At what age should your kids be independent?

[RSKY]

There is a difference in helping your children and supporting them. My parents and my in-laws both helped us when we were younger and I intend to help both mine when I think they need help. I would rather do that than leave the money for Uncle Sam to waste.

 

[ovrszd]

I would tell my wife. We've tried it your way and it hasn't worked. Now, we're going to try it my way. If you're doing the same thing over and over & getting the same results .It's time to try something else

That's the clinical description of insanity. Doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.

 

[ovrszd]

There is a difference in helping your children and supporting them. My parents and my in-laws both helped us when we were younger and I intend to help both mine when I think they need help. I would rather do that than leave the money for Uncle Sam to waste.

I agree. With that said, this discussion really has little to do with money. Money is just the currency used to pay for the support, needed or not needed. The root of this discussion is about support.

 

[300UGUY]

I don't think there is any one answer. Every family situation is different. I will say that it very much harder to get started today. Few jobs pay enough to support a family, most families need 2 people working to survive.

 

[kenmac]

That's the clinical description of insanity. Doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.

That's correct. It's insane to keep helping children that keep doing the same thing. Doesn't matter what that thing is. In my son's case It's financial. As long as he can make a payment . He buys it. He's the type that will buy an auto without a care in the world what the final cost is, only what the payment is. I have tried to explain to him if he gets hurt at work and is off for an extended period he will be in trouble. I have made it clear. I will not bail him out of his debts. Tough love or bad parent ??

 

[vabiker23518]

I guess I'm just lucky, or my ex-wife and I am lucky...four kids. Youngest now 25. Each and everyone graduated college with no babies before marriage. The two that have children are both married. No one lives at home. Good parenting? Good luck? I don't know, but I feel blessed either way!

 

[Big Barn]

I think every situation creates different outcomes. My only daughter turns 13 this spring and I turn 63. Her mother passed away ten years ago and being brought up by a single dad has instilled an insightful and early maturing independence to her. She is already considering her career/travel options for the future and I'm really looking forward to her having to 'look after' me if I'm still around.

Terry

 

[dusty3030]

I hit the yellow footsteps at MCRD San Diego at age 17.
I was never given anything, I've worked for everything.
God has made it possible I see a path, I made it possible by following.
I have no sympathy for lazy, I will scrub toilets if need be to put food on the table and be glad for the hands God have me to do it.

Moral of the story, by trying to give our kids the best we've spoilt them. Shiftless used to be shameful.

 

[MossRoad]

A lot of it is hard work by the parents and a lot of it is luck. You could just as easily have a smart, healthy child or a mentally challenged child through no fault of your own. Knock on wood if your kids are happy and healthy. I've seen geniuses with slugs for children and not-so-bright folks with genius children and everything in between. I have a friend that has two children. One is a college grad, starting a career in the film industry. She's smart, getting independent and making good decisions. The other is (as he told me) just a couple point shy of being classified legally as mentally retarded. She can't hold a job, is easily manipulated by others and has been diagnosed with depression. He'll have to watch out for her for the rest of his life. So, sometimes when you see older children still living with their parents, there may be a good reason.... the child may not be able to function as an adult. Just one more thing to think about.

 

[HillStreet]

My nephew owns a small excavation company with 12 employees. He was interviewing candidates for a laborer job. One 19 year old came in for an interview and said he would only take a job at $100,000 a year because he needed the money for his lifestyle, and that he was a "go getter". He had no experience because he has never had a job.

I will never understand how somebody can be that far out of touch. I mean, really, didn't this guy ever have a father, uncle, or neighbor that worked for a living? He's in for a rough ride, that's for sure.

I raised my 2 kids in a small rural area where we pretty much did not have to compete with the spoiled kids with fancy cars and big allowances. Don't know, maybe that taught life lessons in hard work and not wanting too much.