RobS
Super Member
The mention of hotel soaps in the deer-away thread reminded me of this funny...
> The following letters are taken from an actual incident between a
> London hotel and one of its guests. The Hotel ended up submitting the
> letters to the London Sunday Times.
> -------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Dear Maid,
> Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my bathroom
> since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial. Please remove the six
unopened
> little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest and another three in
> the shower soap dish. They are in my way.
>
> Thank you,
> S. Berman
>
> -------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Dear Room 635,
> I am not your regular maid. She will be back tomorrow, Thursday, from her
> day off. I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap dish as you
> requested. The 6 bars on your shelf I took out of your way and put on top
> of your Kleenex dispenser in case you should change your mind. This
leaves
> only the 3 bars I left today which my instructions from the management is
> to leave 3 soaps daily. I hope this is satisfactory.
>
> Kathy, Relief Maid
>
> -------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Dear Maid - I hope you are my regular maid.
> Apparently Kathy did not tell you about my note to her concerning the
> little bars of soap. When I got back to my room this evening I found you
> had added 3 little Camays to the shelf under my medicine cabinet. I am
> going to be here in the hotel for two weeks and have brought my own
> bath-size Dial so I won't need those 6 little Camays which are on the
> shelf. They are in my way when shaving, brushing teeth, etc. Please
remove
> them.
>
> S. Berman
>
> -------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Dear Mr. Berman,
> My day off was last Wed. so the relief maid left 3 hotel soaps which we
are
> instructed by the management. I took the 6 soaps which were in your way
on
> the shelf and put them in the soap dish where your Dial was. I put the
Dial
> in the medicine cabinet for your convenience. I didn't remove the 3
> complimentary soaps which are always placed inside the medicine cabinet
for
> all new check-ins and which you did not object to when you checked in
last
> Monday. Please let me know if I can of further assistance.
>
> Your regular maid,
> Dotty
>
> -------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Dear Mr. Berman,
> The assistant manager, Mr. Kensedder, informed me this morning that you
> called him last evening and said you were unhappy with your maid service.
I
> have assigned a new girl to your room. I hope you will accept my
apologies
> for any past inconvenience. If you have any future complaints please
> contact me so I can give it my personal attention. Call extension 1108
> between 8AM and 5PM. Thank you.
>
> Elaine Carmen
> Housekeeper
>
> -------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Dear Miss Carmen,
> It is impossible to contact you by phone since I leave the hotel for
> business at 7:45 AM and don't get back before 5:30 or 6PM. That's the
> reason I called Mr. Kensedder last night. You were already off duty. I
> only asked Mr. Kensedder if he could do anything about those little bars
of
> soap. The new maid you assigned me must have thought I was a new check-in
> today, since she left another 3 bars of hotel soap in my medicine cabinet
> along with her regular delivery of 3 bars on the bathroom shelf. In just
5
> days here I have accumulated 24 little bars of soap. Why are you doing
this
> to me?
>
> S. Berman
>
> -------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Dear Mr. Berman,
> Your maid, Kathy, has been instructed to stop delivering soap to your
room
> and remove the extra soaps. If I can be of further assistance, please
call
> extension 1108 between 8AM and 5PM.
>
> Thank you,
> Elaine Carmen, Housekeeper
>
> -------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Dear Mr. Kensedder,
>
> My bath-size Dial is missing. Every bar of soap was taken from my room
> including my own bath-size Dial. I came in late last night and had to
call
> the bellhop to bring me 4 little Cashmere Bouquets.
>
> S. Berman
>
> -------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Dear Mr. Berman,
> I have informed our housekeeper, Elaine Carmen, of your soap proble/m. I
> cannot understand why there was no soap in your room since our maids are
> instructed to leave 3 bars of soap each time they service a room. The
> situation will be rectified immediately. Please accept my apologies for
the
> inconvenience.
>
> Martin L. Kensedder
> Assistant Manager
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Dear Mrs. Carmen,
>
> Who the hell left 54 little bars of Camay in my room? I came in last
night
> and found 54 little bars of soap. I don't want 54 little bars of Camay. I
> want my one [censored] bar of bath-size Dial. Do you realize I have 54 bars of
> soap in here. All I want is my bath size Dial. Please give me back my
> bath-size Dial.
