scruffy
Veteran Member
- Joined
- Jul 8, 2000
- Messages
- 1,445
- Tractor
- None (at present)
Hopefully, you fine folks will get a laugh out of this one. You may wish to let those of the female gender read it also.
To whom it may concern in Technical Support:
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed that
the new program began making unexpected changes to the accounting software;
severely limiting access to wardrobe, flower and jewelry applications
that operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. No mention of this phenomenon
was included in the product brochure.
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalls many other valuable programs such
as: Dinner Dancing 7.5, Cruise Ship 2.3, and Opera Night 6.1 and installs
new, undesirable programs such as Poker Night 1.3, Saturday Football 5.0,
Golf 2.4 and Clutter Everywhere 4.5. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and
invariably crashes the system. Under no circumstances will it run Diaper
Changing 14.1 or House Cleaning 2.6. I've tried running Nagging 5.3, to fix Husband 1.0, but this all-purpose utility is of limited effectiveness. Can you help, please!!!!????
Signed, Jane
Dear Jane:
This is a very common problem women complain about, but it is mostly
due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Boyfriend 5.0 to
Husband
1.0 with no idea that Boyfriend 5.0 is merely an ENTERTAINMENT package.
However, Husband 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and was designed by its creator
to run as few applications as possible. Further, you cannot purge Husband 1.0 and return to Boyfriend 5.0, because Husband 1.0 is not designed to do this. Hidden operating files within your system would cause Boyfriend 5.0 to emulate Husband 1.0, so nothing is gained. It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program
files from the system, once installed. Any new program files can only be installed once per year, as Husband 1.0 has severely limited memory. Error messages are common and a normal part of Husband 1.0. In desperation to play some of their "old time" favorite applications, or to get new applications to work, some women have tried to install Boyfriend 6.0, or Husband 2.0. However, these women end up with more problems than encountered with Husband 1.0. Look in your manual under "Warnings: Divorce/Child Support. " You will notice that this program runs very poorly, and comes bundled with Heart Break 1.3. I recommend you keep Husband 1.0, and just learn the quirks of this strange and illogical system. Having Husband 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults [GPFs]. This is a wonderful feature of Husband 1.0, secretly installed by the parent company as an integral part of the operating system. Husband 1.0 must assume ALL responsibility for ALL faults and problems, regardless of root cause. To activate this great feature enter the command: "C:\ I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME". Sometimes Tears 6.2 must be run simultaneously while entering the command. Husband 1.0 should then run the applications Apologize 12.3 and Flowers/Chocolates 7.8.
TECH TIP! Avoid excessive use of this feature. Overuse can create
additional and more serious GPFs, and ultimately YOU may have to give a C:\
IAPOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal operations. Overuse can also cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, or worse yet, to
Beer 6.0. Beer 6.0 is a very bad program that causes Husband 1.0 to create Fat Belly files and Snoring Loudly wave files that are very hard to delete. Save yourself some trouble by following this tech tip! Just remember! The system will run smoothly, and take the blame for all GPFs, but because of this fine feature it can only intermittently run all the applications Boyfriend 5.0 ran. Husband 1.0 is a great program, but
it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. Consider buying additional software to improve performance. I personally recommend: Hot Food 3.0, Lingerie 5.3 and Patience 10.1. Used in conjunction, these utilities can really help keep Husband 1.0 running smoothly. After several years of use, Husband 1.0 will become familiar and you will find many valuable embedded features such as: FixBrokenThings.1, Snuggling 4.2 and Best Friend 7.6.
A final word of caution! Do NOT, under any circumstances, install Mother-in-Law 1.0. This is not a supported application, and will cause selective shutdown of the operating system. Husband 1.0 will run only Fishing 9.4 and Hunting 5.2 until Mother-in-Law 1.0 is uninstalled. I hope these notes have helped. Thank you for choosing to install Husband 1.0 and we here at Tech Support wish you the best of luck in coming years. We trust you will learn to fully enjoy this product!
Technical Support
To whom it may concern in Technical Support:
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed that
the new program began making unexpected changes to the accounting software;
severely limiting access to wardrobe, flower and jewelry applications
that operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. No mention of this phenomenon
was included in the product brochure.
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalls many other valuable programs such
as: Dinner Dancing 7.5, Cruise Ship 2.3, and Opera Night 6.1 and installs
new, undesirable programs such as Poker Night 1.3, Saturday Football 5.0,
Golf 2.4 and Clutter Everywhere 4.5. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and
invariably crashes the system. Under no circumstances will it run Diaper
Changing 14.1 or House Cleaning 2.6. I've tried running Nagging 5.3, to fix Husband 1.0, but this all-purpose utility is of limited effectiveness. Can you help, please!!!!????
Signed, Jane
Dear Jane:
This is a very common problem women complain about, but it is mostly
due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Boyfriend 5.0 to
Husband
1.0 with no idea that Boyfriend 5.0 is merely an ENTERTAINMENT package.
However, Husband 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and was designed by its creator
to run as few applications as possible. Further, you cannot purge Husband 1.0 and return to Boyfriend 5.0, because Husband 1.0 is not designed to do this. Hidden operating files within your system would cause Boyfriend 5.0 to emulate Husband 1.0, so nothing is gained. It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program
files from the system, once installed. Any new program files can only be installed once per year, as Husband 1.0 has severely limited memory. Error messages are common and a normal part of Husband 1.0. In desperation to play some of their "old time" favorite applications, or to get new applications to work, some women have tried to install Boyfriend 6.0, or Husband 2.0. However, these women end up with more problems than encountered with Husband 1.0. Look in your manual under "Warnings: Divorce/Child Support. " You will notice that this program runs very poorly, and comes bundled with Heart Break 1.3. I recommend you keep Husband 1.0, and just learn the quirks of this strange and illogical system. Having Husband 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults [GPFs]. This is a wonderful feature of Husband 1.0, secretly installed by the parent company as an integral part of the operating system. Husband 1.0 must assume ALL responsibility for ALL faults and problems, regardless of root cause. To activate this great feature enter the command: "C:\ I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME". Sometimes Tears 6.2 must be run simultaneously while entering the command. Husband 1.0 should then run the applications Apologize 12.3 and Flowers/Chocolates 7.8.
TECH TIP! Avoid excessive use of this feature. Overuse can create
additional and more serious GPFs, and ultimately YOU may have to give a C:\
IAPOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal operations. Overuse can also cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, or worse yet, to
Beer 6.0. Beer 6.0 is a very bad program that causes Husband 1.0 to create Fat Belly files and Snoring Loudly wave files that are very hard to delete. Save yourself some trouble by following this tech tip! Just remember! The system will run smoothly, and take the blame for all GPFs, but because of this fine feature it can only intermittently run all the applications Boyfriend 5.0 ran. Husband 1.0 is a great program, but
it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. Consider buying additional software to improve performance. I personally recommend: Hot Food 3.0, Lingerie 5.3 and Patience 10.1. Used in conjunction, these utilities can really help keep Husband 1.0 running smoothly. After several years of use, Husband 1.0 will become familiar and you will find many valuable embedded features such as: FixBrokenThings.1, Snuggling 4.2 and Best Friend 7.6.
A final word of caution! Do NOT, under any circumstances, install Mother-in-Law 1.0. This is not a supported application, and will cause selective shutdown of the operating system. Husband 1.0 will run only Fishing 9.4 and Hunting 5.2 until Mother-in-Law 1.0 is uninstalled. I hope these notes have helped. Thank you for choosing to install Husband 1.0 and we here at Tech Support wish you the best of luck in coming years. We trust you will learn to fully enjoy this product!
Technical Support
