, mausoleum, or other acceptable place of respect.

I know that the local RC and my own Anglican Church have a 'columbarium' for ashes & urns on the grounds.

 

[MossRoad]

I know that the local RC and my own Anglican Church have a 'columbarium' for ashes & urns on the grounds.

Thanks, that's the word I couldn't remember.

 

[Sigarms]

Mo, a belated sorry to hear for your loss.

While it's annoying to see this thread bumped by a spammer, I'm glad I had a chance to read it. It's always a shocker, seeing how much dying costs.

I told the wife that when I go I want to be a tree, to hell with the funeral industrial complex.

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My father died last summer at age 90. He lived with us for 4 years.

Funeral home in NC to handle the cremation and paperwork $2,300

Funeral home in Pennsylvania to handle memorial service and taking care of logistics to the national cemetery $1,400

Burial at a National cemetery to be laid to rest with my mom in Pennsylvania $0

Lunch after the short service at the cemetery with open bar $1,300 (not bad for 60 to 70 people IMO).

Obituary in small local Pa newspaper $500

Donation to the priest who came to the service $200 (my dad wanted my cousin to do his service as he's a priest but had covid at the time, in hindsight, without my cousin there, we really did not need one there).

Total out the door under 6K

Ironically enough, as abrasive as a human as I can be, I've found funeral homes no different than real estate agents selling a home. People are quick to bash the professions, or people working in that profession, but having buried both my father and son last year, as well as buying our home 18 years ago along with selling my fathers home 4 years ago (while my dad lived with us 500 miles away from his home), I've found both professions priceless and the people who worked with myself and my wife invaluable for the services they offered.

I do remember when my aunt died in Pennsylvania about 11 years ago as I was the executor of her will. She didn't have much in savings, but she did take care of her funeral beforehand which I was extremely grateful for. Total costs however even back then for her as to what she paid for everything was about $8,000, but that was basically for the cemetery along with the funeral home only.

When it comes to our shells after we leave this life, I sincerely believe that with everything going on in the world, what is more important is how you lead your life and treat others. "Dust to dust", and given time, even our own earthly world will become dust.

My one aunt even told me "oh, you know the Russian Orthodox church doesn't allow cremation" when she found out the "plans" for my father. Well, first of all, my father was raised Roman Catholic and got kicked out of his church and was disowned for some time by some of his siblings for marrying a woman of Russian Orthodox faith, and he never converted to Russian Orthodox to begin with LOL

As I've gotten older I've come to understand that organized religion is run by men, not the God I know. And, as my cousin (who is a Russian Orthodox priest) told me, no where in the bible does it state that your body can't be cremated. Honestly, with all the crap going on in this world, if you really think what becomes of your body determines what happens to your soul, knock yourself out in your beliefs, but don't cast judgement on others. I would like to believe the God I've come to understand would actually like you to donate your body to science, but my fear is I get some young medical student that had my personality when I was his age and uses some part of my anatomy (or my body) as some kind of prank

If you have accumulated any type of worldly wealth or possessions of value, I would do more than just a will, but also highly suggest set up a family trust. After my father passed, my parents already had a trust set up and it made my families life so much easier than having to deal with the court system. If anything should happen to myself or my wife, a good friend of mine who I would trust with my life is listed as the executor of our trust to help our 18 year old son (good kid IMO and I would hire him where I work in a heartbeat due to his work ethic, but he has other plans which is a good thing when he graduates high school) but there is no reason to burden him with any of this IMO for at least another 10-15 years if anything should happen to both my wife and I at the same time.

When my FIL passed two years ago, the biggest pain in the butt "thing" to deal with was a small od $700 trailer that was registered in his name only when they moved to NC from Vermont. No trust, simple will. However, having to deal with the court system and the NC DMV over that small trailer became a nightmare for both my wife and her mother.

 

[Sigarms]

Hey there! I'm new to this forum, but I'd love to share my experience with funeral costs. When my grandma passed away last year, we had a traditional service for her at the nearby funeral service. The overall cost, including the burial and a beautiful monument, was around $10k. It was definitely an emotional time for our family, but we wanted to give her a proper farewell. We also want to get her a monument. We've already found **********************, but we're still looking for options to compare. Anyway, just my 2 cents.

Seriously, first post?

 

[bmg88201]

Funerals are for the living not the dead. My dad told me he wanted the cheapest funeral possible for him. He said don’t piss away the money I’m leaving you on a funeral. Only thing in a casket is a pile of bones. I’m gonna be cremated and could care less if my ashes are put in the cat’s litter box. I ain’t on this planet anymore. Our souls go back to God awaiting judgement.

 

[5030]

Both of ours are prepaid actually. Even the headstone is set. Not a big plot as it will only be ashes in urns anyway.

 

[dmccarty]

A family member died late last year and to handle the cremation, a handful of death certificates, and urn was around $3,500. Since COVID was listed on the death certificate part, or all, I can't remember how much, of the funeral cost was picked up by the US taxpayer/FEMA.

Funny thing, is we only had to send copies of the death certificates. Go figure.

There are certain professions that take special kinds of people to do the work, police, firefighters, paramedics, doctors, nurses, military service, and funeral home workers. I don't know how the people in the funeral home go to work each day but I am thankful they are there.