>
> S. Berman
>
> -------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Dear Mr. Berman,
> You complained of too much soap in your room so I had them removed. Then
> you complained to Mr. Kensedder that all your soap was missing so I
> personally returned them. The 24 Camays which had been taken and the 3
> Camays you are supposed to receive daily. I don't know anything about the
4
> Cashmere Bouquets. Obviously your maid, Kathy, did not know I had
returned
> your soaps so she also brought 24 Camays plus the 3 daily Camays. I don't
> know where you got the idea this hotel issues bath-size Dial. I was able
to
> locate some bath-size Ivory which I left in your room.
>
> Elaine Carmen
> Housekeeper
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Dear Mrs. Carmen,
> Just a short note to bring you up-to-date on my latest soap inventory. As
> of today I possess:
>
> - On the shelf under medicine cabinet - 18 Camay in 4 stacks of 4 and
1
> stack of 2.
>
> - On the Kleenex dispenser - 11 Camay in 2 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of
3.
>
>
> - On the bedroom dresser - 1 stack of 3 Cashmere Bouquet,
>
> - 1 stack of 4 hotel-size Ivory, and 8 Camay in 2 stacks of 4.
>
> - Inside the medicine cabinet - 14 Camay in 3 stacks of 4 and 1 stack
of
> 2.
>
> - In the shower soap dish - 6 Camay, very moist.
>
> - On the northeast corner of tub - 1 Cashmere Bouquet, slightly used.
>
> - On the northwest corner of tub - 6 Camays in 2 stacks of 3.
>
> Please ask Kathy when she services my room to make sure the stacks are
> neatly piled and dusted. Also, please advise her that stacks of more than
4
> have a tendency to tip. May I suggest that my bedroom window sill is not
in
> use and will make an excellent spot for future soap deliveries. One more
> item, I have purchased another bar of bath-sized Dial which I am keeping
in
> the hotel vault in order to avoid further misunderstandings.
/w3tcompact/icons/smile.gif
> The following letters are taken from an actual incident between a
> London hotel and one of its guests. The Hotel ended up submitting the
> letters to the London Sunday Times.
> -------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Dear Maid,
> Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my bathroom
> since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial. Please remove the six
unopened
> little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest and another three in
> the shower soap dish. They are in my way.
>
> Thank you,
> S. Berman
>
> -------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Dear Room 635,
> I am not your regular maid. She will be back tomorrow, Thursday, from her
> day off. I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap dish as you
> requested. The 6 bars on your shelf I took out of your way and put on top
> of your Kleenex dispenser in case you should change your mind. This
leaves
> only the 3 bars I left today which my instructions from the management is
> to leave 3 soaps daily. I hope this is satisfactory.
>
> Kathy, Relief Maid
>
> -------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Dear Maid - I hope you are my regular maid.
> Apparently Kathy did not tell you about my note to her concerning the
> little bars of soap. When I got back to my room this evening I found you
> had added 3 little Camays to the shelf under my medicine cabinet. I am
> going to be here in the hotel for two weeks and have brought my own
> bath-size Dial so I won't need those 6 little Camays which are on the
> shelf. They are in my way when shaving, brushing teeth, etc. Please
remove
> them.
>
> S. Berman
>
> -------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Dear Mr. Berman,
> My day off was last Wed. so the relief maid left 3 hotel soaps which we
are
> instructed by the management. I took the 6 soaps which were in your way
on
> the shelf and put them in the soap dish where your Dial was. I put the
Dial
> in the medicine cabinet for your convenience. I didn't remove the 3
> complimentary soaps which are always placed inside the medicine cabinet
for
> all new check-ins and which you did not object to when you checked in
last
> Monday. Please let me know if I can of further assistance.
>
> Your regular maid,
> Dotty
>
> -------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Dear Mr. Berman,
> The assistant manager, Mr. Kensedder, informed me this morning that you
> called him last evening and said you were unhappy with your maid service.
