You Know You're A Redneck (2002 edition)

Wal · May 23, 2002

You Know You\'re A Redneck (2002 edition)

You Know When You're A Redneck...2002 Edition

1. You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.
2. You can entertain yourself for more than an hour with a fly swatter.
3. Your property has been mistaken for a recycling center.
4. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
5. You burn your yard rather than mow it.
6. You think the Nutcracker is something you did off the high dive.
7. The Salvation Army declines your mattress.
8. Your entire family sat around waiting for a call from the governor to spare a loved one.
9. You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it.
10. You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.
11. You come back from the dump with more than you took.
12. You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.
13. Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
14. Your grandmother has "Ammo" on her Christmas list.
15. You've been kicked out of the zoo for heckling the monkeys.
16. You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.
17. You've bathed with flea and tick soap.
18. You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.
19. Your kids take a siphon hose to show and tell.
20. You think a hot tub is a stolen indoor plumbing fixture.
21. You took a fishing pole to Sea World.
22. You go to the stock car races and don't need a program.
23. You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.
24. You have a rag for a gas cap.
25. Your father executes the "Pull my finger" trick during Christmas dinner.
26. Your house doesn't have curtains but your truck does.
27. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
28. You can spit without opening your mouth.
29. You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.
30. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
31. You sit on your roof at Christmas time hoping to fill your deer quota.
32. You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Cool Whip on them.
33. The biggest city you've ever been to is Walmart.
34. Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.
35. You thought the Unibomber was a wrestler.
36. You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.
37. You think a quarter horse is that ride in front of K-Mart.
38. Your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home.
39. A tornado hits your neighborhood and does $10,000 worth of improvement.
40. You've used a toilet brush as a back scratcher.
41. You've asked the preacher "How's it hangin'?"
42. You missed 5th grade graduation because you had jury duty.
43. You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65 mph.
44. Somebody tells you that you've got something in your teeth and you take them out to see what it is.

kubmech · May 23, 2002

Re: You Know You\'re A Redneck (2002 edition)

Poking fun at rednecks on a tractor site. That's kind of funny itself. It seems though that "red necks" have a pretty good sense of humor. Some of the stuff on that list could be considered offensive if it was taken to heart.

HMMMMM...................

I wonder what would happen if ...........................................

YOU MIGHT BE AN UPTIGHT SNOB IF…………………

1. You tell the person you are calling “I’m on my cell phone”.
2. You drive three inches from the car in front of you and really believe that’s going to
get you somewhere faster.
3. Someone else tells you what color your house or curtains have to be and that doesn't
bother you one bit.
4. You’re halfway through the intersection before the light turns green.
5. You buy a house near a race track or private airport then send letters to the local
newspaper complaining about the noise.
6. You ask to cut in front of someone in the check out line because you only
have a few items.
7. You hate cigarette smoke but believe cigar smoke is fine.
8. You give the gifts you didn't like to your employees at christmas.
9. You think they believe you bought the gifts just for them.
10. You think planting a few Christmas trees makes you a farmer.
11. You have asked someone if they have any idea who you are.
12. You believed that, that person cared when you told them.
13. You think that an old chunk of wood with the word country and some flowers painted
on it is bargain at 20 bucks.
14. You think that old chunk of wood is country.
15. You have stiffed more than one service person for work being “unacceptable” yet
never gave them a chance to correct the alleged problem.
16. Anything that ever happens to you is not your fault.
17. You have threatened more than one person with “going to court”.
18. You have ever purchased a cabbage patch or tickle me Elmo doll.
29. You have spent anything more than retail price for either of the previous.
20. You really believe that college makes you smart.
21. You have placed a call to complain about the neighbors’ driveway not being edged.
22. You have your blue jeans dry-cleaned.
23. You have a living room in your house no one can use.
24. You love, you might be a redneck lists. But this one pisses you off.

wroughtn_harv · May 23, 2002

Re: You Know You\'re A Redneck (2002 edition)

Reminds me of the old boy who came up to the shop one hot day in his big old four door red diesel dually. He powered down his window and motioned for this old man to come over to the truck.

I did.

He looked over my shoulder giving the place a good once over and then back at me and asked, "whatcha'll do here?"

I looked him in the eye and said, "whatever the hellIdamnwell please" and turned on my heel and walked back into the shade.

crown · May 23, 2002

Re: You Know You\'re A Redneck (2002 edition)

Kubmech,
Well said, if tractor fixin gets slow maybe a book deal/w3tcompact/icons/grin.gif Jeff Foxworthy eat your heart out.