Women

[part-time-Farmer-NC]

Been married for 45 years all to the same woman. She was 17, I was 18, my dad and her parents used to double date. Didn't have to get married if that's what your thinking.

I just knew she was the one for me. She LOVES me... Can't understand why much of the time. I can't say in the beginning we put God first but when we did it gave us tolerance for each other. God says to love your neighbor as yourself. That means addressing her needs as much as mine. Being kind even when I don't feel like it.

She and I believe I am the head of the house (as per God's design). That doesn't mean I rule the house. I am ruled by God, I am responsible for her and our family. I promised her father I would take care of her. I take that seriously although man have I made tons of mistakes. She forgives me, God forgives me and we move on, a lot!!!

There are many time when one or the other is carrying the load a little more than the other. We laugh a lot, we are together a lot, we each have hobbies that don't include the other. My list of interests are so long so sometimes I only halfway finish some... I buy stuff for future hobbies too. . She doesn't gripe about anything I buy, I don't gripe about the stuff she buys.

Not to say she doesn't worry me at times. When it's getting under my skin I usually go fishing or hunting. She knows that is cheaper than therapy... Or I work on the farm somewhere, clears my head.

Our money isn't mine or hers, we just share the stewardship together. I do and have been the primary earner for most of our marriage but never consider it "mine". Some larger items I will "run it by her" but she gives me full reign to mess up too. And I have, way too many times to count.

Heard many times if you want to know what woman will be like look at her mom. I can say that may be true, but she has many great qualities of her dad too, and her mom. It's like she was able to adapt to the best traits of each.

My advice to you is once you have known a person for 2 yrs if they aren't someone you want to spend the rest of your life, move on, get a dog, keep looking for another one. However understand we are not perfect beings nor will they be. Find one who LOVES you and it may work out.

But before you dump her (if that is your plan) and you want to see if she is the last one you'll ever be with, try LOVING her. Always speak kind words, kind gestures, think before you speak, hold your tongue if it isn't gonna help the situation. Neither of you can change the other one for long. So accept some "quirks" of hers just as she will have to accept your quirks.

Good luck in whatever you do.

 

[masseyrider]

A high school friend of mine works as an industrial electrician in one of the big plants.
In the day he bought a new house and paid for it in 3 years.
New cars from the company he works for every 2 years.
His motto was, "The person with the most toys wins."
He never worked overtime. Regular hours were more than enough.
He met a freshly divorced bimbo with kids.
They got married. She won't work because she wants to look after her kids. Grand evil spawn now.
He now works 24/7 if he can.
No more toys.
His house is a back split.
She controlled the main level and bedroom level.
He did a great finish of the recreation room level. Kids got that.
So he finished the true basement portion. She took that over as her sewing room.
She doesn't sew.
His man cave is the largish garden shed.
I haven't seen him in a few years so for all I know that might be the dogs abode.
He doesn't really need anything because he's always at work.

 

[2LaneCruzer]

Come August, Sharn Jean and I will have been married 62 years. We've had our problems, but I think I'll keep her now. The only advice I can give, is life is tenuous if you don't put the relationship and the family first...both of you. You will have to give up some things, sometimes big things...like going hunting every week end.

A very important lesson I learned a long time ago...if you meet someone who is toxic, get them out of your life ASAP and you will be miles ahead. Whether a friend or romantic interest.
Another thing...watch your mouth. Once you make an insult, it's there forever and never forgotten. She will never forget if you once called her a b***h.

 

[masseyrider]

Another thing...watch your mouth. Once you make an insult, it's there forever and never forgotten. She will never forget if you once called her a b***h.

They forgive and forget but never forget what they forgave.

 

[shooterdon]

Fact...43% of first marriages wind up in divorce. 60% of second marriages wind up in divorce.

What makes people think the 57% of first and 40% of second marriages that stay together are successful or "happy".

When you feel forced to stay together for the kids, or the relatives, or church or the reality of economics it makes a "happy" marriage a rare event. I know a few folks in those kinds of marriages. They say they are "happy' but they sure do not act that way.

 

[MossRoad]

Come August, Sharn Jean and I will have been married 62 years. We've had our problems, but I think I'll keep her now. The only advice I can give, is life is tenuous if you don't put the relationship and the family first...both of you. You will have to give up some things, sometimes big things...like going hunting every week end.

A very important lesson I learned a long time ago...if you meet someone who is toxic, get them out of your life ASAP and you will be miles ahead. Whether a friend or romantic interest.
Another thing...watch your mouth. Once you make an insult, it's there forever and never forgotten. She will never forget if you once called her a b***h.

Or dumb as a stump.

 

[MossRoad]

I'm hearing a lot of 'everyone in the chorus is off key but me'



Look, some folks just don't have the traits to be married. Nothing wrong with that. But better to at least acknowledge that it might be your traits than the 20 women you've met and given up on. Enjoy yourself. Have fun dating. But be up front about it.

