Rules for collecting Triumphs et al........
Written by Roger Welsh, (inflicted on the internet by Doug T the
internet annoyance)
Rules for collecting Triumphs........or MBI, (Multiple Bike Illness):
RULE #1 Collect only one model of Triumph, Nothing but Bonnevilles or
TR6's for example.
When all your Triumphs are the same color and shape
it’s harder (if not impossible) for anyone to figure out how many Triumphs you actually own.
RULE#2 Never line up your Triumphs, EVER!
Nothing distresses a difficult spouse more than seeing 12 old Triumphs lined up looking for the entire world like a pile of burning hundred dollar bills. Scatter the Triumphs around: A couple behind the garage, one or two in the garage, another beside the garage, maybe a couple at a friend's house. That way, It is not possible for anyone (If you know who I mean) to see more than one or two or even three from any perspective. Your hobby will be less "irritating" that way.
RULE#3 For pretty much the same reason, don’t number your Triumphs.
Give them names. You'd be surprised how much less trouble you will have if you talk about "Scarlet Spit" instead of number 23.
RULE #4 Early in collecting Triumphs buy a bike you don’t want.... then
sell it as quickly as you can.
Don't worry about making any money on the transaction, the main thing is to buy a Triumph and get rid of it. Then you can say, "Yes, my sweet, I do have six Triumphs in the garage while your car is out in the weather. That doesn't mean I will ALWAYS have six Triumphs; Remember the one I just got rid of? I'm thinking of selling another any day now so we can put your car in the garage" If you have a friend who collects Triumphs, make arrangements for him to drop off a Triumph now and again, That way you can say----If anyone asks---that you bought it. Then have him haul it off again and say you sold it. With this system, you establish your reputation for moderation.
RULE #5 Pay for your Triumphs with cashier checks, Postal Money
Orders or cash.
This leaves far less evidence than checks drawn on the family account.
RULE #6 Now and then, buy a wreck for parts even if you don’t need the
parts.
In fact, you might consider hauling a wreck or two home on the same
trailer whenever you buy a good Triumph. This is called "liability averaging". If your significant other says something about having enough money for yet another Triumph (but not enough for a new refrigerator) point out indignantly to the Triumphs on the trailer: The beautiful one, solid and in running condition for which you paid $1,500 and the rusted hulks you got for $50 each. then huff,"Snookums, I got those for a little more than $500 each and the one on the back is easily worth $2,000 This is a tidy profit of $400" (See RULE #7)
Doesn’t this make you sound like an investment wizard??
RULE #7 When things get critical, consider dragging home a Triumph
without a transmission or rear wheel.
If there’s a complaint. you say, "Triumph? What Triumph? That’s not a Triumph....that's only a basket case... not even close to being a Triumph."
RULE #8 Have a dealer or a friend call you now and then when you are
not at home (and tell your spouse), "Bob told me to keep an eye on the
Triumph going at auction on Saturday, but it sold for $5,000.
I know there’s no way a financially cautious and responsible guy like Bob would ever pay that much, so I didn't even make a bid on it for him". Not only will this make you look real good, but next time you
buy a Triumph, say something like,"Luvibear, this beauty only cost me
$1,000 which means we are $4,000 ahead of where we'd have been if I’d
gotten the one before. If I keep saving money like this, we'll be
able to afford to go on a Caribbean cruise next winter." If you say it fast enough, it just might work.
RULE #9 If your mate insults your work calling it RESTORATION?, laugh
a lighthearted laugh making it clear that triumphs are not to you what
shoes are to Imelda Marcos.
Should you get to the point where your mate asks, "Who do you love
more, me or your Triumphs?” You are on your own
This piece was written by Roger Welsh (who collects antique tractors in
Nebraska) and modified to run in the TRSC Triumph Tribune, the Western
Pennsylvania triumph owners’ association newsletter, The British
Motorcar club of Southern New Mexico’s MGB Driver, on and on many other
publications. It was transcribed it from an old issue of the
Triumph International Owners Club (TIOC). If forwarded please give credit to the writer: Roger Welsh. And a closing note from John Healy editor of the TIOC Remember that what’s good for the goose is good for the gander, and don’t get caught caressing your triumph!"
