Use of 4WD is really up to the preference of the driver, except in high traction cases. You'll notice in your tractor, Jeep, or Durango, that when you make a turn on your driveway or pavement in 4wd, you can feel the drivetrain binding. It may even chirp the tires. The front and rear end/tires are moving at slightly different speed as you turn. Normally, for just one drive axle, the differential makes up for this, letting one tire rotate faster then the other. In 4wd though, your transfer case allows no slip between the front and rear axle, causing it to bind up. That's why they say not to run in 4wd on hard surfaces. It will bind the drive train and cause excessive wear.
Your wear will be as much in the transfer case as the front end. The front end has a differential, which allows for the dirrences between rotational speed of the inner wheel verses the outer wheel. It's the transfer case that does not allow slippage. Ya, the fron will wear too, but it is kind of an additive affect across the entire drive train.
For the tractor, I use 2wd a lot. Mine does not have power steering, so it is easier to steer in 2wd. I do try to look ahead, so I can be in 4wd before I need it. Nothing like getting too deep to fast, and being beyond the help of 4wd.
Another poster made a good point... run all your 4wd vehicles in 4wd once a month, for at least a couple miles. If you do not, the bearing and gears in the front end will not get lubricated; they depend on the spinning differential and gears to sling oil across the inner axle assembly.