Toss me a joke!

[Gravy]

Today hasn't been one of my happier ones lately. I could use some cheering up. Anybody got a good (non-political) joke?

 

[wdchyd]

What's the difference between "Outlaws & Inlaws"............the Outlaws are wanted!!!!

Just heard that one today:laughing::laughing::laughing:

 

[wdchyd]

Two blondes walk into a building............Oh come on one of them should have seen it coming!!!!!!!!:laughing:

 

[rekees4300]

A local business was looking for office help. They put a sign in the window, stating the following: HELP WANTED. Must be able to type, must be good with a computer, and must be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer. A short time afterward, a beagle trotted up to the window, saw the sign, and went inside. He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it, and whined. Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office manager. The office manager looked at the beagle and was surprised, to say the least. However, the beagle looked determined, so the office manager led him into the office. Inside, the beagle jumped up on the chair and stared at the manager. The manager said, I can't hire you. The sign says you have to be able to type. The beagle jumped down, went to the typewriter, and proceeded to type out a perfect letter. He took out the page and trotted over to the manager and gave it to him, then jumped back on the chair. The manager was stunned, but then told the dog, the sign says you have to be good with a computer. The beagle jumped down again and went to the computer. He proceeded to enter and execute a perfect program that worked flawlessly the first time. By this time the manager was totally dumbfounded! He looked at the dog and said, I realize that you are a very intelligent dog and have some interesting abilities. However, I still can't give you the job. The beagle jumped down and went to a copy of the sign and put his paw on the words Equal Opportunity Employer. The manager said, yes, but the sign also says that you have to be bilingual. The beagle looked at the manager calmly and said, meow.

 

[Wacky]

Speaking of blondes ..... why do they always jump into the back seat when they get into a car:thumbsup:

 

[Gravy]

Thank you all!

Good jokes, giving me a reason to smile among the tears.

You see, I had to kill a kitten today. The new, untrained pup found one that had just opened it's eyes. It was beyond saving. I ended it as quickly as I could, but it was ugly.

Thank you, friends...

 

[Gravy]

BTW -

I'm a blond.

The jokes are all true.

 

[Gravy]

A local business was looking for office help. They put a sign in the window, stating the following: HELP WANTED. Must be able to type, must be good with a computer, and must be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer. A short time afterward, a beagle trotted up to the window, saw the sign, and went inside. He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it, and whined. Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office manager. The office manager looked at the beagle and was surprised, to say the least. However, the beagle looked determined, so the office manager led him into the office. Inside, the beagle jumped up on the chair and stared at the manager. The manager said, I can't hire you. The sign says you have to be able to type. The beagle jumped down, went to the typewriter, and proceeded to type out a perfect letter. He took out the page and trotted over to the manager and gave it to him, then jumped back on the chair. The manager was stunned, but then told the dog, the sign says you have to be good with a computer. The beagle jumped down again and went to the computer. He proceeded to enter and execute a perfect program that worked flawlessly the first time. By this time the manager was totally dumbfounded! He looked at the dog and said, I realize that you are a very intelligent dog and have some interesting abilities. However, I still can't give you the job. The beagle jumped down and went to a copy of the sign and put his paw on the words Equal Opportunity Employer. The manager said, yes, but the sign also says that you have to be bilingual. The beagle looked at the manager calmly and said, meow.

Too perfect! Dogs & cats made the pain, dogs & cats bring the laughs!

 

[ToolcatWonka5610]

BTW -

I'm a blond.

The jokes are all true.

So am I.

I take offense to all these blond jokes

(Just kidding! I love blond jokes)

 

[Gravy]

Willy -

I believe you're a blond.

I wouldn't have believed the "offense" part...