Tractor rampage
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Bob_Skurka
Super Member
- Joined
- Jul 1, 2003
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For the alcohol abuse you need to seek help of some sort. Kids are prone to binge drinking more than regular daily drinking. Binge drinking can be very dangerous not only to property but to the long term health of your son. I'm sure he has some anger issues over the divorce, or some issues over something or he would not have taken the front loader to your wife's car. I can't say from my side of the computer screen what the problem is, but it is something that I would encourage you to try to resolve with the help of a qualified councelor; you might want to check with the school for some recommendations?
I think having your son work off the damages by fixing things up at your neighbors property is appropriate. I think having your son deal with his step mother and somehow paying for the repairs to her car is also appropriate . . . even if that means selling the tractor you were going to put away for him and using the proceeds from the sale to pay off the $3500 in damages to her car. But in doing that, then he would owe you the $3500. I don't think that selling YOUR tractor and using the proceeds from the sale of YOUR tractor should remove him of HIS debts, so by selling it you get the money to LEND him to pay off his damages so he can then pay you back. At which point, if he is lucky and you are feeling generous, you can buy back the tractor (or a similar one) and put it away for him for sometime in the future when and if he becomes responsible.
My question is for your neighbor, what is he and his son going to do for you? Afterall he supplied (even if not intentionally) the alcohol that combusted into this event. Is he taking any responsibility and is his son helping your son to do any of the repairs on your property. And I guess is your son helping to do any of the repairs on your property?
Good luck, but please seek help for his drinking and his issues, whatever those may be, I suspect they are causing some of the drinking because he is obviously acting out more than a normal teenager and when he drinks (and lets be honest, most of us drank when we were 15, but most of us didn't take it to this level).
I think having your son work off the damages by fixing things up at your neighbors property is appropriate. I think having your son deal with his step mother and somehow paying for the repairs to her car is also appropriate . . . even if that means selling the tractor you were going to put away for him and using the proceeds from the sale to pay off the $3500 in damages to her car. But in doing that, then he would owe you the $3500. I don't think that selling YOUR tractor and using the proceeds from the sale of YOUR tractor should remove him of HIS debts, so by selling it you get the money to LEND him to pay off his damages so he can then pay you back. At which point, if he is lucky and you are feeling generous, you can buy back the tractor (or a similar one) and put it away for him for sometime in the future when and if he becomes responsible.
My question is for your neighbor, what is he and his son going to do for you? Afterall he supplied (even if not intentionally) the alcohol that combusted into this event. Is he taking any responsibility and is his son helping your son to do any of the repairs on your property. And I guess is your son helping to do any of the repairs on your property?
Good luck, but please seek help for his drinking and his issues, whatever those may be, I suspect they are causing some of the drinking because he is obviously acting out more than a normal teenager and when he drinks (and lets be honest, most of us drank when we were 15, but most of us didn't take it to this level).
Junkman
Super Member
I was recently contacted by a Federal Agency for a background check on an employee that worked for me during a summer when he was 14, and that was more than 20 years ago. They wouldn't give me much information, other than saying that it involved in a security clearance matter. My guess is that he is working for a government agency now, and needs a higher level of security clearance and that is the reason that they are digging deeper into his past.
rcrcomputing
Platinum Member
I'd whip him with a belt. Make sure he fixes everything.
And go get the counciling.
I remember my daughter saying she could get married when she was 18. My response was "I will drag you out of the church by the hair of your head! College first!"
I would NOT call the cops on him. It's not government responsibility to raise or punish my child.
As for the neighbor, it's his house supplying liquer to minors. And his son involved as well. He'd get nothing from me. Sometimes, everybody loses.
And go get the counciling.
I remember my daughter saying she could get married when she was 18. My response was "I will drag you out of the church by the hair of your head! College first!"
I would NOT call the cops on him. It's not government responsibility to raise or punish my child.
