priorities

[rockinmywaypa]

priorities

Hi guys, I've been gone since dec 1 and am just getting caught back up. Boy is this site active. On that day I did chores as usual and went to work also as usual, what was not usual was when I got home. Walked in to find that my wife had had her brothers move everything that she believed to be more hers than mine out and took the kids[12 and 9] to a new residence. I never expected it other than we have not been getting along["Communicating"] for a very long time. It's been a long 2 and 1/2 weeks but things are falling into a new kind of normal. The boys have been here about half the time, and their minds have been tossed into chaos, but they know none of it was their fault and they are loved by both parents. By the time this is all settled I could end up losing the farm [and tractor] but for now she say's not. Christmas isnot going to be real happy this year but the boys and I are doing the best we can. Anyhow, I just wanted to let you all know how much tbn was missed and it'll take me awhile to catch up on the stuff I've been missing out on, I'am a whole lot busier now although cooking and cleaning is not that big a deal contrary to what I've been listening to in the past. HAVE A GOOD CHRISTMAS EVERYONE HERE you are some of the best that this earth has to offer.
Ron

 

[DannyD]

Re: priorities

Oh man what a shock! Make a mental eval of what is important as far as possessions and work to protect those, forget the rest. Remember anything can be replaced in time. As for the kids, love them more and more, and whatever the cost when you have them spend that time with them. Never let them see mommy and daddy fighting over things. This is not their fight, but let them know what is going on as the need arises..

Hope that it works out for you. Please keep us updated as you see fit or need too.

Kids and their feelings are the most important "thing" to protect............at all costs.

 

[Robert_in_NY]

Re: priorities

I am sorry to hear about your problems. I have the same thing going on (well similar) and mine started either on the 1st or 2nd of December. My wife to be decided to go back to her sons father and I am on my own again. We get along still but I don't get to see my 4month old every day anymore. I try to see her as much as possible and make sure I visit at least every other day till we get her ready to take a bottle so I can have her more often. I feel for you and what you are going thru and if you want to talk just send me a PM. For some reason this Christmas just doesn't seem jolly.

 

[Inspector507]

Re: priorities

Ron/Robert,
I feel for both of you. It is a tough time for kids when they have to go through Mom's or Dad's problems. I have been where both of you are right now. Just make sure the kids are taken care of and know that they are loved. NEVER EVER speak an ill word of their Mom in front of them. You can have your own feelings and thoughts, but some are just not meant to be shared. Spend as much time with your kids as you can.
Holidays can be very trying and hard for separated parents to try to figure out. Just keep the kids happiness and interests in mind. One of my boys was very distant (in feelings) to me for years. Now, they both will call me at the first hint of good news, they want me to know first.

 

[SPIKER]

Re: priorities

I had something similar happen to me, every thing was raranged to go back home for x-mas at last minute she backed out saying she didn't FEEL like it but that I needed to go and take the presents home to my family. I staied only 4 days and was heading back to a home which had been emptied except for the things her & her new male friend could not move or was worthless. things like my clothing was simply tossed onto the floor with anything she didn't want. even the stuff which was MINE prior to the 2.5 yr marrage was taken. stuff which was mine on rental from renta-center was taken too. I SHOULD have called police and file a report then and there. you should too. regardless if she feels it was mostly HERS it is joint property untill divided by the courts. as it stood I got all the pills and she got all the things she bought stole and or kept. possession is 9/10ths of the law, if you don't reort it missing (even if taken by spouse) then you may not be intitled to it even if it is still owed for.


anyhow the kids are very important. is she still in same school district? things like this CAN and DO matter in these sort of things. also what does the KIDS want? but like others said don't let the kids see you calling her names or talking bad about her of fighting with her... I luckly DIDN'T have any.

anyhow I wish you LUCK in everythign pertaining to the problems at hand.

Mark M /forums/images/graemlins/frown.gif

 

[Robert_in_NY]

Re: priorities

I agree, there is no reason to use kids to play mind games against the other parent. Right now Aiden is terribly confused because I have been his father for the last 16 months. Now I am gone and his real father is in my place who Aiden hardly even knows. His dad expects Aiden to be the perfect son to him all of the sudden and all he has done so far is scared Aiden to the point he is afraid of his dad. Ava is only 4 months and she gets to see all the people who love her on a regular basis. Aiden is 4 years old and doesn't get to see me much at all anymore because of this. He is so confused right now and I can't do anything about it other then to tell him that things will be ok and that I still love him. Kids have a hard enough time with divorce and seperations without having to be pawns for the parents as well.

 

[slydog]

Re: priorities

Been there twice! The first one at least left me my kids. The last one took everything I had. Thank God I didn't have kids with her! I'll have to reiterate what the others have said about keeping the kids out of it. Never let them hear you say a cross word about their other parent. They love you both, and need to know that they are still the most important things to you. Life will get better though you may not see that right now. Best of luck to you all, and you are in my prayers.

Ken

Ken

 

[rockinmywaypa]

Re: priorities

Thanks everyone for the good advise. My 9 yr old is awfully mixed up right now and having a hard time with it, the older one is doing better but is also feeling really ripped off. He'd prefer to be here on the farm fulltime but after the new year that's not an option since I was only on day shift to train for anoyher position which is on my regular night shift so nobody will be here at night to watch them. They are still going to come here everyday off the school bus so I will see them then until their mother picks them up after her work. And i'll have them all day anytime they are not actually in school,come on snow days, I might even rent out a room to some responsible college student and then the boys could probably stay here during the week some nights. There are options that might work. Anyhow Thanks for listening, it's a relief just to be able to share the load a little.

 

[roho]

Re: priorities

Ok, Guys, Here is some free advise from "BEEN THERE DONE THAT!" Been almost 30 yr since my Big Split UP with a 3 yrs old involved! I echo everyone on "Don't put the kids in middle!" but Don't let this be The whole point of life either! My advise to you about U'r soon to be X, Treat her like a used car salesman! Polite but don't believe everything she says! Have a place U'r kids can call theirs/room & toys! Always be available for the kids, not the X! The main thing is to remember this is part of U'r live not U'r whole life! Don't let it assume U'r whole being! With friends & aquantiances, they want to know what happened but don't want to hear about it everytime they see you! BTW, this is not stuff I learned while being wise and settin on top of the mountain but I learned by experience! Good luck and remember there will be better days! PS: I would never had met this GRANDdaughter & 2+ more if I hadn't went throu what U guys are going throu now!Well anyway failed on attempt to put pic in! roho

 

[ByronBob]

Re: priorities

Have nothing better to add but I've been there and feel for you. Time is the best healer I know. Your alive and still kickin so don't stop livin. Your good parents and your kids will survive so keep doing the best you can and you'll be fine. Happy Holidays and smile /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif