BAD BAD Neighbor
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ByronBob
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Oh, I thought this was for you not your folks. If they will be there after you get things done then maybe the person will feel different about it. I just have vivid recollections of growing up next to PITA's and it's to me not worth it.
We can respectfully disagree anytime. I just think all this get even stuff isn't right either. Because having something like this consume you isn't a way to live. I saw my dad do this for 10 years and it was sad.
We can respectfully disagree anytime. I just think all this get even stuff isn't right either. Because having something like this consume you isn't a way to live. I saw my dad do this for 10 years and it was sad.
Hakim
Moderator
Hi,
Professional counselors would say that if someone dislikes you without an apparent reason, it's most likely they feel that you dislike them or they in some way feel threatened by you, or you remind them of traits they don't like in themselves.
Many of the advices suggested here have been "tit for tat" and "get even" tactics. I disagree strongly with such behaviors, which will only harden attitudes and likely make the situation worse.
The solution is to make the person feel good about himself -- through praise, having him share in a project with you, self-depreciating behavior (by you), etc.
You have only been on this land a little more than a year. In "the country," it usually takes much longer, a few years at least for newcomers really to be "accepted". Think of those who live in the areas as like the roots of the oak trees, deep.
It appears also that you have started doing fairly major (and perhaps to him expensive) projects, and maybe he feels that his own space and lifestyle is somehow threatened, or may be in the future. He may feel you are "superior" to him financially, or in some other way.
Perhaps when you were told the neighbor complained about the "green vapor," you could have asked him to come and show you exactly where this noxious gas was, because you sure don't want that kind of polluition, and appreciate his pointing it out.
I am not saying that he or you is right or wrong. But when you say "I am asking advice before I strangle this guy and serve jail time. Yes, I am at that point," you obviously are not in control of the situation. I doubt your wife would agree on a potential solution that would earn you a jail term?
If you expect to live next door to this person with your parents for the next 10 years or more, you need to reach some accommodation. For you to steel yourself and "pay him back" for every deed of his, will only make life a horror for all of you. Have your wife cook up as meal, or bake some cookies and take them over and give them to him, say she "made too many" and give them to him.
You need to give him an impression of you that is somehow positive, and elicit behavoirs in him beyond angry glares from behind the curtain.
Most people cannot remain angry after receiving heartfelt gifts. It is embedded in human nature to repay a gift with a gift, kindness with kindness. It is the easiest way to dissolve anger and discord.
I recommend the book "Make Peace with Anyone: Breakthrough Strategies to Quickly End Any Conflict, Feud, or Estrangement," by Dr,. David Lieberman. He has dozens of insights and superb tactics that will surely help you find a favorable end to these conflicts. It may take some weeks, several interactions, but you need to work toward solutions, not embittered "paybacks."
Link to Amazon
If you are actually convinced that there is no chance whatsoever for a positive resolution resulting in a happy and peaceful life for you AND him, then move.
There is an old saying in the East, "When looking for a new home, first find good neighbors." I always check into the situation of neighbors, especially in rural environments. We lived in rural upstate New York for more than 20 years. We did have various incidents with neighbors similar to what you describe. We sucked up our ego, granted real respect to those who were there before us, and found a way to live in peace.
All the best.
Professional counselors would say that if someone dislikes you without an apparent reason, it's most likely they feel that you dislike them or they in some way feel threatened by you, or you remind them of traits they don't like in themselves.
Many of the advices suggested here have been "tit for tat" and "get even" tactics. I disagree strongly with such behaviors, which will only harden attitudes and likely make the situation worse.
The solution is to make the person feel good about himself -- through praise, having him share in a project with you, self-depreciating behavior (by you), etc.
You have only been on this land a little more than a year. In "the country," it usually takes much longer, a few years at least for newcomers really to be "accepted". Think of those who live in the areas as like the roots of the oak trees, deep.
It appears also that you have started doing fairly major (and perhaps to him expensive) projects, and maybe he feels that his own space and lifestyle is somehow threatened, or may be in the future. He may feel you are "superior" to him financially, or in some other way.
Perhaps when you were told the neighbor complained about the "green vapor," you could have asked him to come and show you exactly where this noxious gas was, because you sure don't want that kind of polluition, and appreciate his pointing it out.
I am not saying that he or you is right or wrong. But when you say "I am asking advice before I strangle this guy and serve jail time. Yes, I am at that point," you obviously are not in control of the situation. I doubt your wife would agree on a potential solution that would earn you a jail term?