I
> have assigned a new girl to your room. I hope you will accept my
apologies
> for any past inconvenience. If you have any future complaints please
> contact me so I can give it my personal attention. Call extension 1108
> between 8AM and 5PM. Thank you.
>
> Elaine Carmen
> Housekeeper
>
> -------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Dear Miss Carmen,
> It is impossible to contact you by phone since I leave the hotel for
> business at 7:45 AM and don't get back before 5:30 or 6PM. That's the
> reason I called Mr. Kensedder last night. You were already off duty. I
> only asked Mr. Kensedder if he could do anything about those little bars
of
> soap. The new maid you assigned me must have thought I was a new check-in
> today, since she left another 3 bars of hotel soap in my medicine cabinet
> along with her regular delivery of 3 bars on the bathroom shelf. In just
5
> days here I have accumulated 24 little bars of soap. Why are you doing
this
> to me?
>
> S. Berman
>
> -------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Dear Mr. Berman,
> Your maid, Kathy, has been instructed to stop delivering soap to your
room
> and remove the extra soaps. If I can be of further assistance, please
call
> extension 1108 between 8AM and 5PM.
>
> Thank you,
> Elaine Carmen, Housekeeper
>
> -------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Dear Mr. Kensedder,
>
> My bath-size Dial is missing. Every bar of soap was taken from my room
> including my own bath-size Dial. I came in late last night and had to
call
> the bellhop to bring me 4 little Cashmere Bouquets.
>
> S. Berman
>
> -------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Dear Mr. Berman,
> I have informed our housekeeper, Elaine Carmen, of your soap proble/m. I
> cannot understand why there was no soap in your room since our maids are
> instructed to leave 3 bars of soap each time they service a room. The
> situation will be rectified immediately. Please accept my apologies for
the
> inconvenience.
>
> Martin L. Kensedder
> Assistant Manager
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Dear Mrs. Carmen,
>
> Who the hell left 54 little bars of Camay in my room? I came in last
night
> and found 54 little bars of soap. I don't want 54 little bars of Camay. I
> want my one [censored] bar of bath-size Dial. Do you realize I have 54 bars of
> soap in here. All I want is my bath size Dial. Please give me back my
> bath-size Dial.
>
> S. Berman
>
> -------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Dear Mr. Berman,
> You complained of too much soap in your room so I had them removed. Then
> you complained to Mr. Kensedder that all your soap was missing so I
> personally returned them. The 24 Camays which had been taken and the 3
> Camays you are supposed to receive daily. I don't know anything about the
4
> Cashmere Bouquets. Obviously your maid, Kathy, did not know I had
returned
> your soaps so she also brought 24 Camays plus the 3 daily Camays. I don't
> know where you got the idea this hotel issues bath-size Dial. I was able
to
> locate some bath-size Ivory which I left in your room.
>
> Elaine Carmen
> Housekeeper
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Dear Mrs. Carmen,
> Just a short note to bring you up-to-date on my latest soap inventory. As
> of today I possess:
>
> - On the shelf under medicine cabinet - 18 Camay in 4 stacks of 4 and
1
> stack of 2.
>
> - On the Kleenex dispenser - 11 Camay in 2 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of
3.
>
>
> - On the bedroom dresser - 1 stack of 3 Cashmere Bouquet,
>
> - 1 stack of 4 hotel-size Ivory, and 8 Camay in 2 stacks of 4.
>
> - Inside the medicine cabinet - 14 Camay in 3 stacks of 4 and 1 stack
of
> 2.
>
> - In the shower soap dish - 6 Camay, very moist.
>
> - On the northeast corner of tub - 1 Cashmere Bouquet, slightly used.
>
> - On the northwest corner of tub - 6 Camays in 2 stacks of 3.
>
> Please ask Kathy when she services my room to make sure the stacks are
> neatly piled and dusted. Also, please advise her that stacks of more than
4
> have a tendency to tip. May I suggest that my bedroom window sill is not
in
> use and will make an excellent spot for future soap deliveries. One more
> item, I have purchased another bar of bath-sized Dial which I am keeping
in
> the hotel vault in order to avoid further misunderstandings.
/w3tcompact/icons/smile.gif
