Torvy
Condolences and sorry you're going through this, particularly since your so far away from your father.
In another thread, you made the comment "Our dad's were so alike. Dad retired in '73 after 22 years. He was mostly in MAC. SAC is now just Strategic Command, iirc." You're right, our fathers were a lot alike.
If you can, try to spend as much time as you can with him.
I was blessed in the fact that my dad lived with us for the last four years of his life, and when we found him in the basement after he accidently fell, in less than two days at the hospital, he passed, and I was sleeping next to him in bed (I woke up at 5AM after falling asleep at 2:30AM, and they told me he went around 4:30AM when they checked on him).
You also mentioned in this thread "I think there is no joy left for him and he is ready to go."
That's EXACTLY how my own father felt the last year living with us, because for better or worse, in my fathers last year, he was becoming more and more dependent on us for everything. He told me numerous times he was ready to "check out" because he couldn't do anything on his own and his life "sucked".
Honestly, I wasn't hit by grief with my father passing like it hit me when my mom went. When my dad went, I was actually happy for him and felt blessed that it happened pretty quickly. I KNEW he went where he finally wanted to go after a very long fufilling life, because he did miss my mom for 20 years after she passed. My dads extended family who lived out of state really thought I would be in bad shape, but I wasn't. I was honestly happy for him and greatful for the life he gave me (your dad ever use the expression "just remember, I brought you into this world, and I can take you out of this world" growing up?
Because our dads are so much alike, take comfort and pride that he lived a GREAT life, loved, and had a wonderful caring son. At the end of the day, I think the greatest mark you can have in your life is leaving people behind who are caring and responsible adults in this world, and it seems like your father hit that mark with flying colors.
Seems we may be more alike than you know. Your dad was a charmer and so was mine. Like you, I'm NOT a charmer. Go figure...(don't know about your dad, but my own father seemed to go a LOT easier on his grandkids disciplinary wise than he did with me when I grew up in his house).
I was with my grandmother by her side in 77 when she left. I was with my mom by her side when she left in 2002, and same for my father in 2022. I know sooner or later I will be in the exact same spot as all of those whom I loved, when our time has come on this earth.
What I have found from my own experience is that there are no perfect words for grief, and sometimes trying to do good with words with someone dealing with greif you can cause harm instead of helping, so if I've said anything to hurt, that's not my intent and apologies.
