List of Critical Shop Tools

[Bison]

Yes sir,there is some truth in all of them :thumbsup:

 

[looknlearn]

I have got a list something like that on my computer. I'll have to compare and see if there are any missing from that list that are on my list.
They sure are amusing.:laughing:

 

[looknlearn]

List of Critical Tools and practical description of what they can do for you! (swipped off the internet)

DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.

WIRE WHEEL: ......

Here are a few more I found on the list I had.




ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their
holes until you die of old age.


WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars and
motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16 or 1/2
socket you've been searching for the last 15 minutes.


HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground
after you have installed your new disk brake pads, trapping the jack
handle firmly under the bumper.


EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 2X4: Used for levering an automobile upward
off a hydraulic jack handle.


TWEEZERS: A tool for removing wood splinters from hands, fingers etc.


PHONE: Tool for calling your neighbor to see if he has another hydraulic
floor jack.


SNAP-ON GASKET SCRAPER: Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for
spreading mayonnaise; used mainly for getting dog**** off your boot.


E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool ten times harder than any known
drill bit that snaps off in bolt holes you couldn't use anyway.


CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 16-INCH SCREWDRIVER: A large pry bar that inexplicably
has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end opposite the
handle.


AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw.


TROUBLE LIGHT: The home mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes called a
drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, "the sunshine vitamin,"
which is not otherwise found under cars at night. Health benefits aside,
it's main purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at about the same
rate that 105-mm howitzer shells might be used during, say, the first
few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. More often dark than light, its
name is somewhat misleading.


AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a coal-burning
power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air that
travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic impact wrench that grips rusty
bolts last over tightened 58 years ago by someone at ARCO, and neatly
rounds off their heads.

 

[SixHoeBob]

Trouble light; The name says it all. When you use it you are asking for it.
Great for branding flesh, and blinding the user with mis-directed light.

 

[Dozernut]

The ooh-aah tool and dance.

Any tool that gives you a sudden pain in the hand and the subsequent dance with the hurt hand between your knees while chanting ooh-aah or your favorite colorful phrase. It just doesn't get any better than this, unless while doing the popular dance that you trip over the floor jack or some other strategically placed object and hurt yourself some other place.

 

[Grayson Klassen]

Center Punch - device designed to put a small indent close to but not quite on top of where you would like to drill.

 

[Bison]

Trouble light; The name says it all. When you use it you are asking for it.
Great for branding flesh, and blinding the user with mis-directed light.

Its actually aptly named cause it has trouble lighting up what one ones to see,and has an uncanny abillity to roll over light down on the ground no matter how one tries to pin it down.
It has the same tendensy to turn away when one uses the hook.

And then there are the air hose and the extension cords who belong in a category all its own,they are "mechanics exersize tools".
They usually resist in providing enough lenght to reach the job at hand by sneaking under something or coil out of their way to snag on something like pails of used oil all the way at the other end,causing one to make multiple trips to correct the situation,thereby exposing themselves to being tripped by the the same cord or hose that somehow managed to throw an other coil.

 

[banjodunn]

G'day hahahaha all very good and i can relate to all of them and also this one

Cold Chisel - the item the operator wraps their hand around in order to steady the hand so as to make the hand easier to hit with the hammer


Jon

 

[crash325]

SKILL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.

I was about 14 or 15 and working for my grandfather. There was a complete bundle of 2x4s that needed to be cut to length. After "carefully" measuring a master stud. I had whipped through almost the whole bundle.:ashamed:

Grand dad measured 1 of them. The whole bundle was about 1.5" too short. You might say he was a little unhappy. He sat down for a little while and soon figured out how to use them. Sorry but I do not remember what the cure was.

 

[crash325]

Arc Welder - A good tool for setting your cloths on fire. In the last 3 or so years I have had that pleasure at least twice. Maybe 3 times.