As for the neighbor, it's his house supplying liquer to minors. And his son involved as well. He'd get nothing from me. Sometimes, everybody loses.
chucko
Veteran Member
</font><font color="blueclass=small">( The alcohol abuse (it continues) is the real problem )</font>
Do you know where the alcohol is comming from? You need to get the supply cut off! Then don't allow him to go anywhere without you mom or stepmom until he proves he can be trusted. Don't leave him at home while your at work drop him off at a daycare (so to speak) surly there is a "program" he can get into to help him with his problem as it seems he has leaned nothing if he is still drinking
Edit to add: Do not sale the tractor to pay for what he did. That tractor was NEVER his yet and may never be it shold not be used to help him payoff what he did
Do you know where the alcohol is comming from? You need to get the supply cut off! Then don't allow him to go anywhere without you mom or stepmom until he proves he can be trusted. Don't leave him at home while your at work drop him off at a daycare (so to speak) surly there is a "program" he can get into to help him with his problem as it seems he has leaned nothing if he is still drinking
Edit to add: Do not sale the tractor to pay for what he did. That tractor was NEVER his yet and may never be it shold not be used to help him payoff what he did
chucko
Veteran Member
Hey you does your son knows he also has to pay for the lawer also?
cmhyland
Platinum Member
If the alcohol abuse continues there are underlying issues which need to be resolved.
On the other side some people just can't matabolize alcohol, ie some American Indians,
and some Asian groups. Makes them crazy.
If he is like that he should steer clear of the booze forever, not just till he can legally drink.
The single greatest thing you may be able to do for your son is find the root of these issues and resolve them.
By doing this you may head off the heartache of watching him fall into a life of abuse.
I don't mean to say that he's gone bad or anything.
I'm sure deep down in your heart you need
to know why so you can know how to help.
Maybe in the process of getting him to work off the damages he'll open up and vent out some of
whats bothering him in a constructive way.
Hope all is well with you both.
Regards,
Chris
On the other side some people just can't matabolize alcohol, ie some American Indians,
and some Asian groups. Makes them crazy.
If he is like that he should steer clear of the booze forever, not just till he can legally drink.
The single greatest thing you may be able to do for your son is find the root of these issues and resolve them.
By doing this you may head off the heartache of watching him fall into a life of abuse.
I don't mean to say that he's gone bad or anything.
I'm sure deep down in your heart you need
to know why so you can know how to help.
Maybe in the process of getting him to work off the damages he'll open up and vent out some of
whats bothering him in a constructive way.
Hope all is well with you both.
Regards,
Chris
kensfarm
Veteran Member
Sorry the problems continue.. glad your neighbor's being reasonable.
Why do kids drink? They see their parents/grownups drinking.. bored.. kids at school tell them it's so much fun getting wasted.. they brag about it at school w/ their friends.. to feel accepted.. to show that they are cool.. mature.
How to stop it.. make it harder for them to get.. ground them when they get caught(no TV.. extra school work).. if it's always w/ a certain kid or kids.. they no longer get to hang out w/ them. Get them involved in activities that interest them.. be involved w/ them at the time when they would drink by going to the movies or other family type events.
Get rid of the source.. change the activities that allow it to happen. Be patient.. sons want their Dad to be proud of him.. give him praise when deserved. Best of luck.
Why do kids drink? They see their parents/grownups drinking.. bored.. kids at school tell them it's so much fun getting wasted.. they brag about it at school w/ their friends.. to feel accepted.. to show that they are cool.. mature.
How to stop it.. make it harder for them to get.. ground them when they get caught(no TV.. extra school work).. if it's always w/ a certain kid or kids.. they no longer get to hang out w/ them. Get them involved in activities that interest them.. be involved w/ them at the time when they would drink by going to the movies or other family type events.
Get rid of the source.. change the activities that allow it to happen. Be patient.. sons want their Dad to be proud of him.. give him praise when deserved. Best of luck.
Junkman
Super Member
Interesting comments, but even on this site, I see certain people always advising to "get a cold one" and the reference is alway intended to be a cold beer. This is one of the things that drive kids toward drinking. They see drinking as a social event and even read it in the forums as the thing to do when there is nothing else to do, or to do while working on a project. One difference between these kids drinking and the adults that they also see drinking is that the adults usually, but not always know how to drink in moderation and responsibly. This is something that needs to be taught ..... everything in moderation with responsibility.'
Junkman's Wednesday Sermon.....
Junkman's Wednesday Sermon.....