If you expect to live next door to this person with your parents for the next 10 years or more, you need to reach some accommodation. For you to steel yourself and "pay him back" for every deed of his, will only make life a horror for all of you. Have your wife cook up as meal, or bake some cookies and take them over and give them to him, say she "made too many" and give them to him.
You need to give him an impression of you that is somehow positive, and elicit behavoirs in him beyond angry glares from behind the curtain.
Most people cannot remain angry after receiving heartfelt gifts. It is embedded in human nature to repay a gift with a gift, kindness with kindness. It is the easiest way to dissolve anger and discord.
I recommend the book "Make Peace with Anyone: Breakthrough Strategies to Quickly End Any Conflict, Feud, or Estrangement," by Dr,. David Lieberman. He has dozens of insights and superb tactics that will surely help you find a favorable end to these conflicts. It may take some weeks, several interactions, but you need to work toward solutions, not embittered "paybacks."
Link to Amazon
If you are actually convinced that there is no chance whatsoever for a positive resolution resulting in a happy and peaceful life for you AND him, then move.
There is an old saying in the East, "When looking for a new home, first find good neighbors." I always check into the situation of neighbors, especially in rural environments. We lived in rural upstate New York for more than 20 years. We did have various incidents with neighbors similar to what you describe. We sucked up our ego, granted real respect to those who were there before us, and found a way to live in peace.
All the best.
YanmarFever
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Mark
check it out & see who the local god father is for your area.
Maybe he would like to wake up with one of his horses at the foot of his bed.
The Ern. /forums/images/graemlins/smirk.gif
ps. anything can be arranged /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif $$$
check it out & see who the local god father is for your area.
Maybe he would like to wake up with one of his horses at the foot of his bed.
The Ern. /forums/images/graemlins/smirk.gif
ps. anything can be arranged /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif $$$
Wannafish
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Mark,
You think you've got a bad neighbor...let me tell you about mine.
He called me up and said my dog had gotten loose during the day, tore open his garbage bags and spread it all over his lawn. Said something about this was a warning, next time he'd shoot it. I politely apolagized and said I'd be right over to clean it up...nothing doing...he'd already done it!
Two days later my wife inadvertently let the dog out while hanging up laundry...the dog went straight to the neighbors house...it must have been great fun the first time. /forums/images/graemlins/crazy.gif
Neighbor calls me up again. His wife had went to town and left the back door slightly ajar. He was sitting in his living room and dozed off. He awoke to my dog sitting next to his chair nuzzling his hand... /forums/images/graemlins/shocked.gif. He offered to buy her. Said she was the nicest dog he had ever seen.
This neighbor now takes care of "Brandy" when we go out of town. /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif
You think you've got a bad neighbor...let me tell you about mine.
He called me up and said my dog had gotten loose during the day, tore open his garbage bags and spread it all over his lawn. Said something about this was a warning, next time he'd shoot it. I politely apolagized and said I'd be right over to clean it up...nothing doing...he'd already done it!
Two days later my wife inadvertently let the dog out while hanging up laundry...the dog went straight to the neighbors house...it must have been great fun the first time. /forums/images/graemlins/crazy.gif
Neighbor calls me up again. His wife had went to town and left the back door slightly ajar. He was sitting in his living room and dozed off. He awoke to my dog sitting next to his chair nuzzling his hand... /forums/images/graemlins/shocked.gif. He offered to buy her. Said she was the nicest dog he had ever seen.
This neighbor now takes care of "Brandy" when we go out of town. /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif
ByronBob
Veteran Member
Mark,
I wish you the best. Maybe some of the other idea's here are better than mine. My dad felt like the others did here. Dig a trench, forget compromise, tit for tat, I'll never give into the heathens next door.
But it grinds on you. The law become good friends of yours. You subconsiously think what will the neighbor do if I do this or that. (You've already go this going on). As time goes on you might even be drinking buddies who knows.
I saw the war, been there done that, you may win in the long run and my idea of cutting bait isn't the only one. If you do get somewhere with the curtain hugger let us know. For your sake I hope I'm wrong.
The "Great State of Texas" hmmm.....for all that land available you found the bad spot I guess. Makes you wonder what you did to God to get him mad. /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif
I wish you the best. Maybe some of the other idea's here are better than mine. My dad felt like the others did here. Dig a trench, forget compromise, tit for tat, I'll never give into the heathens next door.
