Long-estranged sibling just passed away...

[kc5dlo]

Just oral instructions to your family, or in your will, or pre-paid with a contract?

I wonder how many people plan their own funerals in advance. I'd never known anyone to do that, other than buying a cemetery plot, until my Dad died. We have a son-in-law who is a funeral director/mortician/funeral home manager who handled everything the way Mother wanted. And my Dad had life insurance that not only covered the costs, but Mother decided to pre-pay for her own funeral. They had bought cemetery plots many years ago.

I guess some folks might consider it a bit morbid, but my wife and I have pre-paid and planned our own final party in advance.:laughing: Cremation (we selected the urns for the ashes), simple grave side service, and we selected and paid for the columbarium. It already has our names and dates of birth on it. The cemetery will add the dates of our deaths when the time comes.

In other words, our daughters, grandkids, siblings, etc. will have to do nothing but divide up the property (if we have anything left:laughing and we have wills for that.

Make sure your family has a copy of the receipts. My mom prepaid and planned her services just after my dad died. When she died, the funeral home denied that anything was paid in advance.

 

[dmccarty]

My brother just called me....turns out my elder step-sister (age 67) passed away yesterday....

You don't owe her or her kids anything, morally or legally. However, will you feel bad if you don't help pay for the service? If so, throw some money towards the service because it makes you feel better. No way are you obligated to her debts.

Later,
Dan

 

[comancheflight]

MossRoad - usually the stones have birth date. Laminate and tape a deceased date on it..for, say, early 2017? Should have good effect! Might put a trail camera to capture it

 

[kenmac]

I have known several that bought prepaid funeral plans.. the company went bankrupt .. they ,and many others lost it all. with no recourse.. I have never bought and never will buy prepaid funeral for this reason

 

[arpt209]

I have a plan. Dig my own grave on the top of a hill on the farm. I'll build my own casket. Leave instructions to put me in the box, make sure there's no movement, nail the lid on, listen for scratching sounds, put the box in the hole, listen again (real careful) for scratching sounds, push the dirt in on top. Yep, it's legal. Already checked.
Wifey wants something fancier. She can dig her own hole.

Forever estranged aunt died. I didn't even know of her existence. One of her offspring called to borrow money. Verified with my dad that yes she had been his sister. She had left with an aunt of theirs at birth since their mother died giving birth. Didn't know they existed until they thought it appropriate to ask for money. Goodbye.

 

[newbury]

Those of you who preplan your last move do a great service for those of us left.

My loving wife and I have been separated since mid-April because of the death of her uncle in Mississippi at age 95. (I'm up in Virginia to monitor a major addition to one of my houses)

He had been a true highly respected rocket scientist at NASA in Huntsville from it's inception until he retired about 30 years or so ago.

I mention that only to indicate he was smart and should have known better.

He had a habit of saving money and putting it in banks, many banks. As an executor of the estate SWMBO is in the process of tracking down his assets to pass on to his heirs. This often requires multiple persona visits to the banks to count the assets, sign notarized forms etc.

In addition there is the parsing out of the physical assets, often down to the last piece of flatware.

She is now estimating the process will take until October to get things settled.

She has been the executor on about 6 or so family members estates and only a couple have gone smoothly.

It's always amazed me that often "the girls" (or attendants of the elderly in their last days) virtually walk off with the place if they want to.

But the discussions on parceling out the mementos and bric-brac of little monetary value can be endless and with large families spread out over the states often takes months. One aunt who lived to about 92 made knitted blankets and patchwork quilts as a hobby. She must have had over 100. It took about 6 months of passing around photos and letters to divvy them up so no feelings were hurt. We now have a trunk or two of the ones my wife, daughter, and son's picked out. And they never get taken out of the trunks. I'm waiting for Hades to freeze over and I'll let all my emergency heat sources sit idle so they will pull them out and use them.

So for the sake of your heirs leave them a plan even for the small stuff. Or sell it all on flea-bay before your health declines.

 

[Bird]

You're sure right, newbury. I had an aunt who died with no will. By the time my uncle got that settled, he had learned that he needed to get a will made, so he did. And he named me as executor. So when he died I had a will to work with, and it still took a few months.

 

[Bird]

Make sure your family has a copy of the receipts. My mom prepaid and planned her services just after my dad died. When she died, the funeral home denied that anything was paid in advance.

Instead of just a receipt, we got a pretty detailed insurance contract.

 

[HillStreet]

Last year, my wife and I went to an attorney to arrange our affairs and buy our burial plot. It is not a big deal. Everything is now in place, just make a call when we die individually or together.

 

[comancheflight]

My mother had a trust set up. I thought you made the trustee the one most reliable. I was wrong, you pick the one you like the least.
It's a headache to say the least.
She was in the process of updating it but didn't quite make it. One of her second husbands kids (he was over 70) and is the wealthiest of the group contested me paying her property taxes and funeral expenses from the trust. We don't even see these people and most wouldn't recognize them if we did...ungrateful ...