Dad off of Tractor now...

[bones1]

""you immediately lose that old reliable life compass when your parents go....that easy conversation of "let's ask Dad" doesn't happen anymore....its all on you". I'm with you on that Champy.

 

[Farmwithjunk]

My dad lost his battle with a brain tumor Jan. 18th of 2001 at age 88. Almost every day I recall a few events of that last year of his life and the days shortly after he left us.

One event was the day he told me that he wasn't going to attempt to renew his drivers license. I spent the better part of 5 years leading up to that point trying to get him to quit driving. That day I would have given my right arm to hear him say he wasn't going to give it up.

He had a long talk with me 2 days before he died. He knew what the rest of us refused to see. His time was done. As we finished up the conversation, he let me know "it's your turn now." 2 days later I realized what he meant.

The toughest thing I ever had to do was to go pick out his coffin. That's when it hit me. I was "dad" to the entire family now. I had some mighty big shoes to fill.

Then I found out there was one more thing even tougher than picking out a casket. We had to auction off dads business and the farm. That took 2 days. At the end of day 2, I was helping auction buyers load their purchases. Around 7pm, I loaded the last one. He bought a bunch of shovels, rakes, axes, ect. As I put the last one in the bed of this guys truck, it hit me. The stuff my father made a living with, the stuff that put food on our table, the stuff that paid my way through school, everything...... was all down to one last long handled shovel. I almost couldn't let loose of it.

Dad would have laughed at me that day, the way I held on to that old shovel. And the way I hold on to the memories of the greatest man I'll ever know.

 

[rox]

I'm in the same group as Champy. All grandparents and both of my parents passed by the year 2000. Mom was 52 and Dad was 67 when he passed. I have one younger brother in FLA. who I haven't seen since 2000 and don't know how long he has since he had a heart transplant a few years ago. We have kept in touch by phone though. I was 46 at the passing of my last parent (Dad) and miss not having them every day. My wife and I did meet another couple who we became very close to over the years to the point we were considered family by them and their kids who are our ages. Three years ago within months of each other they both passed as well. Another great loss for us. Only one left for us is wifes mother who lives in FLA.
All I can say to anyone is to enjoy the time you have with your parents and siblings for they could be gone in a flash.

George2615,
My your parents were very young when they passed. How sad for you to not have them with you. They really did go to soon, ad what is that sone about a motherless child? it is hard enough to loose even one parent but to be only 46 and have lsot both of them, my you do have my sympathies.

 

[bearhawk]

I lost my Dad when I was 17. That will be 30 years ago this August.

If any of you remember being 17 and not really all that up on listening to Dad. You might know how I feel.

Anyway, sorry to hear about Dad being off the Tractor.

Enjoy your time with your Dad, you can never get that time back.

Jim

 

[TNhobbyfarmer]

Talked with my Father last night and sadly heard he has taken himself off of the tractors. He's had a good run, but at 87 I think he made the right decision.

Seems the fertilizer truck went right where he told them not to, he went to pull them out, the Deere got to bucking and he couldn't control it. I'm proud of him, but realize he's getting older and loosing a part of his life now.

Wow is this bringing back a memory of five years ago. Dad and I went to the farm. My mom had strict orders that I should not allow dad on the tractor anymore. I was bushhogging a field and looked out to see dad walking across the field. I stopped the tractor, and he said, "I'll take over for awhile." I coud not bear to say no. He finished the field and asked if I needed him to do anymore. I noticed an extra pep in his step the rest of the day. He REALLY enjoyed that seat time.

He's now gone on to glory as mom would say. She's gone as well. I miss them. I'm very glad I didn't tell dad he could not drive the tractor that day.

 

[RoyJackson]

I was bushhogging a field and looked out to see dad walking across the field. I stopped the tractor, and he said, "I'll take over for awhile." I coud not bear to say no. He finished the field and asked if I needed him to do anymore. I noticed an extra pep in his step the rest of the day. He REALLY enjoyed that seat time.

He's now gone on to glory as mom would say. She's gone as well. I miss them. I'm very glad I didn't tell dad he could not drive the tractor that day.

You made the right decision...

 

[kbiddle]

It is funny how much we can take parents for granted and how tragic it can be when they leave...
This thread reminds me of when my father passed, I had just found out earlier in the year that I was going to be transfered to DC for work at the first of the year... he also found out that he had cancer....The next 6 months or so he was not really ever the same dad I remember form my earlier life, tired and slept most the time...he was never one to rest...
But boy we sure did still have some good times talking....and for some reason as the months pressed on he was really looking forward to christmas that year....
Well it was the day before christmas eve I got a frantic call from my mom to hurry over something was wrong with dad, I told her to call 911 and I made it there before the EMT and will never forget that....
Dad made until christmas morning... and passed away.. Maybe he new what he was getting for christmas
Christmas has never been the same since and that has been 5 years ago...
But like everyone else I look back on the good times we had and try not to dwell on the negatives... and boy it really is hard to not be able to "Call dad and see what he thinks" I guess I have screwed up more projects since then but I have also remembered more of what he taught me then ever before...
And now I just smile when my kids call me and say "Dad what do your think about....?"
Enjoy it while you have it...

 

[riptides]

A pretty moving and thought provoking thread.

I try and step a little lighter on subjects and think about how to say things around my kids.

That "no" word is too darn powerfull.

Life is too short and sometimes so very hard.

-Mike Z.

 

[dmccarty]

As life is dragging me into the early/mid 40s the question of when are you an adult keeps popping up for some reason. I work with some young pups who, Lordy Help me, could be my kids! Maybe that is why the question keeps popping up.

The answer to the question seems to be when you look around and see people getting sick. Wearing out. Passing on. Your an adult when you have taken on the ultimate uber responsibility of having kids. And KNOW that kids are responsibility and treat them as such. Your an adult when you see your parents and their generation passing and know that you will know be the leader of the family. If its not on you now it will be be soon. When you realize these things you are an adult....

Later,
Dan

 

[jimg]

Great thread!!

TNhobbyfarmer I particularly enjoyed your story. I bet your dad had some pep in his step! I know its really tough for older folks to give up complete independence and/or life as usual being in the thick of things and knowing their 'useful'. Im sure youll never completely understand how deeply satisfying that 'last' tractor ride was to him. Some things we can only know from a distance. I think you did really good even though it meant breaking some of The Rules.

I recently bought a farm from an older couple who, on their own, decided they could no longer manage it properly. Knowing they had to move on didn't diminish the memories they made at that place nor did it make pulling up roots any easier. I KNOW it was a tough call for them which took plenty of courage and I greatly admire/respect that.