But it grinds on you. The law become good friends of yours. You subconsiously think what will the neighbor do if I do this or that. (You've already go this going on). As time goes on you might even be drinking buddies who knows.
I saw the war, been there done that, you may win in the long run and my idea of cutting bait isn't the only one. If you do get somewhere with the curtain hugger let us know. For your sake I hope I'm wrong.
The "Great State of Texas" hmmm.....for all that land available you found the bad spot I guess. Makes you wonder what you did to God to get him mad. /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif
May work, may not. I have a neighbor who apparently doesn't like the fence I put up on federal property I abut. It was erected to keep the atv/snowmobiling trespassing creeps out. I spoke with the park ranger before doing so, and put up the post and rail type at his suggestion. I see the neighbor staring at the fence after I started and see him on his cell phone. The next day we get a visit from the assessor, some issue with our property tax rate. I notice we are the only property on his clipboard. I provide him with a copy of the survey map and send him on his way with a smile. It still irritates me this guy tries to make trouble for us when we have done no wrong. I won't be making any overtures any time soon.
Bob_Skurka
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Hakim, I would wholeheartedly agree with much of what you wrote and I think that the FIRST course of action should be to be neighborly, engaging, helpful, polite, self depricating and humble. To me the concept of "turn the other cheek" is something I try to practice. I've taken more than one proverbial hit on many occasions.
But there comes a time when backing down once again is only asking for another slap because the first few slaps were taken so well. Sometimes, some people will simply not respond to reasonable action. In those cases then bringing the entire legal system down upon them with overwhelming force is often the best answer. I disagree with the folks who want to have the biker parties and do any other overt actions. Those are things that can easily be taken as physical threats. Talking it out is always the best recourse, and 90% of the time it will work. In this case I believe that things are so far beyond reasonable that talk will not work because the neighbor won't even take part in that.
I can very easily live on my land without being friends with my neighbors. It sounds like Mark would be happy to live there and be left alone. In my case there are 2 "neighbors" I am friends with, both live a reasonable distance away. I've never invited any of my physically close neighbors to dinner and never been invited. I rarely talk with any of them. I moved to were I moved because I like the land. My property is my oasis. My friends and family are not the people who live beside me. I didn't buy my land to make new friends. Don't misunderstand, I am friendly, but I am also reasonably private when I cross that property line. Now bear in mind I am observant, I watch out for my neighbors and they watch out for me. We are all friendly, we know each other's names, we know most of the kids and pets names too. But being a good neighbor does not require close friendship. It requires respect for their property.
I think there are many in the country who are like me, we simply want our own slice of nirvana and to be left alone on it. Expecting Mark to either MOVE or make friends with this guy may not work financially for him, and it may not work for a dozen other reasons.
But there comes a time when backing down once again is only asking for another slap because the first few slaps were taken so well. Sometimes, some people will simply not respond to reasonable action. In those cases then bringing the entire legal system down upon them with overwhelming force is often the best answer. I disagree with the folks who want to have the biker parties and do any other overt actions. Those are things that can easily be taken as physical threats. Talking it out is always the best recourse, and 90% of the time it will work. In this case I believe that things are so far beyond reasonable that talk will not work because the neighbor won't even take part in that.
I can very easily live on my land without being friends with my neighbors. It sounds like Mark would be happy to live there and be left alone. In my case there are 2 "neighbors" I am friends with, both live a reasonable distance away. I've never invited any of my physically close neighbors to dinner and never been invited. I rarely talk with any of them. I moved to were I moved because I like the land. My property is my oasis. My friends and family are not the people who live beside me. I didn't buy my land to make new friends. Don't misunderstand, I am friendly, but I am also reasonably private when I cross that property line. Now bear in mind I am observant, I watch out for my neighbors and they watch out for me. We are all friendly, we know each other's names, we know most of the kids and pets names too. But being a good neighbor does not require close friendship. It requires respect for their property.
I think there are many in the country who are like me, we simply want our own slice of nirvana and to be left alone on it. Expecting Mark to either MOVE or make friends with this guy may not work financially for him, and it may not work for a dozen other reasons.
skent
Platinum Member
Very well said!
johnday
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roho; Okay, I'll sit this one out. Sounded like it might be fun though /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif
Welcome to TBN too! /forums/images/graemlins/cool.gif
Welcome to TBN too! /forums/images/graemlins/cool.gif
YanmarFever
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Bob good advice !!
