First Marriage in your 60’s?

[EscapedSuburbia]

A friend of mine who's in his mid 70s recently got married after being single for the last 50 years. The thing I'm trying to get my head around is how do you get over the little quirks people develop after living alone so long? Throw pillows everywhere, which shelf the toothpaste goes on, does the bed get made every day? I know these are tiny, inconsequential things but people who live alone get into habits and it has to be hard negotiating the hundreds of daily little changes that come with a partner. My wife and I got married in our 20s so we didn't have decades to develop habits and preferences so we didn't have much trouble navigating living together. I'm fascinated that people who've lived alone a long time can accommodate all those little daily compromises. Maybe we just get more laid back as we age.

 

[Torvy]

It's all about willingness to change, or at least tolerate differences. After 35 years, we still drive each other crazy and we were married in our 20s, too.

We always say if there's more than one way to do something, we will pick different ways. Sometimes that's useful. Other times it makes 2 type A people nuts!

 

[Runner]

A friend of mine who's in his mid 70s recently got married after being single for the last 50 years. The thing I'm trying to get my head around is how do you get over the little quirks people develop after living alone so long? Throw pillows everywhere, which shelf the toothpaste goes on, does the bed get made every day? I know these are tiny, inconsequential things but people who live alone get into habits and it has to be hard negotiating the hundreds of daily little changes that come with a partner. My wife and I got married in our 20s so we didn't have decades to develop habits and preferences so we didn't have much trouble navigating living together. I'm fascinated that people who've lived alone a long time can accommodate all those little daily compromises. Maybe we just get more laid back as we age.

As someone who got married at age 40, 10 years after a divorce, and who has been married for 25 years this month, I believe it all comes down to respect and trust. You have to trust your partner enough to know you don't have to "monitor" everything they do to make sure it meets with your approval. You have to respect your partner enough to KNOW they are going to make the right decision in a given situation.

You have to respect the person enough to ignore those weird little issues that WE ALL have. You have to be willing to let little things go, to the point of deliberately not saying anything, even with your significant other "messes up", because, I guarantee you, you will screw something up the next time.... and you will appreciate and respect the fact that your partner doesn't throw it in your face.

You need to get to know someone well enough to trust and respect each other completely, in order to have a relationship that works, IMHO.

 

[MattB4]

A friend of mine who's in his mid 70s recently got married after being single for the last 50 years. The thing I'm trying to get my head around is how do you get over the little quirks people develop after living alone so long? ...

It most often does not work out. Previously married or even those that with a live in companion are used to the compromises that must be made. Solitaries like your friend, if they are still independent of care, are almost never going to want to make the necessary changes.

I never married, although I was not opposed when younger, but now I am in my 60'S I see no reason to. Problem with younger women is, unlike a dog or cat that lives at most 15-20 years, they can live 50 or more. Way too long to put up with at my age.

 

[drssg]

It most often does not work out. Previously married or even those that with a live in companion are used to the compromises that must be made. Solitaries like your friend, if they are still independent of care, are almost never going to want to make the necessary changes.

I never married, although I was not opposed when younger, but now I am in my 60'S I see no reason to. Problem with younger women is, unlike a dog or cat that lives at most 15-20 years, they can live 50 or more. Way too long to put up with at my age.

That sounds like the gold digger philosophy. She can marry some old guy, and it's like getting a dog that will leave you a big inheritance!

 

[MossRoad]

As someone who got married at age 40, 10 years after a divorce, and who has been married for 25 years this month, I believe it all comes down to respect and trust. You have to trust your partner enough to know you don't have to "monitor" everything they do to make sure it meets with your approval. You have to respect your partner enough to KNOW they are going to make the right decision in a given situation.

You have to respect the person enough to ignore those weird little issues that WE ALL have. You have to be willing to let little things go, to the point of deliberately not saying anything, even with your significant other "messes up", because, I guarantee you, you will screw something up the next time.... and you will appreciate and respect the fact that your partner doesn't throw it in your face.

You need to get to know someone well enough to trust and respect each other completely, in order to have a relationship that works, IMHO.

Happy Anniversary!

I send this to my kid and her husband every year... there's a longer version, but this is just as annoying.

 

[ultrarunner]

Several of my older friends surprised me remarrying after becoming a widow.

They all said the same… been married too long to be single…

They all married within 10 years of their age and often also a widow…

One of my friends said retirement communities have 3 or 4 single women for every single man…

 

[jyoutz]

Next weekend I’m traveling to attend a brother in laws wedding. They are both mid 50s and never married. Both work in ranching. Kinda implausible but good for them.

 

[MossRoad]

Several of my older friends surprised me remarrying after becoming a widow.

They all said the same… been married too long to be single…

They all married within 10 years of their age and often also a widow…

One of my friends said retirement communities have 3 or 4 single women for every single man…

I'm sure I've mentioned before that we encouraged my father join a club for widows and widowers after my mom passed away. He was always a social guy, and we didn't want to see him alone.

He said there were about 20 people in the club. 18 women and he and another guy. Let's just say his dance card was full.

 

[ultrarunner]

As for kids… I was on my friends wedding… the couple were good friends in High School and went off to college… he off to medical school but switched to be a pharmacist and she to nursing school.

She came to visit his mom during Christmas and mom said I don’t care if 3 hours time zone I’m calling my son and they reconnected…

She ver much wanted kids but after 20 years of marriage said it’s not happening… take the college fund and buy the car you want…

At age 49 she became pregnant with triplets… so excited and he was in shock saying how did this happen?

At 60 he had a heart attack at home… left wife with 10 year old triplets… grand parents and uncles and aunts had all passed away before… good kids and decayed mom…

People plan but life is a wild card…