At what age should your kids be independent?

[ovrszd]

I have no sympathy for lazy, I will scrub toilets if need be to put food on the table and be glad for the hands God have me to do it.

I've lost track of the number of times I've been told by young unemployed adults that either they can't find a job they like or there's just no jobs available. I'm 62 years old and can gain employment today. It won't be something I like. But as you said, toilet scrubbing is not disgraceful, it's employment.

 

[ovrszd]

I raised my 2 kids in a small rural area where we pretty much did not have to compete with the spoiled kids with fancy cars and big allowances. Don't know, maybe that taught life lessons in hard work and not wanting too much.

One of my Dad's favorite sayings applies here, "It's not having everything you want, it's wanting everything you have"

 

[kevin37b]

I was born in 1956 , Dad and his brother were farming 700 acres here in IL. By the time I was 8 I was helping them . 2X 4 strapped to clutch and brake pedals .Would get out of school to help , but had to make it up later . I could not have been any happier . I remember 2 Oliver Super 88,s IH 460 , and finally a new 4010 JD . Iwas so proud to be helping . I don't think proud counts anymore . The parents have the input on that , and it is not there . My Dad said if you want it you will work for it . He is 87 yrs old today and in good shape . That man has taught me everything , but I already knew everything . I look back and think how lucky I was . Tractors , family ,clothes , food , did I mention tractors ? My wife raised 3 daughters with basically no money . They are all working , married and grandsons to boot . I guess my point is no input , no output .

 

[texasjohn]

Agreed, this isn't a problem...it's an unfolding story of responsibility accepted...I can't wait to hear how it works out after completed education...hope he finds appropriate and full employment. Continued parental support is warranted IMHO.

If he is going to college full time while working part time and taking care of his two kids there is no way he could make it without help of parrents.

 

[houstonscott]

Guys...I don't have any kids myself, hence the query. A good friend of mine and his wife that are my age (over 60 and retired) are constantly being asked for help (financial, babysitting, etc) by their 29 year old son, who is unmarried with 2 young kids to support. He works part time and has two years of college and is working on a degree with his third year just beginning now. He does collect support for the kids and I am sure he tries to better his situation and he isn't afraid to work, BUT: When I was 22 years old I was completely independent and didn't need any help from my parents. and my brother who was two years younger didn't either. My brother has two sons, the eldest is 23 and neither of them ask for financial help from either parent and the younger one works 3 part time jobs to support himself. Maybe I am naive, but I don't really understand why my friend and his wife continue to help support their son, who should be able to do it on his own. So...I am asking, what is your opinion? For what it may be worth, I do admire my friend and his wife.

It's not the same America you grew up in, it's 1933, you just don't see the food lines, they were replaced by a card used at the grocery store. In many ways it's worse now for the young. I recommend you rethink what family means to you and get a plan. Having no kids yourself you may never understand. HS

 

[jbooth]

I don't think there is any one answer. Every family situation is different. I will say that it very much harder to get started today. Few jobs pay enough to support a family, most families need 2 people working to survive.

I agree. When I started I had the option of working in heavy industry such as refineries and power plants. All were good paying jobs. Those jobs are no longer available and have been replaced with part time less than minimum pay jobs at McDonalds and Wal-Mart. There are a few of the heavy industry jobs available, but connections are needed to get those jobs. We have a son and a daughter both mid thirties to 40ish. The son could buy me and give me away without being hurt, but the daughter still needs some help. I have told myself and the wife that helping her is not hard. What would be hard is her needing help and me not having the resources to offer that help. Both children were raised approximately the same.

Edit: I also had the option of farm/tractor/hayhauling work when in hi school. Now regulations and $300,000. tractors and machinery pretty well eliminated those opportunities for youngsters. + had to live in farming area to get those jobs anyway. I don't know how I would have survived without the farm jobs those early years.

 

[dusty3030]

I shared part of my story in an earlier post but here is some food for thought.

I read the article linked below last year and it sums up well the attitude of farmers local to me. You can't tell me anyone with a work ETHIC can't find some kind of job, even where I am from which is one of the poorest, highest unemployment areas in the country.

My Dad's mother and her family loaded up on a horse drawn wagon and came to Arkansas from Oklahoma to pick cotton to keep from starving. My Dad's father came to Arkansas from Mississippi as a boy (12 years old) because he heard there were jobs cutting timber - with a crosscut saw in the swamps mind you - to help support his family after his father was killed.

My Grandparents married and had 11 kids, all 11 have been gainfully employed all their lives, two with 30 year distinguished military careers. At last count there were 28 grandchildren, 32 great grand children and 4 great great grandchildren. Not that we haven't had our ups and downs but for the most part ALL of them are at least hardworking, productive people.

So, from my point of view, that is coming from humble people of humble means that even today if a person is willing to work there is SOME kind of gainful employment to be had. Whether we want to accept it or not America is lazy.

I love my Daddy dearly, but fact of the matter is when I was 15 he told me he had enough money to either help me or my sister a little for school, couldn't pay for either full out but could help with expenses some on one of us. He told me he was going to help my younger sister and not me because he knew I would work, just as I had been doing on the farm since I was 12 or so. He wanted me to be prepared, so I was and choose the Marine Corps. That wasn't mean, that wasn't selfish on his part, the way it was and I am thankful for it.

Ag immigration reform

 

[9973720wb19]

OP: i have two very independent boys 22 and 27. to answer your question, i believe the age children should be independent is age 1. meaning a parent should promote independence in an age appropriate manner as our children age. i think your friends might have fumbled the ball years ago. i wish them and their son the best...im sure neither is very happy.