I swapped the females as you mentioned and the problem moved.
After inspecting the faulty connector from the back side I could see the circlip that held the internal valve in place was out of it's proper groove causing the back side to be back farther than it should be and cocked.
I re-seated it and put it back on. So far so good. I suspect is was never properly assembled, at least I hope. It's one of those flat ones with the beveled ends, so that when it's fully seated, it makes a nice surface all the way arounds and the beveled ends are touching.
As to why it caused the problem, I have two theories, but I'd have to disassemble it to know. I figure that it could be that the cocked backing was causing it to bind and when the male is connected its poppet was opened extra wide and the female was barely opening.
My other theory is that the poppet on the end is not actually the valve, but a cover for the valve. The circlip would hold the actual valve assembly and the valve assembly would be moved back farther from the poppet when the circlip was unseated. This would cause the poppet to be un-able to fully open the valve. I say this because pushing against the spring from the back felt really week. I suspect there are two springs, one for the poppet and one for the valve.
Regardless of all that, thanks so much for you excellent advice!