Merry Christmas!

[lilranch2001]

Like I said, my FIL was a good man.

We thought things would be different this year because the basic waste of a human life brother in law was finally dumped by the SIL (woud never listen to her family, but had therapist from her church finally tell her after she got to know the guy in counseling).

I just told my wife from now own, the set time to eat is the set time to eat, no if's ands or butts.

We actually made the time later due to a newphews work schedule (not the one who showed up 60 minutes late, the one who showed up only like 20 minutes late).

It really has been this way for 20 years and after I saw my MIL kind of get depressed about it, I'm kind of no longer going to tolerate. That said, she loves her other daughters and grand children, so going on the warpath won't accomplish anything.

If you keep allowing people to walk on you, you will continue to be a door mat

 

[lilranch2001]

Admittedly I can be a dick, but I do not tend to get walked on either….

 

[Sigarms]

If you keep allowing people to walk on you, you will continue to be a door mat

I don't disagree with you and feel the same way.

However, if it were my mom and I had a brother or sister (I don't) who did the exact same thing with their kids, making an issue out of it I may win the battle, but lose the war for my own mom with her other child.

I'd be absolutely fine with my MIL staying at our house, but it's easier for everyone to meet at her house.

I'm just a punctual person when I have to be somewhere and if I know I'm running late, I'll call ASAP. Heck, even if I'm going to be 5 minutes late for a meeting, I'll text the other party because it's due to drive time. I see that as nothing more than a common courtesey.

 

[lilranch2001]

I don't disagree with you and feel the same way.

However, if it were my mom and I had a brother or sister (I don't) who did the exact same thing with their kids, making an issue out of it I may win the battle, but lose the war for my own mom with her other child.

I'd be absolutely fine with my MIL staying at our house, but it's easier for everyone to meet at her house.

I'm just a punctual person when I have to be somewhere and if I know I'm running late, I'll call ASAP. Heck, even if I'm going to be 5 minutes late for a meeting, I'll text the other party because it's due to drive time. I see that as nothing more than a common courtesey.

I’m not faulting you Sig….

Your MIL is the one responsible for her misery…

She is just enabling bad behavior.

 

[Sigarms]

Admittedly I can be a dick, but I do not tend to get walked on either….

I think we can share those same traits, but when it comes to family and causing harm to the one you love for not giving up a hill because you don't want to lose the battle, you could end up losing the war.

Honestly, I'd just love to sit down with everyone and find out exactly what goes on in their mind when they know what time they are supposed to show up and they can never make it on time. My wife is against that idea

 

[lilranch2001]

I think we can share those same traits, but when it comes to family and causing harm to the one you love for not giving up a hill because you don't want to lose the battle, you could end up losing the war.

Honestly, I'd just love to sit down with everyone and find out exactly what goes on in their mind when they know what time they are supposed to show up and they can never make it on time. My wife is against that idea

I can tell you and I don’t know them…..
They are self absorbed piglets!

 

[Sigarms]

I’m not faulting you Sig….

Your MIL is the one responsible for her misery…

She is just enabling bad behavior.

Again, I agree with you.

That said, you can take 5 kids raised in the same house with the same moral values and work ethic, and all 5 kids can turn out differently.

My wife is a lot like her parents. Smart and uses common sense and knows fiscal management. Let's just say it stops there with my wife...

I can't blame my MIL for wanted the whole family at her house over the holidays, particularly when she lost her husband two years ago. Also can't blame her for not raising a stink about tardiness.

Besides that, I'm the son in law, not the son LOL

Generally I keep my mouth shut because I really do love my in laws. I'm just venting here...

 

[lilranch2001]

Well on a thread I wished love and peace for all of us, I have shown enough of my arse…..

Good luck dude!

 

[Sigarms]

Well on a thread I wished love and peace for all of us, I have shown enough of my arse…..

No worries, I know how you feel as I'm the one who started this thread and I'm the one complaining about family.

Honestly, just looking for feedback as perhaps I'm not being enough of a dick

That said, if the gathering isn't held in your own home, no certain if you even have the right to complain about others being tardy.

Like I mentioned before, I see it as nothing more than common sense and courtesy.

 

[Torvy]

I'd just tell the habitually late ones that the start time is 2-3 hours before I really planned on eating. You are much more patient than me.

With our kids eating is more casual at gatherings. We snack until everyone is there and hungry and we may sit down at a table, or maybe just buffet style and relax.

Completely different with my parents. Dad is diabetic and mom is a retired RN and very German. Meals are always at the table and at a fixed time. The closest of us are 12-13 hour drive, so timing is more about stopping whatever activities are going on to go eat.

I completely understand your frustration as wife's side doesn't really do punctual. Those gatherings are rare, though. Don't let their behavior affect your health.