Doesn't really look like it from where I'm standing. Looks more like you make bad decisions and then stand back and throw money at them.
Sorry..... You're obviously a very good person, but that's the truth, or the way I see it.
It also looks to me that you have a lot to be thankful for.... a ton of things, starting with your health.
I'd say you calm down and make a list of what is really necessary and important and I'm not just talking about stuff either. Understand that it's up to you to decide this and not your wife or your kids. You know what best for your family, and you know what has to be done, and some of it is going to hurt a little. When that happens, just remind yourself and your family of exactly what you have and how lucky you are to have it.
It's going to be a long term project to get to where you think you need to be. Commit to that and stick with it. Worry about things you can control.
Things are not as bad as it seems, and if your wife is not willing to stick it out with you, well then, so be it. That's not what she agreed to when she "I do". You can't really control that now can you?
That's my :2cents: I really hope it didn't pi$$ you off David. I'm pretty sure you are the type of person that will come out the other side wondering what you were so upset about.
You cannot see the whole picture from where you are standing...
I've not had a credit card balance in decades, I pay them all off every month.
I just went 11 months unemployed followed by now just over 2 years of lower than normal income all while carrying 3 mortgages, and I did not touch my retirement accounts, nor my stock account that has been underwater for over 10 years...
Could I do that again? NO, I need to rebuild all my reserves.
We rarely go out to eat, and never extravagent. I have one car payment, at 0%, and I have one Tractor Payment. I own all four Harleys outright, as well as my F-150. We have no cable, we have no health clubs, etc. I pay for my kids music lessons, tithe at Church, and feed all my animals. There is no BS in my budget. No Starbucks.
Debt is a TOOL, if you do not manage it and use it correctly it makes you into a FOOL.
I agonize over some of these decisions, and I ask those ahead of me on this path for advice because I have no Father to ask, I am the oldest and most successful in my family (like ever) and not even my close friends truly understand what I do and am doing...
Yes, from where you are sitting I amy NOT look like a fiscal conservative, but I am VERY good at Stewarding over the resources God has bless me with, and there is much more to the pictue than you can see.
And NO. I am not pi$$ed off. Yes, I am a big boy and I will try not to ask questions I'm not willing to take a beating for. I too suspect this too shall pass and I will feel all the worry was baseless. BUt right now, this is a pretty crappy spot I'm standing in, and I want to chart the BEST path back to where I wish to be.
I appreciate the advice.
Be well,
David