EdKing
Platinum Member
Basic Rules For Dogs Who Have A Yard To Protect
VISITORS: Quickly determine which guest is afraid of dogs.
Charge across the room, barking loudly and leap playfully
on this person. If the human falls down on the floor and
starts crying, lick its face and growl gently to show your
concern.
BARKING: Because you are a dog, you are expected to bark.
So bark--- a lot. Your owners will be very happy to hear
you protecting their house. Especially late at night while
they are sleeping safely in their beds. There is no more
secure feeling for a human than to keep waking up in the
middle of the night and hearing your protective bark,
bark, bark...
LICKING: Always take a BIG drink from your water dish
immediately before licking your human. Humans prefer
clean tongues. Be ready to fetch your human a towel.
HOLES: Rather than digging a BIG hole in the middle of
the yard and upsetting your human, dig a lot of smaller
holes all over the yard so they won't notice. If you
arrange a little pile of dirt on one side of each hole,
maybe they'll think it's gophers. There are never enough
holes in the ground. Strive daily to do your part to
help correct this problem.
DOORS: The area directly in front of a door is always
reserved for the family dog to sleep.
THE ART OF SNIFFING: Humans like to be sniffed. Everywhere.
It is your duty, as the family dog, to accommodate them.
DINING ETIQUETTE: Always sit under the table at dinner,
especially when there are guests, so you can clean up any
food that falls on the floor. It's also a good time to
practice your sniffing.
HOUSEBREAKING: Housebreaking is very important to humans,
so break as much of the house as possible.
GOING FOR WALKS: Rules of the road: When out for a walk
with your master or mistress, never go to the bathroom
on your own lawn.
COUCHES: It is perfectly permissible to lie on the new
couch after all your humans have gone to bed.
PLAYING: If you lose your footing while chasing a ball
or stick, use the flower bed to absorb your fall so you
don't injure yourself.
CHASING CATS: When chasing cats, make sure you never---
quite--- catch them. It spoils all the fun.
CHEWING: Make a contribution to the fashion industry.
...Eat a shoe.
VISITORS: Quickly determine which guest is afraid of dogs.
Charge across the room, barking loudly and leap playfully
on this person. If the human falls down on the floor and
starts crying, lick its face and growl gently to show your
concern.
BARKING: Because you are a dog, you are expected to bark.
So bark--- a lot. Your owners will be very happy to hear
you protecting their house. Especially late at night while
they are sleeping safely in their beds. There is no more
secure feeling for a human than to keep waking up in the
middle of the night and hearing your protective bark,
bark, bark...
LICKING: Always take a BIG drink from your water dish
immediately before licking your human. Humans prefer
clean tongues. Be ready to fetch your human a towel.
HOLES: Rather than digging a BIG hole in the middle of
the yard and upsetting your human, dig a lot of smaller
holes all over the yard so they won't notice. If you
arrange a little pile of dirt on one side of each hole,
maybe they'll think it's gophers. There are never enough
holes in the ground. Strive daily to do your part to
help correct this problem.
DOORS: The area directly in front of a door is always
reserved for the family dog to sleep.
THE ART OF SNIFFING: Humans like to be sniffed. Everywhere.
It is your duty, as the family dog, to accommodate them.
DINING ETIQUETTE: Always sit under the table at dinner,
especially when there are guests, so you can clean up any
food that falls on the floor. It's also a good time to
practice your sniffing.
HOUSEBREAKING: Housebreaking is very important to humans,
so break as much of the house as possible.
GOING FOR WALKS: Rules of the road: When out for a walk
with your master or mistress, never go to the bathroom
on your own lawn.
COUCHES: It is perfectly permissible to lie on the new
couch after all your humans have gone to bed.
PLAYING: If you lose your footing while chasing a ball
or stick, use the flower bed to absorb your fall so you
don't injure yourself.
CHASING CATS: When chasing cats, make sure you never---
quite--- catch them. It spoils all the fun.
CHEWING: Make a contribution to the fashion industry.
...Eat a shoe.