My wife & I just took the slaps from our old neighbors for quite a while, & you are right ,they just get off on it & look for more ways to harrass you again.
It continued until we hired the hammer, it was all fine & dandy after that.
Some people can dish it out but they cant take return fire at all.
I think its bejond words with the curtain hugger, and time Mark returns fire and see if it shakes his tree too.
Just my opinion folks.
My wife & I just took the slaps from our old neighbors for quite a while, & you are right ,they just get off on it & look for more ways to harrass you again.
It continued until we hired the hammer, it was all fine & dandy after that.
Some people can dish it out but they cant take return fire at all.
I think its bejond words with the curtain hugger, and time Mark returns fire and see if it shakes his tree too.
Just my opinion folks.
OP
mark777
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Hakim,
I am not sure if what you state is applicable. My situation, although may not be unique, It is different. This is not neighbors disputing property lines, children or animals out of control, or even unsightly junk. In fact I can't think of anything that he or I have done to impact or initiate any argument as property owners. My building, and new home site are on the far side with well over 200' from his driveway.
In retrospect, our limited conversations were friendly enough, only engaging in the new flood plain maps, where the water runoff goes, and idle chit chat. Neither of us would be accused of being long winded conversationalist.
This is what I know: Before the dust settled after my second truck load of crushed concrete for my driveway, the county inspector was there. It is not that I didn't want to play by county rules, more like I didn't have the rule book. From that point on the neighbor must have suspected I was aware or informed of what he did. I was not. I was aware that the inspector was following up on a complaint and that is all I knew.
Bob Skurka's explanation of privacy and respect is very accurate and inline with my believes and lifestyle. The neighbors lifestyle, hobby or preoccupation is setting up constant hurdles and obstacles and the thrill of manipulating me and hoping I give up and go away.
I am very glad I posted my concerns. The TBN members opened my eyes and provided me with much to think about and how to approach my problem. I have ruled out all of the less than legal ones, but it was taken light heartedly anyway....and the humor is good medicine.
Regards, Mark
I am not sure if what you state is applicable. My situation, although may not be unique, It is different. This is not neighbors disputing property lines, children or animals out of control, or even unsightly junk. In fact I can't think of anything that he or I have done to impact or initiate any argument as property owners. My building, and new home site are on the far side with well over 200' from his driveway.
In retrospect, our limited conversations were friendly enough, only engaging in the new flood plain maps, where the water runoff goes, and idle chit chat. Neither of us would be accused of being long winded conversationalist.
This is what I know: Before the dust settled after my second truck load of crushed concrete for my driveway, the county inspector was there. It is not that I didn't want to play by county rules, more like I didn't have the rule book. From that point on the neighbor must have suspected I was aware or informed of what he did. I was not. I was aware that the inspector was following up on a complaint and that is all I knew.
Bob Skurka's explanation of privacy and respect is very accurate and inline with my believes and lifestyle. The neighbors lifestyle, hobby or preoccupation is setting up constant hurdles and obstacles and the thrill of manipulating me and hoping I give up and go away.
I am very glad I posted my concerns. The TBN members opened my eyes and provided me with much to think about and how to approach my problem. I have ruled out all of the less than legal ones, but it was taken light heartedly anyway....and the humor is good medicine.
Regards, Mark
MarkV
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Terrible situation and I am sorry you are going through it Mark. Some people are hard to figure and it sounds to me like this isn’t something you have caused as much as something anyone who changed the property would have faced.
I don’t have a clear picture of this guy yet. How large is his property to be able to support horses? Does he live alone? Is he there full time or does he go to work? What is the general condition of his property? How old would you guess him?
It sounds like he wanted the property and could not work out the deal. Is he afraid that a newly done place will make his look bad? Or, what you are doing will decrease his property value and its esthetics?
It’s hard to work something out with someone who runs when approached so talking it through is not likely. You write well so how about sending him a letter asking if you have unintentionally done something that has upset him. Let him know that if you have unknowingly done something you would like a chance to change the situation and try to work something out. Let him know you bought the property with every intention of being a good neighbor.
If that doesn’t bring a response I’d try to work around him with the inspector. It’s a pain for the inspector also and after a point he will understand it is a crazy neighbor and not give you a hard time.
If you are still having trouble I would go the lawyer route and have a letter sent threatening a harassment suit plus damages for time lost and expenses. Remember though, you will never have a friendly neighbor relationship once you send a treat from a lawyer to him.