 

[ponytug]

I'm hearing a lot of 'everyone in the chorus is off key but me'



...

That was a laugh out loud moment for me, for a bunch of reasons.

Thanks!

All the best,

Peter

 

[Dftodd]

Naive as I was when I got fitted for a ball and chain I genuinely expected the relationship to be a 50/50 partnership.
We would discuss the larger issues and come to mutual agreements. The smaller day to day things would be dealt with as needed individually but with an eye on the bigger relationship.
Once that band of gold went over her knuckles that all changed.
Her way or the proverbial highway.
No sharing of the rudder even if it would run us on to the reefs.
The only long term relationships I know of are ones where one or the other person is the dominant one.
That usually leaves her in charge and the man pulling the plough.
I'd prefer to occasionally be a bit lonely but I can always go out with a friend (if the wife lets him) and get over it.
Better than being miserable 24/7.

I can have have Doritos and soda for dinner or a full proper sit down meal. Nobody to give me crap except the Dr and I see him rarely.
I don't have to tolerate her family, friends or her issues.
If I see a good looking lady I can stare as long as I want or until it starts to get creepy.
I don't care aboot keeping up with the Joneses.
I don't need or want couch parasites called cushions so I threw them out.
My kitchen is classic oak. Fully functional and in excellent condition. I don't have to change it for IKEA cardboard crap like my friend did because it was "dated."
I don't have a man cave. My home is mine and I don't have to hide in a prescribed out of the way hole.
My living room is 28x18. Set up as a entertainment center. 98" TV, 7 speaker surround sound system. A floor to ceiling shelving unit to house my favorite videos which, yes, does include some po-n.
4 Large recliners and just a couple end tables for the snacks and beverages.
Try living like that and a myriad of other situations while being married.
Short term rentals are easily found to flush the plumbing. Asian, Latino... Any age from 18+. Size and shape as you like.
Believe me, I have envious friends who haven't had coitus in a decade or more.

I figured out the first year of marriage. What's hers is hers, and what's mine is hers (usually flannel shirts and sweats). Once I figured that out, it's been smooth sailing

 

[Runner]

Been married for 45 years all to the same woman. She was 17, I was 18, my dad and her parents used to double date. Didn't have to get married if that's what your thinking.

I just knew she was the one for me. She LOVES me... Can't understand why much of the time. I can't say in the beginning we put God first but when we did it gave us tolerance for each other. God says to love your neighbor as yourself. That means addressing her needs as much as mine. Being kind even when I don't feel like it.

She and I believe I am the head of the house (as per God's design). That doesn't mean I rule the house. I am ruled by God, I am responsible for her and our family. I promised her father I would take care of her. I take that seriously although man have I made tons of mistakes. She forgives me, God forgives me and we move on, a lot!!!

There are many time when one or the other is carrying the load a little more than the other. We laugh a lot, we are together a lot, we each have hobbies that don't include the other. My list of interests are so long so sometimes I only halfway finish some... I buy stuff for future hobbies too. . She doesn't gripe about anything I buy, I don't gripe about the stuff she buys.

Not to say she doesn't worry me at times. When it's getting under my skin I usually go fishing or hunting. She knows that is cheaper than therapy... Or I work on the farm somewhere, clears my head.

Our money isn't mine or hers, we just share the stewardship together. I do and have been the primary earner for most of our marriage but never consider it "mine". Some larger items I will "run it by her" but she gives me full reign to mess up too. And I have, way too many times to count.

Heard many times if you want to know what woman will be like look at her mom. I can say that may be true, but she has many great qualities of her dad too, and her mom. It's like she was able to adapt to the best traits of each.

My advice to you is once you have known a person for 2 yrs if they aren't someone you want to spend the rest of your life, move on, get a dog, keep looking for another one. However understand we are not perfect beings nor will they be. Find one who LOVES you and it may work out.

But before you dump her (if that is your plan) and you want to see if she is the last one you'll ever be with, try LOVING her. Always speak kind words, kind gestures, think before you speak, hold your tongue if it isn't gonna help the situation. Neither of you can change the other one for long. So accept some "quirks" of hers just as she will have to accept your quirks.

Good luck in whatever you do.

What he said ^^

Plus, repeat from another thread:
As someone who got married at age 40, 10 years after a divorce, and who has been married for 25 years this month, I believe it all comes down to respect and trust. You have to trust your partner enough to know you don't have to "monitor" everything they do to make sure it meets with your approval. You have to respect your partner enough to KNOW they are going to make the right decision in a given situation.

You have to respect the person enough to ignore those weird little issues that WE ALL have. You have to be willing to let little things go, to the point of deliberately not saying anything, even with your significant other "messes up", because, I guarantee you, you will screw something up the next time.... and you will appreciate and respect the fact that your partner doesn't throw it in your face.

You need to get to know someone well enough to trust and respect each other completely, in order to have a relationship that works, IMHO.