 

[dmccarty]

We have family members who bought a plot many decades ago. They have died but their ashes are at a relative's house because they wanted their ashes handled differently than put in that plot they bought. Not sure the people holding the ashes will handle the ashes as requested due to health issues and I suspect I will be left with the cremains and the unused plots.

The funny thing is that most of the family used to live near the cemetery but almost EVERYONE in the family has moved to other states, far, far away.

I suspect I will put the cremains in that plots someday or have to sell of the plots.

Another family member is buried in a family plot in a very small town, in different state, with only a few very distant family members left in the area. Some family members made it a point, when sorta traveling near by, to take fake flowers to the cemetery once a year but as their health declined the visits stopped.

My wife's family has been in one area for many generations and has a large family plot in a cemetery. Recent deaths have not been buried but are still at "home" while others had the cremains buried on the family land.

Read this the other day and it stuck with me since it is sooooo true and I have seen it over and over and over.

All Graves Go Unvisited In The End

 

[bmg88201]

I always wondered what happens to empty plots that go unfilled. I have very very distant kin folk that have plots near me. They have all moved away decades ago and are buried in other states. So do those empty plots that they owned here stay empty forever ?

 

[bmg88201]

I plan on getting cremated, why spend all that money on a plot, casket and funeral arrangements. That money could go to family to use in a more useful way. I told my kin folk to take my ashes out in the desert back home in Roswell NM and spread them over the jack rabbits, tarantulas and cactus.

 

[3Ts]

On the pre arranged and paid for funerals - be sure someone knows where the paperwork is. My uncle pre-paid his funeral and showed it to his sister, but kept the paperwork somewhere. He had no kids and his sister did not know where the paperwork was, the funeral home denied that he'd pre-paid and since she didn't know where the paperwork was, they had to pay again.

 

[Fuddyduddy1952]

My grandfather passed in 1985, wanted to be cremated, ashes scattered on his farm.
He was cremated but grandmother didn't like the scattered ashes idea so she had the urn buried! That was expensive because of excavation, a concrete vault, headstone.
She's buried next to him in a vault and coffin.
I wish I could just crawl off into the woods!

 

[ultrarunner]

Engraving the existing urn is a monumental stumbling block not even on my radar...

It took 11 weeks and had to be sent out where for 70 years it was done in house so Dad had to come out, etc.

The problem is by week 10 all the grandchildren had left for college and mom's priest who she really liked retired and moved back to Ireland and family that was coming no longer could.

Incomprehensible to me how a few letters could be so disruptive... and it was all paid on the spot at $35 per letter...

 

[Alan W.]

At my great aunts funeral which I arranged according to her wishes she sprang a leak.
The funeral home quickly shut the casket and the service was abbreviated.
That funeral didnt cost much at all after our talk.
The very old cemetery at our church has lots of gravesites marked with sandstone rocks. No one knows if they were gravestones for those that couldnt afford better or simply a plot marker.

 

[Fuddyduddy1952]

I had a panic attack at my friend's grandmother's funeral. He chose me as one of the pallbearers, all five of us were 6ft+ except one 5ft little Irish fellow. Of course I was in the back across from the Irishman.
The grandmother was quite "hefty". It had rained and the gravesite was downhill and I had on a suit and flat-sole dress shoes.
We pick up the casket...Irishman and all.
I'm going down this embankment sweating bullets, heavy weight, walking on ice remembering all the sleigh rides my friend and I had as kids and this will be a doozie!
Somehow we made it though, although I think my left arm is longer than my right to this day.

 

[bmg88201]

I know everybody is different when it comes to funerals and how to treat the dead. But it seems such a waste of money to spend thousands on a casket that will just rot anyway. Or in an over priced tomb, like that’s going preserve someone. And then there is the high dollar granite tomb stone that costs thousands. A century or two from now everybody that even knew that person is now dead and that fancy stone is covered with moss and bird poop.

But I do get it, for a lot of folks the Funeral service is for closure.

 

[Fuddyduddy1952]

I know everybody is different when it comes to funerals and how to treat the dead. But it seems such a waste of money to spend thousands on a casket that will just rot anyway. Or in an over priced tomb, like that’s going preserve someone. And then there is the high dollar granite tomb stone that costs thousands. A century or two from now everybody that even knew that person is now dead and that fancy stone is covered with moss and bird poop.

But I do get it, for a lot of folks the Funeral service is for closure.

Good points, and the bad thing to me is the survivors are upset then the funeral home naturally tries selling the "really nicest casket/flowers/funeral/tombstone" for the dearly departed. "Of course you want the best for your spouse, sibling, child, parent".
Others may think we're wrong...but my wife & I never once visited our relatives grave, put flowers on it, etc. Not one time.
To get to our place the first road turnoff is a very, very large cemetery that even has a pet section. Acres of graves and a mausoleum.
We have neighbors & friends who's parents are laid to rest there and we see them all the time placing flowers there and talking "to them"! Their (parents) are not there! The remains are but they've moved on! Then we see this huge and I do mean huge pile of flowers in dumpsters because the cemetery workers take them up throwing them away.
Tonight passing by it's just getting dark and there are solar lights everywhere people put on graves!
Why?
Be nice to people while they're alive!