I also agree that you should start documenting everything now even if you never need it. When written down with time and date it carries a great deal of weight in the legal system.
Good luck,
MarkV
I don’t have a clear picture of this guy yet. How large is his property to be able to support horses? Does he live alone? Is he there full time or does he go to work? What is the general condition of his property? How old would you guess him?
It sounds like he wanted the property and could not work out the deal. Is he afraid that a newly done place will make his look bad? Or, what you are doing will decrease his property value and its esthetics?
It’s hard to work something out with someone who runs when approached so talking it through is not likely. You write well so how about sending him a letter asking if you have unintentionally done something that has upset him. Let him know that if you have unknowingly done something you would like a chance to change the situation and try to work something out. Let him know you bought the property with every intention of being a good neighbor.
If that doesn’t bring a response I’d try to work around him with the inspector. It’s a pain for the inspector also and after a point he will understand it is a crazy neighbor and not give you a hard time.
If you are still having trouble I would go the lawyer route and have a letter sent threatening a harassment suit plus damages for time lost and expenses. Remember though, you will never have a friendly neighbor relationship once you send a treat from a lawyer to him.
I also agree that you should start documenting everything now even if you never need it. When written down with time and date it carries a great deal of weight in the legal system.
Good luck,
MarkV
OP
mark777
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MarkV,
His property is about the size of mine, maybe a little smaller when comparing plat maps. About 2 acres, and his front half is well manicured. Nicer than mine. But my property is improving by each visit I make. It was the neighborhood dumping grounds while vacant for a few years and as of now in much better condition.
He is married with a grown daughter (I think) maybe late 40s or early 50s age wise. Works full time days.
Yes, he wanted this property badly. When I was at the closing table with the divorced previous owners, the husband was insulted that he (neighbor) offered 1/4 of the appraised value to his x wife. I gave them their asking price as they had just installed a "Hoot" on site aerobics sewage system for over $7K. I had it checked out and it was indeed very new.
As for the rest pertaining to his actions and behavior, I am in the dark. Can't even guess what he is up to or try next.
Thank you for the kind words.
Mark
His property is about the size of mine, maybe a little smaller when comparing plat maps. About 2 acres, and his front half is well manicured. Nicer than mine. But my property is improving by each visit I make. It was the neighborhood dumping grounds while vacant for a few years and as of now in much better condition.
He is married with a grown daughter (I think) maybe late 40s or early 50s age wise. Works full time days.
Yes, he wanted this property badly. When I was at the closing table with the divorced previous owners, the husband was insulted that he (neighbor) offered 1/4 of the appraised value to his x wife. I gave them their asking price as they had just installed a "Hoot" on site aerobics sewage system for over $7K. I had it checked out and it was indeed very new.
As for the rest pertaining to his actions and behavior, I am in the dark. Can't even guess what he is up to or try next.
Thank you for the kind words.
Mark
Bob_Skurka
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2 acres and he can have horses!!! Wow, I have ~10 acres and I found out I cannot have a horse on my property because the average lot size in my area is under 5 acres. I don't know if that is a county or state regulation (I suspect county). I had been told that you could have a horse on 5 acres or more where I live. The neighbor to my north has 6 acres and he cannot have a horse either (and he really wanted one). I did find out that while I can't have a horse, I can have a cow. Go figure.
JimR
Elite Member
Mark,
This person feels that you ripped him off from getting the property for peanuts. That is why he is making your life miserable. If you weren't there to buy the property, he feels that he would have gotten it for 1/4 it's value. I would install a fence high enough so that he cannot in any way look over to see what you are doing. Block him out completely. Then if he does peek over on a ladder or whatever you can file a complaint against him for harrassment. This jerk needs a lesson taught to him. He reminds me of an old friend of mine who's father had a problem with a fellow worker. Seems this guy kept trying to get him fired. My friend and I started following the guy around using different cars that we would borrow from our friends. We were just teenagers back then and pretty wild kids. We followed him to work and from work to home. The guy was really getting scared. But it didn't stop him from being a complete **** towards the other guy. So we stepped it up a little bit and shattered his car windows. After the 3rd time he backed off and never gave my friends father a hard time anymore. Maybe you can have a few friends follow him around and just stare at him.