Written by Roger Welsh, (inflicted on the internet by Doug T the
internet annoyance)
Rules for collecting Triumphs........or MBI, (Multiple Bike Illness):
RULE #1 Collect only one model of Triumph, Nothing but Bonnevilles or
TR6's for example.
When all your Triumphs are the same color and shape
it’s harder (if not impossible) for anyone to figure out how many Triumphs you actually own.
RULE#2 Never line up your Triumphs, EVER!
Nothing distresses a difficult spouse more than seeing 12 old Triumphs lined up looking for the entire world like a pile of burning hundred dollar bills. Scatter the Triumphs around: A couple behind the garage, one or two in the garage, another beside the garage, maybe a couple at a friend's house. That way, It is not possible for anyone (If you know who I mean) to see more than one or two or even three from any perspective. Your hobby will be less "irritating" that way.
RULE#3 For pretty much the same reason, don’t number your Triumphs.
Give them names. You'd be surprised how much less trouble you will have if you talk about "Scarlet Spit" instead of number 23.
RULE #4 Early in collecting Triumphs buy a bike you don’t want.... then
sell it as quickly as you can.
Don't worry about making any money on the transaction, the main thing is to buy a Triumph and get rid of it. Then you can say, "Yes, my sweet, I do have six Triumphs in the garage while your car is out in the weather. That doesn't mean I will ALWAYS have six Triumphs; Remember the one I just got rid of? I'm thinking of selling another any day now so we can put your car in the garage" If you have a friend who collects Triumphs, make arrangements for him to drop off a Triumph now and again, That way you can say----If anyone asks---that you bought it. Then have him haul it off again and say you sold it. With this system, you establish your reputation for moderation.
RULE #5 Pay for your Triumphs with cashier checks, Postal Money
Orders or cash.
This leaves far less evidence than checks drawn on the family account.
RULE #6 Now and then, buy a wreck for parts even if you don’t need the
parts.
In fact, you might consider hauling a wreck or two home on the same
trailer whenever you buy a good Triumph. This is called "liability averaging". If your significant other says something about having enough money for yet another Triumph (but not enough for a new refrigerator) point out indignantly to the Triumphs on the trailer: The beautiful one, solid and in running condition for which you paid $1,500 and the rusted hulks you got for $50 each. then huff,"Snookums, I got those for a little more than $500 each and the one on the back is easily worth $2,000 This is a tidy profit of $400" (See RULE #7)
Doesn’t this make you sound like an investment wizard??
RULE #7 When things get critical, consider dragging home a Triumph
without a transmission or rear wheel.
If there’s a complaint. you say, "Triumph? What Triumph? That’s not a Triumph....that's only a basket case... not even close to being a Triumph."
RULE #8 Have a dealer or a friend call you now and then when you are
not at home (and tell your spouse), "Bob told me to keep an eye on the
Triumph going at auction on Saturday, but it sold for $5,000.
I know there’s no way a financially cautious and responsible guy like Bob would ever pay that much, so I didn't even make a bid on it for him". Not only will this make you look real good, but next time you
buy a Triumph, say something like,"Luvibear, this beauty only cost me
$1,000 which means we are $4,000 ahead of where we'd have been if I’d
gotten the one before. If I keep saving money like this, we'll be
able to afford to go on a Caribbean cruise next winter." If you say it fast enough, it just might work.
RULE #9 If your mate insults your work calling it RESTORATION?, laugh
a lighthearted laugh making it clear that triumphs are not to you what
shoes are to Imelda Marcos.
Should you get to the point where your mate asks, "Who do you love
more, me or your Triumphs?” You are on your own
This piece was written by Roger Welsh (who collects antique tractors in
Nebraska) and modified to run in the TRSC Triumph Tribune, the Western
Pennsylvania triumph owners’ association newsletter, The British
Motorcar club of Southern New Mexico’s MGB Driver, on and on many other
publications. It was transcribed it from an old issue of the
Triumph International Owners Club (TIOC). If forwarded please give credit to the writer: Roger Welsh. And a closing note from John Healy editor of the TIOC Remember that what’s good for the goose is good for the gander, and don’t get caught caressing your triumph!"