This person feels that you ripped him off from getting the property for peanuts. That is why he is making your life miserable. If you weren't there to buy the property, he feels that he would have gotten it for 1/4 it's value. I would install a fence high enough so that he cannot in any way look over to see what you are doing. Block him out completely. Then if he does peek over on a ladder or whatever you can file a complaint against him for harrassment. This jerk needs a lesson taught to him. He reminds me of an old friend of mine who's father had a problem with a fellow worker. Seems this guy kept trying to get him fired. My friend and I started following the guy around using different cars that we would borrow from our friends. We were just teenagers back then and pretty wild kids. We followed him to work and from work to home. The guy was really getting scared. But it didn't stop him from being a complete **** towards the other guy. So we stepped it up a little bit and shattered his car windows. After the 3rd time he backed off and never gave my friends father a hard time anymore. Maybe you can have a few friends follow him around and just stare at him.
eee
Gold Member
Hakim,
I like your style !!!
You are a wise and noble man. /forums/images/graemlins/cool.gif
I like your style !!!
You are a wise and noble man. /forums/images/graemlins/cool.gif
Henro
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I would give careful consideration to Hakim's advice. I think he has his head on straight and even if it may at first sound like giving in or Kissing the neighbor's apple, for lack of a better term... /forums/images/graemlins/blush.gif ...the goal is to improve the situation, and to be the winner...even if the net solution does not feel like winning at all.
That being said, an apple is an apple, and sometimes an apple cannot be changed into anything but an apple.
And somehow I just get the feeling that your neighbor is genetically a real solid apple.
So I think it is maybe important to evaluate relative power positions. If it is likely that you can return grief to the neighbor, in equal or greater amounts than he gives you, perhaps taking the offensive will be worth the effort.
Costs. What is the nieghbor's financial situation? Can you estimate it? Can you affort to waste some of you resources taking some of his away? Meaningless law suit that you know you will lose but still will cause him to spend money on an attorney comes to mind. Costs you to take money from him. May hurt him more than you. May feel good but costs you something. Worth it or not? Only you can decide.
Now, are you really sure he is the guilty party? I know it looks like it, but you said the inspector would not tell you who called. Would be pretty bad if you focused your efforts are the wrong person. Get some evidence that you can trust before you go too far in any direction. Wrong direction is a waste of effort and could turn a neutral against you. Don't want that.
Again, give serious thought to Hakim's advice. I know it is in some ways contrary to what I personally might be inclined to do, at least in some cases, but the goal is to maximize one's desires, regardless of how that is accomplished. Myself, I might not resist tucking my tail between my legs for a bit, if that resulted in my attaining the solution that I wanted.
The goal is to get what you want. You can hurt the guy doing it, you can kiss his apple doing it if it is easier for you. For me kissing the apple is much harder than confrontation...but there is no doubt it works better sometimes.
Hope this makes some sense...confrontation is not always the best method...not always the worst method either...all depends on the situation...
Good luck. Hope things work out...
That being said, an apple is an apple, and sometimes an apple cannot be changed into anything but an apple.
And somehow I just get the feeling that your neighbor is genetically a real solid apple.
So I think it is maybe important to evaluate relative power positions. If it is likely that you can return grief to the neighbor, in equal or greater amounts than he gives you, perhaps taking the offensive will be worth the effort.
Costs. What is the nieghbor's financial situation? Can you estimate it? Can you affort to waste some of you resources taking some of his away? Meaningless law suit that you know you will lose but still will cause him to spend money on an attorney comes to mind. Costs you to take money from him. May hurt him more than you. May feel good but costs you something. Worth it or not? Only you can decide.
Now, are you really sure he is the guilty party? I know it looks like it, but you said the inspector would not tell you who called. Would be pretty bad if you focused your efforts are the wrong person. Get some evidence that you can trust before you go too far in any direction. Wrong direction is a waste of effort and could turn a neutral against you. Don't want that.
Again, give serious thought to Hakim's advice. I know it is in some ways contrary to what I personally might be inclined to do, at least in some cases, but the goal is to maximize one's desires, regardless of how that is accomplished. Myself, I might not resist tucking my tail between my legs for a bit, if that resulted in my attaining the solution that I wanted.
The goal is to get what you want. You can hurt the guy doing it, you can kiss his apple doing it if it is easier for you. For me kissing the apple is much harder than confrontation...but there is no doubt it works better sometimes.
Hope this makes some sense...confrontation is not always the best method...not always the worst method either...all depends on the situation...
Good luck. Hope things work out...
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